[FIC] Star Trek: Then, Suddenly, Life Changed [5/6] (Kirk/McCoy, R)

[salvaged_pride]

Title: Then, Suddenly, Life Changed [5/6]
Authors: salvaged_pride and sullacat
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing/Characters: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: R for language and sexual situations
Summary: In honor of the one year anniversary of the movie, an AU - What if Leonard McCoy had been at the bar that night? Two men, a cycle, and a trip that changes their lives. 9745 words -- Look

Comments

[syredronning]

Waaaaaaaaaaaah JIM!

*whines* I understand him but hell, this is going to hurt Bones in the morning :((((

This part was both super-hot and rather painful at once. Great work.

The only thing I wished to be different would have been the Pike-Jim discussion as the words that worked well in the bar somehow didn't work for me there in that office. But that's just me :)

[salvaged_pride]

*concerned* As I wrote that part... do you have any idea what about it didn't work? I went with the pre-editted version of the script instead of the except movie script as I thought it flowed a little better in the scene. Any feed back you could give is good, as I always like to improve.

[syredronning]

I think the picture doesn't work for me - when Jim sees it there, Pike would IMO catch that and use the shot as a connection between them, like the dissertation but even better. I can't see him just sitting there and talking without noting exactly what Jim does.

[EDIT for clarification: I loved the picture per se and Pike/George is a favorite of mine, it just doesn't work for me to have the picture there without the backstory coming up as a subject somehow.]

But really, it's a small thing compared to the whole, which is a really great, touching and hot AU that I thoroughly enjoy :)

[salvaged_pride]

*nods* Understood. Trust me, Pike definitely did notice what Jim was doing, I think I just didn't make it pronounced as much as I should have in his words. I thought about it, adding more and having Pike point out the connection more thoroughly, but was trying to stick to the movie script (the speaking parts are 100% the pre-editted script vocally). Thank you though! I'll take it into consideration. ^_^

[salvaged_pride]

Damn, typed up before I caught your edit

[salvaged_pride]

A P.P.S to the P.S. - I really need to write up my concept of P/G's back story at some point... *chin-stroking pondery face*

[syredronning]

I'd love to read Chris/George backstory any time :)

[syredronning]

Ah, you totally should keep the scene as it is! I know how hard it is to get scenes right for everyone (practically impossible). and there are only so many re-writes one can bear. Please, just keep it :)))

♥