Life at the moment
I never seem to write here anymore. Perhaps I have tired from baring my soul online or maybe I'm just too busy. Many things have been changing in my life.
So I broke up a relationship that needed to end. A friend of mine said something to me a couple of months back that really caught in my mind like a barb. Is it not wrong to be with someone when you already know how it will end ant that you will be the one to end it. Just a matter of time in a comfortable limbo. Where no person is gaining anything or growing. When it gets to the point where you are just there because you are. Just a routine you haven't evaluated in a long time because you don't want to think about everything that is wrong with it.
I really did try for a while there to let love conquer all. I told myself that maybe this is what a long term relationship was. I lied to myself saying maybe this is the best I'll ever get and that it was enough for me. But none of these things were true, and deep down I knew that. I was getting tired of pushing shit uphill.
So I did what I do when I have reflected, when I can clearly see that something is wrong. I took action. I broke the seal. I removed myself from my comfort zone. A safety net that that has been with me through my illness is no more. It is hard to move away from someone you love without hurting them. It is a delicate surgery.
Right now more than anything else I need to be on my own. So much has happened to me. I need to see myself without the lens of a relationship distorting my view. I don't want to be responsible for anyone else. I want and need to be selfish right now, to put my energy into my projects, my future.
Above all else I am happy. I am doing what I want without letting anything pull me down or hold me back. I am doing what I do best, going forward.
I love my degree. It makes me feel good. Everyday there is more to learn and problems to solve. I am constantly being given new pieces of the puzzle that is the human body. It is such a remarkable machine with so many levels. I am passionate about what I do and for me that makes all the difference. In this part of my life I know I am doing the right thing. I'm excited by the opportunity to use my mind in such a way that I will be making a positive impact on the world. To help those who truly need it. Right now there is no doubt in my mind that I will get into medicine and I will be a doctor. Exactly what type can wait until I've had more exposure.
So I broke up a relationship that needed to end. A friend of mine said something to me a couple of months back that really caught in my mind like a barb. Is it not wrong to be with someone when you already know how it will end ant that you will be the one to end it. Just a matter of time in a comfortable limbo. Where no person is gaining anything or growing. When it gets to the point where you are just there because you are. Just a routine you haven't evaluated in a long time because you don't want to think about everything that is wrong with it.
I really did try for a while there to let love conquer all. I told myself that maybe this is what a long term relationship was. I lied to myself saying maybe this is the best I'll ever get and that it was enough for me. But none of these things were true, and deep down I knew that. I was getting tired of pushing shit uphill.
So I did what I do when I have reflected, when I can clearly see that something is wrong. I took action. I broke the seal. I removed myself from my comfort zone. A safety net that that has been with me through my illness is no more. It is hard to move away from someone you love without hurting them. It is a delicate surgery.
Right now more than anything else I need to be on my own. So much has happened to me. I need to see myself without the lens of a relationship distorting my view. I don't want to be responsible for anyone else. I want and need to be selfish right now, to put my energy into my projects, my future.
Above all else I am happy. I am doing what I want without letting anything pull me down or hold me back. I am doing what I do best, going forward.
I love my degree. It makes me feel good. Everyday there is more to learn and problems to solve. I am constantly being given new pieces of the puzzle that is the human body. It is such a remarkable machine with so many levels. I am passionate about what I do and for me that makes all the difference. In this part of my life I know I am doing the right thing. I'm excited by the opportunity to use my mind in such a way that I will be making a positive impact on the world. To help those who truly need it. Right now there is no doubt in my mind that I will get into medicine and I will be a doctor. Exactly what type can wait until I've had more exposure.