3 am
i don't know what it is about this time, but the feeling of waking up, looking at the clock, and feeling queasy has become too familiar.
i sent an email of things i needed to say and didn't have a chance to friday. i tried not to be angry, but i am. the best relationship in 5 years he said he liked so many things about it...about me...but it wasn't enough for the forces pulling him away.
can a person have baggage and not know it? unrequited love and not know until something triggers the realization?
his toothbrush is in the trash. uncooked chicken for friday's dinner remains in the fridge...real coke in the pantry. present for his daughter in my closet.
i have a lot of time on my hands approaching...usually my favorite week of the year...the only time things truly stop at work. christmas and new year's surround that time...i'm trying to look at them as just another day...and night. i'll have my boys for part of that time...and i'll enjoy them. i want to enjoy my time alone as well...if only i can change my mindset...and i'll try.
if i had the money, i would take a cruise by myself. getting out of central pa...and into the warm sun...would be a very good thing.
i sent an email of things i needed to say and didn't have a chance to friday. i tried not to be angry, but i am. the best relationship in 5 years he said he liked so many things about it...about me...but it wasn't enough for the forces pulling him away.
can a person have baggage and not know it? unrequited love and not know until something triggers the realization?
his toothbrush is in the trash. uncooked chicken for friday's dinner remains in the fridge...real coke in the pantry. present for his daughter in my closet.
i have a lot of time on my hands approaching...usually my favorite week of the year...the only time things truly stop at work. christmas and new year's surround that time...i'm trying to look at them as just another day...and night. i'll have my boys for part of that time...and i'll enjoy them. i want to enjoy my time alone as well...if only i can change my mindset...and i'll try.
if i had the money, i would take a cruise by myself. getting out of central pa...and into the warm sun...would be a very good thing.