right back where i was, past the roadblock along the way.
so i was looking back into my earlier entries... really just the last few, which took me back all the way to a year ago. and one year ago i was in nearly the same boat as i'm in now. no effin' job. okay three 'jobs' no career. that is depressing. i've been trying really hard not to let it get me down. these schools just don't know what they're missing.
the other thing that had been on my mind lately is easing up a bit.
i thought that i couldn't combine the worlds of some of the most important people in my life.
it got me thinking.
over the past ten years, my grandparents, who had practically raised me have nevr said ONE WORD, not a thing, about my choices: tattoos, piercings, 'shacking up', living with a gay woman, dating somebody 12 years older than me, all of that which is a little uncomfortable for the over 70 crowd.... and now when i am an independent adult, a grown-up woman* and when i fall madly in love with someone and they who know me so well and whom i love so dearly can plainly see that i am beaming from within.....
correction... HE. my grandfather... he wouldn't speak to or welcome the reason of all that happiness because of his color (?) ouch my aching heart.... that whole "punched in the gut feeling" isn't just a saying...
but yesterday we finally had my birthday dinner. (originally i refused to go because my grandfather was refusing the attendance of my true love) 3 months later, though, my grandma is showing a huge interest in this man, and my grandpa invited him, spoke with him (greeted him and made eye contact and spoke TO him) , and they talked about baseball and hot peppers. it was great. and not forced but actually comfortable. and what a great man i have who is not bitter about the situation but takes it all in stride and says "sure' I'll go, babe".
that was such a huge drama this summer and is now happily ever after...
* okay, so it still feels a little funny when i call myself a grown-up woman. but here's how i know. when i was buying cigarettes for my grandmother yesterday ( maybe i'm not so grown, i still feel foolish and awkward to purchase cigarettes... EVERY time, i feel the need to tell the clerk, " i don't smoke, they're for my grandma"... how dorky..) anyhow, the clerk checked my ID yesterday. you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes and i'm now 27. and how do i know i'm an adult woman because of that? two reasons. 1. because i took a small delight in handing her my id to prove that i'm over 18. 2. because she said "OH! you don't look that age!" That age. like you don't say a lady's age aloud. hee hee. i think i secretly loved it. and realizing that i was tickled made me feel old. like those forty-five year old women buying booze and the clerk flirts with them by asking for id and they get all girly and giggly and complimented. that's where i'm headed.
the other thing that had been on my mind lately is easing up a bit.
i thought that i couldn't combine the worlds of some of the most important people in my life.
it got me thinking.
over the past ten years, my grandparents, who had practically raised me have nevr said ONE WORD, not a thing, about my choices: tattoos, piercings, 'shacking up', living with a gay woman, dating somebody 12 years older than me, all of that which is a little uncomfortable for the over 70 crowd.... and now when i am an independent adult, a grown-up woman* and when i fall madly in love with someone and they who know me so well and whom i love so dearly can plainly see that i am beaming from within.....
correction... HE. my grandfather... he wouldn't speak to or welcome the reason of all that happiness because of his color (?) ouch my aching heart.... that whole "punched in the gut feeling" isn't just a saying...
but yesterday we finally had my birthday dinner. (originally i refused to go because my grandfather was refusing the attendance of my true love) 3 months later, though, my grandma is showing a huge interest in this man, and my grandpa invited him, spoke with him (greeted him and made eye contact and spoke TO him) , and they talked about baseball and hot peppers. it was great. and not forced but actually comfortable. and what a great man i have who is not bitter about the situation but takes it all in stride and says "sure' I'll go, babe".
that was such a huge drama this summer and is now happily ever after...
* okay, so it still feels a little funny when i call myself a grown-up woman. but here's how i know. when i was buying cigarettes for my grandmother yesterday ( maybe i'm not so grown, i still feel foolish and awkward to purchase cigarettes... EVERY time, i feel the need to tell the clerk, " i don't smoke, they're for my grandma"... how dorky..) anyhow, the clerk checked my ID yesterday. you have to be 18 to buy cigarettes and i'm now 27. and how do i know i'm an adult woman because of that? two reasons. 1. because i took a small delight in handing her my id to prove that i'm over 18. 2. because she said "OH! you don't look that age!" That age. like you don't say a lady's age aloud. hee hee. i think i secretly loved it. and realizing that i was tickled made me feel old. like those forty-five year old women buying booze and the clerk flirts with them by asking for id and they get all girly and giggly and complimented. that's where i'm headed.