Self-Assessment Paper
This was originally made only for only very few to see, but now that the class that I wrote this for is over, I decided to make it public. This is my self-assessment paper for my ENGL102 class and it earned me the full points for a grade.
As I read over the syllabus for this final paper in this class, I find myself trying to grasp the answers to each question that is on the page. What is the single most valuable lesson that I have learned about myself in this course? Do I think this course has improved my critical thinking skills? What was my goal entering this course and did I accomplish it at all? They are hard for me to answer. Writing is both the easiest, yet the hardest thing for me to do.
It is the easiest because it is my main form of communication. I spend more time with my friends on instant messaging programs than I do communicating with my peers face to face. In spoken communication, I am awkward and uncomfortable. I am often unable to clearly communicate my ideas verbally because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or afraid that the ideas I put out there will be rejected and not be taken seriously in the slightest. My inability to properly communicate ideas verbally has grown to the point that I am even uncomfortable speaking on the phone at my job and uncomfortable to help a customer with a complaint they have with a co-worker, an employee, or even me.
Yet with the written word, I am confident and secure. My ideas flow better and my thought process is laid out clearer than they are when spoken. The ideas are more concise, more detailed, and more planned out when written. The written word is my shield and the tool I use to write is my sword. The words I use are my soldiers and with each one, I craft the shield to defend myself from others. It is my line of defense from the world at large.
It is the easiest because, like George Orwell has said, I write for “sheer egoism”. I write to look clever and witty, in the hopes that no one can see the cracks underneath the shield. Those cracks are the lack of real world experience that I have obtained. I have never been to a rock concert, screaming out the names of those I idolize. I have never gone to another part of the world all by myself. I have never really fallen in love, only in curious lust and only for those that I desired for to be disposed of once I have had them for a little while in my life.
Knowledge that I have obtained over the years hides the cracks to a certain degree. But knowledge, like the written word, can only hide so much from others with perceptive eyes and even sharper insight into one’s psyche. Those that have gained more in experience can easily see and pity those that have not lived life to the fullest. It is partially because of that lack of experience that writing is also the hardest for me.
It is the hardest for me because with the constant flow of ideas comes the difficulty of focusing long enough to write it down. The lack of focus, patience, and guidance are what holds me back as an aspiring writer. For each paper I write, there is always something that affects my writing as a whole. In the first paper, it was lack of guidance. The second paper was lack of focus and time. The third and last is the feeling that I am unable to persuade anyone of my opinion.
I wrote the synthesis paper with more than enough time on my hands. But I also had no real guidance on the tone or how it looked both figuratively and technically. My peers looked over it, but their critiques did not help where I needed it the most. It took an outside person, my fellow co-worker and partner in the overnight shift, to see what was really wrong with it to turn out the great paper that I had handed in to the class. I was unsure as to how it would seem at all and how the paper would turn out. The grade that I received satisfied me so much. It helped relieve me of my major worries that I have had so far when I came into this class.
The community paper was written about a community that I am passionate about and love. But with something I am enthusiastic about came the task of presenting it in a light that would not confuse people. As I looked over the comments that were made, I realized that I had failed in establishing what kind of a community it was for the average layman that would be confused about my topic. Also the lack of focus had nearly resulted in the paper not being done in time to be critiqued and graded. To say that receiving a fourteen out of sixteen on the second paper is a surprise to me is just an understatement.
The persuasive paper, which is incomplete as I write this paper, is by far the hardest paper I have had to write so far. For years, I have struggled with the idea of persuading people to see my line of thinking. I am passive and the type to rely on emotional appeal rather than cold, hard, logical facts. The very thought of persuading someone and failing to do so is by far my biggest fear of all when writing is involved. Though it is on a topic that I normally do not discuss all that much to begin with, it is something that has personally affected me as a person and has affected my world view on topics.
George Orwell has also stated that people write for aesthetic enthusiasm, historical impulse, and political purpose. When it comes to aesthetic enthusiasm, for me, it is in the sheer joy of not only writing, but reading about the greatest and the most deplorable of humanity. I love to read about the greatest that humanity has accomplished and also the sheer cruelty in the worst times that humanity has ever gone through. It is the extremes of topics that fascinate me when it comes to the written word. That is why the written word is as fascinating to me as a whole, both as a reader and as an aspiring writer.
I have said earlier that the written word is my shield and the tool I use to write is my sword. What I have failed to mention is that the usage of the written word not only makes people, as a whole, warriors and shield maidens. It lifts them up into a world that, even the most crafted of writers would have difficulty describing to someone that does not have that same kind of love or passion for the written word. It is the same kind of world that musicians use to craft their songs or cinematographers use to capture moving images into a film. Writing, like music and film, is an escape into another world for me.
I suppose that I did not answer some of the questions that were suggested on the syllabus. Except for one question, that is. Am I happy with who I am, where I am at (physically and emotionally), and where I am headed. For the moment, I am not happy with who I am right now or where I am at, both physically and emotionally. But I am happy with where I am heading in the future. I am heading towards a life using the written word in every day usage. And this shield maiden and aspiring writer could not be any happier about it.
As I read over the syllabus for this final paper in this class, I find myself trying to grasp the answers to each question that is on the page. What is the single most valuable lesson that I have learned about myself in this course? Do I think this course has improved my critical thinking skills? What was my goal entering this course and did I accomplish it at all? They are hard for me to answer. Writing is both the easiest, yet the hardest thing for me to do.
It is the easiest because it is my main form of communication. I spend more time with my friends on instant messaging programs than I do communicating with my peers face to face. In spoken communication, I am awkward and uncomfortable. I am often unable to clearly communicate my ideas verbally because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or afraid that the ideas I put out there will be rejected and not be taken seriously in the slightest. My inability to properly communicate ideas verbally has grown to the point that I am even uncomfortable speaking on the phone at my job and uncomfortable to help a customer with a complaint they have with a co-worker, an employee, or even me.
Yet with the written word, I am confident and secure. My ideas flow better and my thought process is laid out clearer than they are when spoken. The ideas are more concise, more detailed, and more planned out when written. The written word is my shield and the tool I use to write is my sword. The words I use are my soldiers and with each one, I craft the shield to defend myself from others. It is my line of defense from the world at large.
It is the easiest because, like George Orwell has said, I write for “sheer egoism”. I write to look clever and witty, in the hopes that no one can see the cracks underneath the shield. Those cracks are the lack of real world experience that I have obtained. I have never been to a rock concert, screaming out the names of those I idolize. I have never gone to another part of the world all by myself. I have never really fallen in love, only in curious lust and only for those that I desired for to be disposed of once I have had them for a little while in my life.
Knowledge that I have obtained over the years hides the cracks to a certain degree. But knowledge, like the written word, can only hide so much from others with perceptive eyes and even sharper insight into one’s psyche. Those that have gained more in experience can easily see and pity those that have not lived life to the fullest. It is partially because of that lack of experience that writing is also the hardest for me.
It is the hardest for me because with the constant flow of ideas comes the difficulty of focusing long enough to write it down. The lack of focus, patience, and guidance are what holds me back as an aspiring writer. For each paper I write, there is always something that affects my writing as a whole. In the first paper, it was lack of guidance. The second paper was lack of focus and time. The third and last is the feeling that I am unable to persuade anyone of my opinion.
I wrote the synthesis paper with more than enough time on my hands. But I also had no real guidance on the tone or how it looked both figuratively and technically. My peers looked over it, but their critiques did not help where I needed it the most. It took an outside person, my fellow co-worker and partner in the overnight shift, to see what was really wrong with it to turn out the great paper that I had handed in to the class. I was unsure as to how it would seem at all and how the paper would turn out. The grade that I received satisfied me so much. It helped relieve me of my major worries that I have had so far when I came into this class.
The community paper was written about a community that I am passionate about and love. But with something I am enthusiastic about came the task of presenting it in a light that would not confuse people. As I looked over the comments that were made, I realized that I had failed in establishing what kind of a community it was for the average layman that would be confused about my topic. Also the lack of focus had nearly resulted in the paper not being done in time to be critiqued and graded. To say that receiving a fourteen out of sixteen on the second paper is a surprise to me is just an understatement.
The persuasive paper, which is incomplete as I write this paper, is by far the hardest paper I have had to write so far. For years, I have struggled with the idea of persuading people to see my line of thinking. I am passive and the type to rely on emotional appeal rather than cold, hard, logical facts. The very thought of persuading someone and failing to do so is by far my biggest fear of all when writing is involved. Though it is on a topic that I normally do not discuss all that much to begin with, it is something that has personally affected me as a person and has affected my world view on topics.
George Orwell has also stated that people write for aesthetic enthusiasm, historical impulse, and political purpose. When it comes to aesthetic enthusiasm, for me, it is in the sheer joy of not only writing, but reading about the greatest and the most deplorable of humanity. I love to read about the greatest that humanity has accomplished and also the sheer cruelty in the worst times that humanity has ever gone through. It is the extremes of topics that fascinate me when it comes to the written word. That is why the written word is as fascinating to me as a whole, both as a reader and as an aspiring writer.
I have said earlier that the written word is my shield and the tool I use to write is my sword. What I have failed to mention is that the usage of the written word not only makes people, as a whole, warriors and shield maidens. It lifts them up into a world that, even the most crafted of writers would have difficulty describing to someone that does not have that same kind of love or passion for the written word. It is the same kind of world that musicians use to craft their songs or cinematographers use to capture moving images into a film. Writing, like music and film, is an escape into another world for me.
I suppose that I did not answer some of the questions that were suggested on the syllabus. Except for one question, that is. Am I happy with who I am, where I am at (physically and emotionally), and where I am headed. For the moment, I am not happy with who I am right now or where I am at, both physically and emotionally. But I am happy with where I am heading in the future. I am heading towards a life using the written word in every day usage. And this shield maiden and aspiring writer could not be any happier about it.