sometimes i wish i could lose you again...
christ, what a fucking mess.
i'm in the ft. lauderdale airport, waiting to board a plane to take me back to school for the last week and a half. this is the 4th or 5th day with less than 2 hours of regular sleep. i've always known that after 3 days of no shut-eye come emotional breakdowns, and come they did, and now...now things arnt even quiet, theyre just confusing.
i dont view this trip as a mistake, because somewhere, half whispered, is the idea that nothing is a mistake, and that where you are is where you're supposed to be.
that aside...
jesus what a shitshow.
1) i got a tattoe last week. it's on my left ribs and not ubiquitious in the least. my mother decides that she wants to go to rapids fucking waterpark for mother's day. great...needless to say she found out about the tattoe. i'm now..."grounded"...hah. haha...hahahaha.....fuck.
worse though, was travelling 2 hours to that den of sin and iniquity on what...an hour of sleep? after coming back home from my g/f's prom. which was fun for the most part, except when i saw some kid get maced by a security gaurd and got stuck outside the hotel for an hour and a half.
i'm finding it difficult to give human kind a general thumbs up after seeing large numbers of people act in very stupid ways.
actually, who am i kidding. i'm becoming a fucking misanthrope.
she was right when she told me that college had made me more selfish. it was then that i realized the level to which my dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs extends. (and not just with her, with everything)
normal m.o. is to figure out where i'd like things to be, and then work like hell for them to get there.
i dont feel like bieng normal. i dont feel like doing what i always do. i'd walk away and not deal with any of them if i could take her with me.
gee...but enough with this angst. i've transposed the sour taste that mindless hordes of unfamiliar and uninteresting faces have left onto a lot of other things.
this is a decleration of general discontentment, to be hopefully followed by sleep, a return to normal brain chemistry and a more manageable state of affairs.
one can only pray.
i'm in the ft. lauderdale airport, waiting to board a plane to take me back to school for the last week and a half. this is the 4th or 5th day with less than 2 hours of regular sleep. i've always known that after 3 days of no shut-eye come emotional breakdowns, and come they did, and now...now things arnt even quiet, theyre just confusing.
i dont view this trip as a mistake, because somewhere, half whispered, is the idea that nothing is a mistake, and that where you are is where you're supposed to be.
that aside...
jesus what a shitshow.
1) i got a tattoe last week. it's on my left ribs and not ubiquitious in the least. my mother decides that she wants to go to rapids fucking waterpark for mother's day. great...needless to say she found out about the tattoe. i'm now..."grounded"...hah. haha...hahahaha.....fuck.
worse though, was travelling 2 hours to that den of sin and iniquity on what...an hour of sleep? after coming back home from my g/f's prom. which was fun for the most part, except when i saw some kid get maced by a security gaurd and got stuck outside the hotel for an hour and a half.
i'm finding it difficult to give human kind a general thumbs up after seeing large numbers of people act in very stupid ways.
actually, who am i kidding. i'm becoming a fucking misanthrope.
she was right when she told me that college had made me more selfish. it was then that i realized the level to which my dissatisfaction with the current state of affairs extends. (and not just with her, with everything)
normal m.o. is to figure out where i'd like things to be, and then work like hell for them to get there.
i dont feel like bieng normal. i dont feel like doing what i always do. i'd walk away and not deal with any of them if i could take her with me.
gee...but enough with this angst. i've transposed the sour taste that mindless hordes of unfamiliar and uninteresting faces have left onto a lot of other things.
this is a decleration of general discontentment, to be hopefully followed by sleep, a return to normal brain chemistry and a more manageable state of affairs.
one can only pray.