M.Y.D.A.D.Y.D.T.T.
"at times i have shown signs of all my weaknesses, but somewhere in me there is strength."
lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off
2005 started out with a toast. shane, pittsburgh and i toasted to a new year, and the happiness it would bring. oh what a surprise i was in for.
i fell asleep shortly thereafter in the arms of one of my best friends, reeling from my anger and intuition. somewhere in there i knew i was right. and i found out i was. so began the treacherous path of facing the pain and recovering. forgiving and forgetting is a tough task to take upon yourself. and those who claim it is quite possibly done with ease have never known true heartbreak. and there i lay, just a couple days later, in the arms of a friend, facing the same anger. the realization that i had become a fool. and to this day, no one but me knows to what extent it really went to. i fell asleep, the year a couple days old, wishing i would never wake up.
which to bury, us or the hatchet?
each day passed, and my mind raced with replays of what happened. but as the days and weeks continued, i found myself once again becoming distracted by the real world. i started to realize those around who really were my friends. i lost contact with a number of people this year, and while i do not rejoice in that, i am comfortable knowing they were once a part of my life. i grew closer to my best friend. i hung out with my sister. i started talking to my dad more and more. slowly and surely, i was becoming matt again. and while scars are not easily hidden, they do grow to be so commonplace that you forget they are there. and the shock wears off. i ended the summer of 2005 with a smile on my face. a little more decadence on my rap sheet. and heart, a soul that were almost completely repaired.
ready and waiting to fall
i woke up today thinking about what has become the norm. i hate my job. i like my girl, but i'm afraid to get too involved too quick. i miss my friends. i love my music. i love days like today. i need to workout. i need to eat healthier. i struggled with myself, trying to figure things out. i spend my afternoons calling alicia and ashley, checking up from time to time. i laugh all the time. i talk to cameron about music and movies. i talk to pittsburgh about real life and the rewards/consequences. i pick on rachel. and i sit down, right now, while the rain meets its demise against the asphalt, and realize i have it great. everything from here on out is my choice. everything i need, all the support, the tools, the knowledge, is all in front of me. i'll end this year in the arms of someone new, on the phone with the friend who couldn't be there. and somehow, i will know that in 365 days, i became a new person.
Tons Of Jive Led To Feeling Alive...
in 2005.
-this post is dedicated to rachel, who was there for me every single day, in every single manner i could have asked for.
lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off
2005 started out with a toast. shane, pittsburgh and i toasted to a new year, and the happiness it would bring. oh what a surprise i was in for.
i fell asleep shortly thereafter in the arms of one of my best friends, reeling from my anger and intuition. somewhere in there i knew i was right. and i found out i was. so began the treacherous path of facing the pain and recovering. forgiving and forgetting is a tough task to take upon yourself. and those who claim it is quite possibly done with ease have never known true heartbreak. and there i lay, just a couple days later, in the arms of a friend, facing the same anger. the realization that i had become a fool. and to this day, no one but me knows to what extent it really went to. i fell asleep, the year a couple days old, wishing i would never wake up.
which to bury, us or the hatchet?
each day passed, and my mind raced with replays of what happened. but as the days and weeks continued, i found myself once again becoming distracted by the real world. i started to realize those around who really were my friends. i lost contact with a number of people this year, and while i do not rejoice in that, i am comfortable knowing they were once a part of my life. i grew closer to my best friend. i hung out with my sister. i started talking to my dad more and more. slowly and surely, i was becoming matt again. and while scars are not easily hidden, they do grow to be so commonplace that you forget they are there. and the shock wears off. i ended the summer of 2005 with a smile on my face. a little more decadence on my rap sheet. and heart, a soul that were almost completely repaired.
ready and waiting to fall
i woke up today thinking about what has become the norm. i hate my job. i like my girl, but i'm afraid to get too involved too quick. i miss my friends. i love my music. i love days like today. i need to workout. i need to eat healthier. i struggled with myself, trying to figure things out. i spend my afternoons calling alicia and ashley, checking up from time to time. i laugh all the time. i talk to cameron about music and movies. i talk to pittsburgh about real life and the rewards/consequences. i pick on rachel. and i sit down, right now, while the rain meets its demise against the asphalt, and realize i have it great. everything from here on out is my choice. everything i need, all the support, the tools, the knowledge, is all in front of me. i'll end this year in the arms of someone new, on the phone with the friend who couldn't be there. and somehow, i will know that in 365 days, i became a new person.
Tons Of Jive Led To Feeling Alive...
in 2005.
-this post is dedicated to rachel, who was there for me every single day, in every single manner i could have asked for.