fucking fuck
where to begin
i woke up late... well, i went to bed really late, even for me. i got to the police station to write my report around 1:00. i was afraid i'd have to go back tomorrow. the lady was really nice and said she'd let me take the stuff home with me. i'm probably not supposed to say that, but it's not like anybody reads this. it's weird--nobody is allowed to take that stuff, from what i've been told. but she had no problem saying just bring it back tomorrow. but my friend angela tells me i emit a sense of dependability, so i guess that was it. i tend to exude trustworthiness or soemthing. anyway i left at 4 because she had to leave at 4. i came back here to realize that my internet didn't work. to make a long, frustrating story short, i spend 3 hours on the phone with comcast trying to get this resolved. to make matters worse, my fucking cell phone kept losing the signal. which means i was pissed already at comcast, and ended up taking it out on my phone. because when it drops a call, it beeps ridiculously fucking loud into my ear. i dno't know why it has to do that. i mean i can fucking hear. why can't it just beep softly? or better yet why can't it just KEEP ME ON THE LINE WITH SOMEBODY TILL I AM READY TO HANG THE FUCK UP? so i endedup throwing it on the floor, which made it sort of fall apart. the front and back covers fell off. i put it back together. i called, it dropped the call. i contained myself and threw something that, if it broke, i would not need it soon anyway. i called again. okay, skipping ahead... by the time i got done, i had broken my phone and put it back together three times, spoken to about a dozen people and that's not an exageration, and told the story of what was going on to four of them. i almost didn't go to church because i'm so behind on this police report, but i had to direct the play the youth group is doing on friday night for our reformation day fall festival thing, and i also had to direct the choir rehearsal for Sunday's anthem. so i left late for church. i called comcast on the way. after about 5 people, i finally got a person who could help me. i began the conversation by saying, yall are the most frustrating people i have ever had to deal with. unfortunately, you have to begin conversations like that in order to get anywhere with anybody. so i explained my problem, and she was like, oh, i can just reset it for you. when you get home, just unplug your modem, shut down, restart, and plug it back in to reset it, and you should be good to go, and call me if you have any problems. and i was like why the hell didn't they do this three hours ago? oh and thanks. so i went in, expecting the kids to be in the middle of rehearsing, or possibly in between run-throughs.
you see, when i was in charge on sunday night, i had them run through it about 5 times. i didn't have any problems with attitudes or anything. i mean, nothing out of the ordinary; they're teenagers, so they might have been calling me a goofy-looking bitch behind my back, but they were doing what i said at the time, so whatever. but i just took control; i walked in, said okay, act I scene 1, narrator, take your place, let's get going, put that down and pay attention, where's wade, ali stop touching jake so much, emile get up off the floor, lets go people let's go. and they did. and it went really smoothly, as much as can be expected for that group anyway, and we ran the thing about 5 times in 30 minutes. tonight however, i came in and they were still setting up. no one was cooperating. david was struggling to get their attention and respect. i think they were struggling to get the same from him, though. god he's such an asshole. then one of the girls was asked to read philip's part, which is the narrator; and someone else was asked to read wade's part, which is just a small role. so i was like what happened to wade and philip? and david wouldn't tell me. he just rolled his eyes. LIKE A FUCKING TEENAGER. the HELL?! so i just went with it and figured i'd find out later. i was led to believe the two boys were out of the play for good, and that irritated me... on top of my leftover sense of irritation after comcast. and the fact that this was the FIRST RUNTHROUGH like 45 minutes into youth group time!!! david wouldn't take his hands off it. wait that sounded gross. i mean, he wouldn't just let them run through the play. he had to interject at every single pause. when i directed on sunday night, anytime there was a lull, the kids cued each other if they missed it themselves. that worked much better than me saying, now jake, you can't miss your mark, go up and say your line. he'll remember it better if sam says hey, stupid, get up here and do your dang line, and we all laugh about it, and get on with it. between scenes, i attempted to interject some suggestions, but david just started talking over me. and HE DID NOT ASK FOR MY INPUT AT ALL. and that absolutely fucking pissed me the fuck off. HE ASKED ME TO DIRECT THE PLAY. I SAID I WOULD AND I MEANT IT. LET ME DO MY FUCKING JOB AND BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLE. but since i couldn't say that, and since i found absolutely no use for being there, i got up and walked away. if the opportunity arose for me to open my mouth again, very unpleasant things would come out of it, so i felt it best to remove myself from the area at once.
wade and philip were sitting in the back of the sanctuary with philip's dad, so i went to ask them what was up. tom, who is philip's dad, walked into the kitchen with me to tell me. he said the boys had walked in late, and david basically said get out, i don't have time to deal with you. and tom was pissed. and rightly so. i mean, first of all, it's just not cool to kick people out of a play two days before a performance; second, he had no right to say get out; where the hell were they supposed to go? to play in the woods outside while everybody else is in church? the hell?? so after talking with him, i went over to the choir area, as the music director was setting up. i asked her if we could do the anthem first so that i could leave and come home to wrok on my report (which i'm obviously not doing). so we did that. afterward, i was leaving, and david was holding the door open and talking to one of the high schoolers. he said there's a dress rehearsal at 7 tomorrow night if i wanted to attend. and i was like, well do you need me to? and i tried to voice my concerns at that time, and he made all these excuses for why he was acting the way he was. he didn't get enough sleep, he was in a bad mood, he'd had a bad day, yadda yadda. and i was thinking... okay i get a good night sleep about twice a week; i also had a bad day, but i was willing to let that go for the kids, and you should be too, since you get fucking paid to be here and i don't. and then i asked him about philip and wade, and he made excuses. he said he tried to talk to tom, and belittled tom (which is actually a funny statement; david is smaller than me, and tom must weigh about 400 pounds). and taht's when i asked david whether the kids were supposed to go play in the woods. and he said, he told tom, i didn't have time to discipline your son during the rehearsal. OKAY THE HELL???? has he NEVER dealt with kids before? they come in late, you say don't do it again, you humiliate them in front of the group for about 5 seconds, make sure they get the point, and get on with it. if you feel like you need to tell parents later, then tell them or whatever. see the way he handled it pissed EVERYONE off. All the kids were giving him the Eat-Shit eye, because they didn't understand why he acted that way toward those two boys... especially since he didn't throw out any other latecomers. You can't pick and chose who to take your pissy mood out on.
and i don't get why, whenever anybody tries to call him on something, he has excuses. he doesn't say, "maybe you're right; maybe i do need to do things differently." he doesn't appologize. he asks for your opinion, and then dismisses it and says but this is my way and here's why. and doesn't let you get a word in edgewise.
GOD HE'S AN ASS.
i had hoped that by being involved, i'd be able to exude some respect for him, but i hate being aroudn the man, i think, more than the kids do. and when i think about them, and how they felt tonight when david was being such a jerk toward a few of them and just trying to control everything and failing miserably and treating them like crap..... it breaks my heart. i cried all the way home because of him.
why can't anybody else see what i see?
i saw the look in some of their eyes afterward tonight. they are DESPERATE. they have so many needs that are not being met.
dammit. my report isn't writing itself. i better tend to it......
i woke up late... well, i went to bed really late, even for me. i got to the police station to write my report around 1:00. i was afraid i'd have to go back tomorrow. the lady was really nice and said she'd let me take the stuff home with me. i'm probably not supposed to say that, but it's not like anybody reads this. it's weird--nobody is allowed to take that stuff, from what i've been told. but she had no problem saying just bring it back tomorrow. but my friend angela tells me i emit a sense of dependability, so i guess that was it. i tend to exude trustworthiness or soemthing. anyway i left at 4 because she had to leave at 4. i came back here to realize that my internet didn't work. to make a long, frustrating story short, i spend 3 hours on the phone with comcast trying to get this resolved. to make matters worse, my fucking cell phone kept losing the signal. which means i was pissed already at comcast, and ended up taking it out on my phone. because when it drops a call, it beeps ridiculously fucking loud into my ear. i dno't know why it has to do that. i mean i can fucking hear. why can't it just beep softly? or better yet why can't it just KEEP ME ON THE LINE WITH SOMEBODY TILL I AM READY TO HANG THE FUCK UP? so i endedup throwing it on the floor, which made it sort of fall apart. the front and back covers fell off. i put it back together. i called, it dropped the call. i contained myself and threw something that, if it broke, i would not need it soon anyway. i called again. okay, skipping ahead... by the time i got done, i had broken my phone and put it back together three times, spoken to about a dozen people and that's not an exageration, and told the story of what was going on to four of them. i almost didn't go to church because i'm so behind on this police report, but i had to direct the play the youth group is doing on friday night for our reformation day fall festival thing, and i also had to direct the choir rehearsal for Sunday's anthem. so i left late for church. i called comcast on the way. after about 5 people, i finally got a person who could help me. i began the conversation by saying, yall are the most frustrating people i have ever had to deal with. unfortunately, you have to begin conversations like that in order to get anywhere with anybody. so i explained my problem, and she was like, oh, i can just reset it for you. when you get home, just unplug your modem, shut down, restart, and plug it back in to reset it, and you should be good to go, and call me if you have any problems. and i was like why the hell didn't they do this three hours ago? oh and thanks. so i went in, expecting the kids to be in the middle of rehearsing, or possibly in between run-throughs.
you see, when i was in charge on sunday night, i had them run through it about 5 times. i didn't have any problems with attitudes or anything. i mean, nothing out of the ordinary; they're teenagers, so they might have been calling me a goofy-looking bitch behind my back, but they were doing what i said at the time, so whatever. but i just took control; i walked in, said okay, act I scene 1, narrator, take your place, let's get going, put that down and pay attention, where's wade, ali stop touching jake so much, emile get up off the floor, lets go people let's go. and they did. and it went really smoothly, as much as can be expected for that group anyway, and we ran the thing about 5 times in 30 minutes. tonight however, i came in and they were still setting up. no one was cooperating. david was struggling to get their attention and respect. i think they were struggling to get the same from him, though. god he's such an asshole. then one of the girls was asked to read philip's part, which is the narrator; and someone else was asked to read wade's part, which is just a small role. so i was like what happened to wade and philip? and david wouldn't tell me. he just rolled his eyes. LIKE A FUCKING TEENAGER. the HELL?! so i just went with it and figured i'd find out later. i was led to believe the two boys were out of the play for good, and that irritated me... on top of my leftover sense of irritation after comcast. and the fact that this was the FIRST RUNTHROUGH like 45 minutes into youth group time!!! david wouldn't take his hands off it. wait that sounded gross. i mean, he wouldn't just let them run through the play. he had to interject at every single pause. when i directed on sunday night, anytime there was a lull, the kids cued each other if they missed it themselves. that worked much better than me saying, now jake, you can't miss your mark, go up and say your line. he'll remember it better if sam says hey, stupid, get up here and do your dang line, and we all laugh about it, and get on with it. between scenes, i attempted to interject some suggestions, but david just started talking over me. and HE DID NOT ASK FOR MY INPUT AT ALL. and that absolutely fucking pissed me the fuck off. HE ASKED ME TO DIRECT THE PLAY. I SAID I WOULD AND I MEANT IT. LET ME DO MY FUCKING JOB AND BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU ASSHOLE. but since i couldn't say that, and since i found absolutely no use for being there, i got up and walked away. if the opportunity arose for me to open my mouth again, very unpleasant things would come out of it, so i felt it best to remove myself from the area at once.
wade and philip were sitting in the back of the sanctuary with philip's dad, so i went to ask them what was up. tom, who is philip's dad, walked into the kitchen with me to tell me. he said the boys had walked in late, and david basically said get out, i don't have time to deal with you. and tom was pissed. and rightly so. i mean, first of all, it's just not cool to kick people out of a play two days before a performance; second, he had no right to say get out; where the hell were they supposed to go? to play in the woods outside while everybody else is in church? the hell?? so after talking with him, i went over to the choir area, as the music director was setting up. i asked her if we could do the anthem first so that i could leave and come home to wrok on my report (which i'm obviously not doing). so we did that. afterward, i was leaving, and david was holding the door open and talking to one of the high schoolers. he said there's a dress rehearsal at 7 tomorrow night if i wanted to attend. and i was like, well do you need me to? and i tried to voice my concerns at that time, and he made all these excuses for why he was acting the way he was. he didn't get enough sleep, he was in a bad mood, he'd had a bad day, yadda yadda. and i was thinking... okay i get a good night sleep about twice a week; i also had a bad day, but i was willing to let that go for the kids, and you should be too, since you get fucking paid to be here and i don't. and then i asked him about philip and wade, and he made excuses. he said he tried to talk to tom, and belittled tom (which is actually a funny statement; david is smaller than me, and tom must weigh about 400 pounds). and taht's when i asked david whether the kids were supposed to go play in the woods. and he said, he told tom, i didn't have time to discipline your son during the rehearsal. OKAY THE HELL???? has he NEVER dealt with kids before? they come in late, you say don't do it again, you humiliate them in front of the group for about 5 seconds, make sure they get the point, and get on with it. if you feel like you need to tell parents later, then tell them or whatever. see the way he handled it pissed EVERYONE off. All the kids were giving him the Eat-Shit eye, because they didn't understand why he acted that way toward those two boys... especially since he didn't throw out any other latecomers. You can't pick and chose who to take your pissy mood out on.
and i don't get why, whenever anybody tries to call him on something, he has excuses. he doesn't say, "maybe you're right; maybe i do need to do things differently." he doesn't appologize. he asks for your opinion, and then dismisses it and says but this is my way and here's why. and doesn't let you get a word in edgewise.
GOD HE'S AN ASS.
i had hoped that by being involved, i'd be able to exude some respect for him, but i hate being aroudn the man, i think, more than the kids do. and when i think about them, and how they felt tonight when david was being such a jerk toward a few of them and just trying to control everything and failing miserably and treating them like crap..... it breaks my heart. i cried all the way home because of him.
why can't anybody else see what i see?
i saw the look in some of their eyes afterward tonight. they are DESPERATE. they have so many needs that are not being met.
dammit. my report isn't writing itself. i better tend to it......