STOP HAVING BABIES
Seriously at first it was exciting, friends from school having babies, gay friends adopting a baby, Graeme and Melissa having a baby...but now its just getting to much.
I seriously am getting seriously emotional over the fact I may never have a baby. Its getting to the point where I think maybe I should return to counseling over this because I am seriously getting to the whole "what the hell is the purpose of even existing if I do not have a child"
Which I know is silly. There are hundreds of people out there, married and single, who choose not to have kids and their lives are full of meaning.
But seriously, its really getting to me.
Last night I had a mini panic attack. I don't know why. A friend of mine when home and all of a sudden I just felt overwhelmed and started crying and finding it hard to breath. I managed to calm myself down by focusing on one task at a time and talking to some people online. But I think it's time to consider talking to someone professional, like maybe at the college.
I'm excited for my future, the potential new job market, the getting of my UK visa so I could live there, fostering kittens, etc. But I am also still scared shitless about things like failure, ending up alone and friendless, losing my parents.
Things I had hoped by 32 I'd have an handle on.
Oh well, if anything it's lead me to post more then once a month here, and I suppose that's a positive outcome.
Anyway on a more positive note here is a video of one of the foster kittens I am taking care of-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9NajJDBFhE&feature=player_embedded
Right now I need to focus on getting stuff done for the baby before my trip to Ontario on the 28th and the foster kittens, those are my major priorities, besides dealing with my mental health issues.
I'm just slightly worried that this trip to Ontario to spend with my new nephew may cause more unhappiness mentally. But I'm not gonna let it show. Just because I'm only an aunt doesn't mean I won't experience the love of this child. I just hope his parents don't see me as pushy or anything *sigh*
When does life get easy?
I seriously am getting seriously emotional over the fact I may never have a baby. Its getting to the point where I think maybe I should return to counseling over this because I am seriously getting to the whole "what the hell is the purpose of even existing if I do not have a child"
Which I know is silly. There are hundreds of people out there, married and single, who choose not to have kids and their lives are full of meaning.
But seriously, its really getting to me.
Last night I had a mini panic attack. I don't know why. A friend of mine when home and all of a sudden I just felt overwhelmed and started crying and finding it hard to breath. I managed to calm myself down by focusing on one task at a time and talking to some people online. But I think it's time to consider talking to someone professional, like maybe at the college.
I'm excited for my future, the potential new job market, the getting of my UK visa so I could live there, fostering kittens, etc. But I am also still scared shitless about things like failure, ending up alone and friendless, losing my parents.
Things I had hoped by 32 I'd have an handle on.
Oh well, if anything it's lead me to post more then once a month here, and I suppose that's a positive outcome.
Anyway on a more positive note here is a video of one of the foster kittens I am taking care of-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9NajJDBFhE&feature=player_embedded
Right now I need to focus on getting stuff done for the baby before my trip to Ontario on the 28th and the foster kittens, those are my major priorities, besides dealing with my mental health issues.
I'm just slightly worried that this trip to Ontario to spend with my new nephew may cause more unhappiness mentally. But I'm not gonna let it show. Just because I'm only an aunt doesn't mean I won't experience the love of this child. I just hope his parents don't see me as pushy or anything *sigh*
When does life get easy?