I just don't love you
Title: I just don't love you
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Readers Choice
Genre: Angst, fail!fluff
Rating: I dunno... Not for the easily troubled one, I guess.
Warning: Rape, language, includes sex(sorta)
This one's in Hyuk's point of view (you).
“I love you,”
He say and you look him right in his eyes.
It’s dark outside, you’re standing on the old football-court holding hands, but his eyes are glistening like always.
You’re sure he can hear you hesitate, thinking about what to say.
“It’s okay,” he whisper and grab your hand tighter, “it’s okay if you don’t feel the same.”
You sigh and look down at your feet.
“What’s wrong? You’re acting so weird today. Is it because I said that?”
You quickly shake your head, then, even more hesitant than before, it becomes a nod.
It’s his time to sigh and you can feel that horrible feeling take place inside of you once again.
It’s time to tell the truth.
It’s overwhelming, the emotions that takes up all your energy, the unspoken words begging to be free. Your whole body’s aching to tell him, tell him about everything, share the pain with someone.
You’re a good liar, and your excuses are believable, you even confuse yourself.
It will be easy for you to get away this time too, piece of cake.
The biggest problem is that deep inside of you, you know that you can’t tell him.
You know that it will become too much for him.
You’re not good enough for him and he’ll leave you, make you all alone, wondering why you did it.
‘Doesn’t he deserve to know the truth?‘ Of course he does, but eventually, you know it’ll be too much for him to handle.
He deserves more than you, a filthy boy with scars all over his face.
You don‘t know what love is, you think it’s impossible to know.
For you, that is.
Impossible after what happened, so many years ago.
“YAH! What the hell is wrong with you? I come here to confess and you just run away?“
You shudder, the voice becomes clear to you, once again.
He seems to notice that you’re thinking about something, he looks worried.
“What’s wrong? Please, tell me.” It almost seems like he’s begging.
“What was that for? Huh? Do you want me to beat you up?!”
You’re starting to get teary.
“No, no.. I just, I don’t love you,” you whisper and feel the wall behind you getting further into your back.
He raises his fist and the first of many punches makes you fall dizzy to the ground.
“Oh man, I haven’t even started yet! No one tells me they don‘t love me, because that‘s a lie. I hate liars, you know what I do to liars? I beat them up!”
“Hyuk?” A hand is laid on your shoulder.
“Hyuk, are you okay?”
“Oh, guys, there you are! Hyuk, meet some of my friends.”
He puts a hand on your cheek, forces you to look up at some muscular young men, they seem dangerous.
“No,” you sob, your face must be a bloody mess, are they going to make it worse?
“Hyuk, that’s a pretty name,” the biggest of them all says, he sits down beside you, dries your tears. “Relax, we won’t hurt you.”
“Why won’t you talk to me about it? You never want to open up for me, what’s the problem?”
His hands are finding their way down to your pants, your body stiffens.
“We‘re all gay here, like you, because you are gay, right?” He laughs and you look around, the others are staring at you.
“What are you looking at? You better look at me or we’ll have to ruin that pretty face of yours even more.”
“Come on, stop staring out in the air and talk to me for God’s sakes! I’m worried about you!”
You turn to look at him, you can’t see his real face anymore.
All you can see is the reflection you’d get from the mirror.
A reminder of what happened, a reminder you get everyday.
“You look like a freak,” you say and he finally shut up.
“Don’t you worry, we’ll take good care of you. You should have told him you weren’t interested before you met up with him, pretty rough reaction he got there. But we’ll teach you a lesson about shutting up when you really want to scream.”
You close your eyes as you feel tears falling down your cheeks, suddenly something’s stuffed inside of your mouth.
It smells like a gym sock.
You open your eyes just in time to see those horrible, terrifying arms literally rip your jeans off.
“It’s show time.”
“Take that back,” he says between gritted teeth, but you just stare right into that empty face of yours, stare at the spots you rather want to forget about.
“I can’t,” you breathe out, “I can’t stand looking at you.”
“HyukJae! What’s happened to your face?! Oh my God! Where have you been? I’ll call for an ambulance straight away!”
You love your mother, she cares for you, but this isn’t something she should worry about.
“It’s okay, I got into a fight, I’ll go clean up and go to bed.”
“Are you sure?” Your mother puts the phone away, she looks troubled.
You nod and walk upstairs whilst fighting tears, tears for both physical and mental pain.
You can see his face more clearly now, he looks sad.
You want to make him happy again, make him smile.
“Smile,” you simply say, still staring out in nothing.
He looks away, his eyes are glistening even more than before.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
He starts to walk away from you, it has started raining, you haven’t noticed it.
His beautiful dark brown hair is getting all wet.
You stare at him, his back, he’s gorgeous.
You don’t see yourself anymore, you see him.
“Wait,” you whisper weakly, more to yourself than to him.
“I forgot to say something.”
He stops.
You fall to the wet grass while you‘re sobbing, tears find their way down your already wet cheeks.
It‘s really time for the truth.
You swallow the last bit of pride you have and get yourself ready to open yourself up to tell him everything.
But you already know the first think you‘ve got to say,
“I love you too.”