God talks to me on the beach. And I'm not crazy.
Shannon called today for our weekly phone meeting. I had not done the things she asked me to do last week. I had a cancellation this morning, and I was really bummed about that, and had let it get to me. Normally I don't take things so personally, but for some reason, I did this time. Maybe it's hormones, I don't know. Anyway, I was down on myself a little bit already, and then she was not happy with me about not having the shows booked or the person called that we'd talked about before. She said, "if you don't do your assignments, i won't call you anymore." and i know she is being that way because she's treating me like a leader, and so she's harder on me than she would be otherwise. And deservedly so; I completely forgot to call the lady I was supposed to follow up with, and had one out of 5 shows booked. (had two this morning before the cancellation.)
So I was really down on myself, and couldn't really focus on what I had to do, so I bundled up and walked to the beach. Normally as I cross the wooden walkway, all the thoughts that have been plaguing me turn to this vapor that I can either drift in and out of, or just release into the air. This time, I felt anxious--I had difficulty breathing till I got to the sand. The weight of my thoughts did not seem quite as heavy as I walked northward, watching birds, noticing how the sand had shifted, creating a new sandbar and shorter breakers at mid-tide; but it did not lift completely. No shells to pick up; an interesting piece of coral that I held for a bit, then flung back into the waves, hoping it would find something to latch onto and continue to grow. Turned around to head back... and I was a little weepy. I decided to sit in the swing for a bit before crossing the walkway and going home. I knew I needed to sit still and stop negetating. I knew I needed to pray. So I stared at the horizon and the waves breaking and did the thing that always works, that I don't do enough: I meditated on the moment, for what it was. I asked myself the question I should always have in mind: "What is great about this moment?" The sound of the sea and wind, the stillness and the motion at the same time, the solitude and the knowledge that I'm not alone, the warmth and crisp coolness at the same time, the colors, the wind.... and change. And how I'm a little weepy because change is inevitable. And the reason I'm where I am is because of change. and how did I get here? I fell on my face a lot and got back up. I pushed myself. As for my business, I prayed a lot. At the beginning, I was very worried that I would not get the shows I needed; finally, I told God, "maybe this isn't for me. and I don't want to do this if it's not. I know I can't be so worried about it to where I can't do anything else, so if it's what You want for me, make it happen." And He did. I had the shows I needed, and I even bonused. So I reminded Him of that today. and that I know this is what He wants. Things have been much more in perspective and balance since this all started. it's all very strange, really. And this is just another fall. and those scars turn to gold. And I'll have another story to tell, of something I was able to overcome. And my whining and complaining and demanding turned into thanking Him and praising Him for being in control and for taking care of me and showing me more about Him and about myself through all I've experienced, in my business and in life..... and there it was, sitting on the sand... how did I miss it when I was walking? Or was it what I thought it was?
You see, whenever I get like that and go to the beach and begin to pray, and His Spririt starts working on mine... I find a pen shell. They are very beautiful and fragile, and one rarely finds both sides still attached; I find little pieces of them all the time that I don't even bother to pick up.
So there was something sitting on the sand, about 30 feet away from me, between me and the waves I'd been staring at for the past five minutes or so. I got up to see, and stood over it, and sure enough, it was a pen shell, a little damaged, but still connected. I picked it up, crying, and turned to leave, knowing it was time to go home. Knowing God loves me enough to show me His hand when I need Him to... or at least something it may have dropped for me to find.
So I was really down on myself, and couldn't really focus on what I had to do, so I bundled up and walked to the beach. Normally as I cross the wooden walkway, all the thoughts that have been plaguing me turn to this vapor that I can either drift in and out of, or just release into the air. This time, I felt anxious--I had difficulty breathing till I got to the sand. The weight of my thoughts did not seem quite as heavy as I walked northward, watching birds, noticing how the sand had shifted, creating a new sandbar and shorter breakers at mid-tide; but it did not lift completely. No shells to pick up; an interesting piece of coral that I held for a bit, then flung back into the waves, hoping it would find something to latch onto and continue to grow. Turned around to head back... and I was a little weepy. I decided to sit in the swing for a bit before crossing the walkway and going home. I knew I needed to sit still and stop negetating. I knew I needed to pray. So I stared at the horizon and the waves breaking and did the thing that always works, that I don't do enough: I meditated on the moment, for what it was. I asked myself the question I should always have in mind: "What is great about this moment?" The sound of the sea and wind, the stillness and the motion at the same time, the solitude and the knowledge that I'm not alone, the warmth and crisp coolness at the same time, the colors, the wind.... and change. And how I'm a little weepy because change is inevitable. And the reason I'm where I am is because of change. and how did I get here? I fell on my face a lot and got back up. I pushed myself. As for my business, I prayed a lot. At the beginning, I was very worried that I would not get the shows I needed; finally, I told God, "maybe this isn't for me. and I don't want to do this if it's not. I know I can't be so worried about it to where I can't do anything else, so if it's what You want for me, make it happen." And He did. I had the shows I needed, and I even bonused. So I reminded Him of that today. and that I know this is what He wants. Things have been much more in perspective and balance since this all started. it's all very strange, really. And this is just another fall. and those scars turn to gold. And I'll have another story to tell, of something I was able to overcome. And my whining and complaining and demanding turned into thanking Him and praising Him for being in control and for taking care of me and showing me more about Him and about myself through all I've experienced, in my business and in life..... and there it was, sitting on the sand... how did I miss it when I was walking? Or was it what I thought it was?
You see, whenever I get like that and go to the beach and begin to pray, and His Spririt starts working on mine... I find a pen shell. They are very beautiful and fragile, and one rarely finds both sides still attached; I find little pieces of them all the time that I don't even bother to pick up.
So there was something sitting on the sand, about 30 feet away from me, between me and the waves I'd been staring at for the past five minutes or so. I got up to see, and stood over it, and sure enough, it was a pen shell, a little damaged, but still connected. I picked it up, crying, and turned to leave, knowing it was time to go home. Knowing God loves me enough to show me His hand when I need Him to... or at least something it may have dropped for me to find.