san antonio
it is such a relief to be away from my normal houston life--from my family and my boyfriend, even my beloved doggie. Its just me and my friends here. I am so stressed out in houston, my life is a whirlwind that flies by me in 5 mins...this past week was 5 mins. I woke up at 4am and drove to san antonio in a rainstorm to make lots of money for my boss (hopefully).
I just feel like my life is not how i want it to be, my friends are depressed, my boyfriend is too controlling and doesn't understand my personality.
But I think my life isnt too bad, im ok overall. I am more concerned with finding the right path-- constantly wondering if the right path is looking for me or if it even exists? I dont want to rush into things and make poor choices or be too slow and make my life a long miserable path of uncertainty.
I am so tired these days that all of these ideas and pursuits are kind of empty to me. Things matter less when you are exhausted and starved for creative freedom. I wonder when I will really be able to blossom and continue to do so freely forever? Will that day ever come? A day when I dont have to work for anyone else, a time when I can do the creative things that make sense to me and act as I choose and be my truth? I think that in life we have more control over our destiny than we know or believe...its just a matter of harnessing that power and having faith in our dreams and abilities. Now the question is how do i do that and still have enough common sense to get through my own daily life? Or are you supposed to throw caution to the wind as they say and just do it? Just get up, stand up and do it?
They say that LOVE will set you free...but I disagree...there are types of love and relationships that will set you free but most of them will only cage you and try to force you to be something or someone you are not. There will be beautiful elements, passion, friendship, understanding, fun--but there is always the other party that wants you to change yourself and put you into a mold that better suits their needs. Perhaps that is just part of really being deeply attached to someone--you have to conform to their needs to really melt into them. The sort of relationship that really sets you free is the one that says this is day by day, passion is alive, understanding is ultimate, but we are not going to melt into one another. Instead we are going to walk side by side and be our truths and love one another regardless until its done.
If only there were a happy medium--for me that would be perfection. Too bad perfection doesn't exist!
I guess with that being said it is better to put more faith in yourself than in the other party in a romantic relationship. It is better to continue respecting oneself above all else and live a slightly detached way from love. Of course that is totally impossible.
I just feel like my life is not how i want it to be, my friends are depressed, my boyfriend is too controlling and doesn't understand my personality.
But I think my life isnt too bad, im ok overall. I am more concerned with finding the right path-- constantly wondering if the right path is looking for me or if it even exists? I dont want to rush into things and make poor choices or be too slow and make my life a long miserable path of uncertainty.
I am so tired these days that all of these ideas and pursuits are kind of empty to me. Things matter less when you are exhausted and starved for creative freedom. I wonder when I will really be able to blossom and continue to do so freely forever? Will that day ever come? A day when I dont have to work for anyone else, a time when I can do the creative things that make sense to me and act as I choose and be my truth? I think that in life we have more control over our destiny than we know or believe...its just a matter of harnessing that power and having faith in our dreams and abilities. Now the question is how do i do that and still have enough common sense to get through my own daily life? Or are you supposed to throw caution to the wind as they say and just do it? Just get up, stand up and do it?
They say that LOVE will set you free...but I disagree...there are types of love and relationships that will set you free but most of them will only cage you and try to force you to be something or someone you are not. There will be beautiful elements, passion, friendship, understanding, fun--but there is always the other party that wants you to change yourself and put you into a mold that better suits their needs. Perhaps that is just part of really being deeply attached to someone--you have to conform to their needs to really melt into them. The sort of relationship that really sets you free is the one that says this is day by day, passion is alive, understanding is ultimate, but we are not going to melt into one another. Instead we are going to walk side by side and be our truths and love one another regardless until its done.
If only there were a happy medium--for me that would be perfection. Too bad perfection doesn't exist!
I guess with that being said it is better to put more faith in yourself than in the other party in a romantic relationship. It is better to continue respecting oneself above all else and live a slightly detached way from love. Of course that is totally impossible.