I am still here
So now it has been 3 years since I gained remission. I look back on the pictures and I wonder who that person is. It certainly isn’t me. It’s funny the sense of detachment. Perhaps it was once me but it isn’t now and that person doesn’t exist anymore. I am only the version of me right now. That said all those moments, all those people have made me. Every mistake, every tear and every triumph. All these people I have been but am no longer. It is amazing the strange, twisting and difficult journey I have traveled to get to where I am today. I am proud of who I am and what I have survived. I am no longer so many things. I have surpassed much. When I look back even before the sickness there was so much pain. So many things I let hold me back. I don’t hate me anymore. I’m not angry. I’m not caught up on what is and isn’t fair. There simply isn’t time in life to waste. I lost my father at a young age, while we had a great relationship I was only a child. I never got to have adult conversations with him, never knew him as anyone other than Dad. He died too young, I have not and for this I am so grateful. I get to go on and have moments and conversations. I get to be apart of this amazing world with all its flaws and all its beauty. How could I possibly waste time, life and love being angry or bitter? I have been given such a gift in life. I can see so much beauty all around me and I do not want to waste one minute because I know better than most how quickly it can all be over.