(no subject)
We pulled into the Ramada Limited at Gainesville around quarter to nine o clock, as we had predicted. I was dismayed because it was dark, and I had hoped that if we indeed had to travel to his apartment, that we could navigate by the dim sunset. Unfortunately, that was not to be.
I was completely nerve wracked as Allen retrieved our reservation. I thought, by some nightmarish chance, that they would be totally booked and that we would be sent away onto a search for a vacant hotel, which, let me add, was would surely be like trying to find a yellow needle in a haystack.
Fortunately, he walked out with two card keys and we went to go drop our things into our separate rooms. My heart was already beating like mad. I picked up my phone to call him. He answered on the third ring.
"Where do you want to meet? It’d be easiest if we met at the coffee shop near campus."
"Why a coffee shop?"
"I start all of my meetings at a coffee shop."
"I don’t want this to be like every other meeting." I said, thinking of how it had sounded as if he had done this everyday.
"Alright, where then?"
I thought hard. Where, was a good question. The fountains were out of the question. Lisa was exhausted, and I was pretty sure Allen would not fancy the idea of her leaving him for an extended leave of time. Then it occurred to me.
"The pool."
"The pool??" He asked, bemused.
"Yes. It’s a warm night. It’d be nice. Please."
"Alright. I’ll be there."
I went stir-crazy after this exchange. I paced my room at least twenty times. I tore off my navy blue polo shirt and threw on the cute, stretchy black top that I had bought from the Gap the first time I had been here. I smoothed thick vanilla lotion over my arms and hoped he would be able to detect the scent, as it was his favorite. Then, my heart thumping hard, I left the hotel room.
I walked slowly. I was able to do several rounds around the exterior of the hotel, jogging up and down stairs, taking in the night air and hoping to god that I would get rid of my killer headache before he showed up.
The second time that I had went back to my hotel room, I had decided that it would be the last. I would wait for him instead of pacing. But I would take my time getting there. I took slow, careful steps up the staircase to the balcony that encircled the whole two buildings. I slipped into the closed hallway, enjoying the rush of warm air that hit me as I went through it. I ended up on the balcony. It was perfect timing.
I saw a dark figure, clad in a fashionable leather coat and stonewashed jeans, walking towards the gate of the pool. I hesitated, wondering if I should let him get there and just follow behind him. The words came out of my mouth before I had a chance to think.
"Hello, stranger." I called softly through the darkness. I was never so conscious of the overhead lights as I was then. I could barely even see straight.
He turned towards me...and I then I saw him look up. He smiled.
"Hello there." He called back. I began walking and he followed my progress below. We called out lighthearted conversation until I came to the stairs. I was scared to be with him on the same level.
"Hi there." I said, smiling nervously.
We dropped into seats by the pool. I tried to look at him, but found I couldn’t. I focused on everything else. The chairs across the lawn over his shoulders, the dark blue pool water, the stars, anything that would help me to avoid his gaze, which I could feel all over me. Fortunately, our conversation was broken by rowdy college students making their way to the pool.
"Let’s leave." I said, standing...and extending my hand out to him. He took it and stood. I was surprised at myself, surprised at the cool softness of his touch. I dropped his hand as soon as we were at the gate. I fumbled with the lock and finally, he had to do it for me. We laughed and I tried to sound relaxed and cool about my mistake as we walked.
"So tell me...are the guys that chase after you doing so on a daily basis?"
I nodded. "Sometimes. It’s annoying. I become the cold bitch after awhile because I resist their advances. I call them jerks and then I get slapped in the face."
He laughed. "You’re not a cold bitch. I’ve melted you down, haven’t I?"
I looked at him and laughed. "Not quite."
"Careful, ice princess. You’re treading on thin ice."
We talked then, of our high schools, our friends, our passions during those times. He questioned me about my AP class and I questioned him about Eva and the others. We passed by her car.
"The famous car....," He said, grinning. "The vehicle of choice when we had our many excursions in Miami."
I glanced at it. It was a red mini-coupe with a white roof. It was actually cute. It suited Eva’s personality, most definitely. A good choice. I offered him a small smile to show my approval and we walked on. We reached Lisa’s car which I leaned against, almost gratefully. I stared at the clear sky and at the full moon. Peter took a place at my side, as close as he dared.
"Why won’t you look at me?" He asked softly.
"Cowardice." I murmured. "I don’t know...It’s hard."
He turned to me and tipped my chin up with his fingertips to look at me, straight in the eyes. My knees almost gave way as I stared back, almost defiantly.
"I’ve never been accused of being a coward." He said thoughtfully, releasing me after taking a good look at my face.
"No...," I agreed, but quickly retracted the statement. "Yes, you have. I called you a coward when you were avoiding me."
"Yes...that’s true."
We stood in silence, staring at the interstate for a few moments before we resumed our conversation. I turned and did a round around the car, before leaning my front against the backseat door.
"You’re wearing vanilla." He murmured. "That, is very tempting." Before I knew it, he had slipped behind me and pulled me close to him, his chin resting on my shoulder. Before letting go, he whispered in my ear. "I’m not going to make this easy for you."
I gave a soft shuddering sigh. "Evil." I whispered back.
"Forever and for always." He replied, smirking at me from the other side of the car.
"Let’s go inside." And with that, I lead him to my room.
The night pretty much passed in solitude. We eventually turned off the light, pulled the curtains shut and go into bed with each other, he and I entwined, our fingertips tracing over each other’s arms, hands and faces, as if drinking one another in, memorizing each other by touch. Our words were exchanged with care. Ever mindful of Eva, of our situation, the forced restrictions placed on the both of us and the obligations we had to others and ourselves.
"What is this?" I said softly, my eyes falling on the ugly white scars on his arms. I already knew of course. He sighed and brushed my hair away from my face and then gently traced the outline of my lips.
"Scars." He replied quietly. "Scars that will never go away."
I kissed each one and looked up at him. "Promise me that you will never do this again."
He looked down at me, torn. "I promise, michigan doll."
"Good." I turned over and buried my face in the pillow. I could feel him shift so that he could hold me nearer to him. He buried his face in my neck. We held tightly to each other. I can remember his scent so clearly. A warm, clean, husky scent, of soap and light cologne. He brushed his hands over my sides, letting his hand slip under my shirt to trace the curve of my waist, to creep dangerously close to my breasts, fingertips skimming just below them. I could feel myself melting. I burrowed closer into him. I was deathly afraid of the moment we would have to part.
For most of the night we stayed at each other’s sides, linking our fingertips, entwining our legs and staying as close as we could. Every time one of us moved, the other moved to accommodate, so that we would still be able to touch.
"Why are the lights off?" He asked softly. I could tell he already knew the answer.
"Because I have a headache." I said, feeling my lips curve.
"That’s not the reason and you know it," He replied playfully, running his fingers through my hair. "It’s to recreate the atmosphere we have when you and I are on the phone. Isn’t it?"
I laughed and moved to kiss his forehead. "Yes, I suppose it is."
He nodded and slowly disengaged himself from our entanglement. I moaned softly in protest and reached for him. "Where are you going?"
"If I stay this close to you any longer, I won’t be able to control myself." He said, looking down at me sheepishly.
I sat up and brought the blankets up over my legs. I tried hard to ignore the ache growing in me. "Come and sit. It’s okay. I won’t provoke you."
"You don’t have to..." He muttered and reluctantly climbed back onto the bed to sit across from me. I lifted my fingertips and brushed the long lock of hair that fell forward into his eyes, caressed his forehead, his cheek. He turned his face to kiss my palm.
"I hate being so restricted..." He whispered into the darkness.
I didn’t reply, but gently traced the curve of his lips, his chin and his neck.
"I know I can’t have what I want." He said, taking my hand and kissing my fingertips.
"For now, you can. For now, we take advantage of the precious time we have together." I murmured.
I sighed as he got up to pace the room. Eventually he took a stance against the door frame near the sink. I watched silently, not knowing what to do. I couldn’t stand the position we were both in. I felt so desperate. I stood and walked over to him. He took me into his arms and we rocked gently together.
"I’m so sorry, baby..." I whispered into his ear.
He shook his head as I stepped away from him. I leaned against the wall and sighed. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes...for the third time that night. He came to stand in front of me and brushed my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him and he pushed against me. Desire sliced through my body once again. I knew it was going to be hard to resist this time.
"How about right here?" I murmured, pulling his hips hard against mine.
"How about right now?" He said, his voice deep and husky.
"Now..." I whispered softly.
It was all the encouragement he needed. He pushed me down onto the bed and forced my thighs apart as he got between my legs and pressed his weight down over me. I slipped my arms around him as he began to move. I lifted my hips to meet him, to match his rhythm.
"Moan for me..." He said forcefully, thrusting hard.
I looked away and bit my lower lip. The way he was moving made me feel helpless, desperate for more.
"Kels..." He whispered aganist my neck. He moved upwards and kissed my forehead.
He left me, the weight leaving the bed and leaving me empty. He leaned down and pulled his shoes on, his jacket.
"Where are you going?" I asked fearfully.
"I have to go, love." He replied, not looking at me. He stood and turned to look at me. I scrambled up and onto my knees. He stood at the edge of the bed, and I in front of him, the tears already sliding down my cheeks.
"No, don't leave me. God, don't leave..." I whispered, looking up at him. I could see the pain in his eyes.
"I have to.." He trailed off, looking at me and brushing my tears away.
I shook my head and slipped my arms around his middle. He sighed and leaned into me, stroking my hair and promising to come back in the morning.
I let go and held my wrist up to find the hook of the heavy bracelet I wore.
"What are you doing?" He asked softly.
"Here. Take this." I said, opening his palm and folding the bracelet into his hand.
"I can't..."
"Yes, you can. Please..." I said, looking up at him while more tears fell.
"You...you said that your ex gave you his bracelet..and that you wore it for months and months after he left you..."
"That doesn't matter. This is completely different. He's in England. You're here."
.