Sherlock Fanfiction: Night View from the Mind Palace

[saki101]

Title: Night View from the Mind Palace
Author: Saki101
Genre: slash
Rating: R (this section), NC-17 (overall)
Length: ~2500 words
Warning: AU, post The Reichenbach Fall
Disclaimer: I don't own BBC's Sherlock and no money is being made.
Author's notes: This is a continuation of the Other Experiments Series which forms an AU frame for

Comments

[svetlanacat4]

This is an extraordinary chapter! Sherlock and his "Sentiment. A chemical defect. ", urging John to drink the water... and a final scene so adorable...

[saki101]

Ah, thank you! This section's been tormenting me a bit. I'm so pleased you like it!

[snailbones]

What a lovely treat, to find this waiting for me *g*

The final scene really makes it for me; Sherlock coming home to rest. Absolutely beautiful, thank you.

[saki101]

Your comment warms the cockles of my heart! I must have had nine different versions of the end.

Sherlock needs to be home.

No title

[livejournal]

User thisprettywren referenced to your post from No title saying: [...] by (Watson, OMC | G | BBC) Night View from the Mind Palace [...]

[vampyreangel]

Every chapter you post makes me go back to the first one and reread them all to the very end of the new one... so good can't wait to see how this ends... kind of hope it never ends... hehe

[saki101]

I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to read that! What a fine good morning! Thank you!!!

Well, there is an important arc which will end, but I have been toying with the idea of leaving the universe open for more parts to fit in at different points in the timeline. Not sure if that would really work out, but I've been thinking about it.

Thank you again!

[chapbook]

I love the rhythm of the structure in this chapter! The way you build tension in the first half is excellent; we are made to share Sherlock's impatience and longing. I like the change in the flow of time, after the pivotal memory of Sherlock and John's silent communication in 221B before TRF. Hey, I just noticed that the intimate memory is the stand-in for the sex (or cuddle?) they have once John falls unconscious. Excellent idea! I think your structural decisions help avoid the "sex rut" some fics seem to get into, while maintaining the tension and atmosphere that are central to the parts of this series

[saki101]

What a pleasure to find your comments on this. I have been thinking about them all, but particularly the matter of how to set off Sherlock's memory while he's sitting with John up in the alcove. I had considered italics, but thought that would be more confusing since I've been using them for direct thoughts. I could modify the previous sentence to "Sherlock let his head fall back against the books, closed his eyes and remembered..." and then start the next paragraph with an elipsis, without a capital letter, "...sometimes". Do you think that would signal the shift without being too obvious?

...the intimate memory is the stand-in for the sex (or cuddle?) they have once John falls unconscious.Definitely a stand-in for sex as that would be the most efficient way for them both to be "refreshed" biologically. However, Sherlock is missing the mutuality of their past encounters. It isn't just John's body that he needs. I am happy you feel the substitution works because I considered a lot of different options for that scene

[chapbook]

You're welcome!

I think the change you suggested re: Sherlock's memory of his interaction with John sounds sensible. The ellipses I assume would act as a fade out/fade in effect?

As for the structure: I like writers who aren't afraid to experiment. Yes, you can fall on your face when you do that, but the successful results can be so striking and lovely (how I see the structure).

You know, Aderyn might provide an excellent second opinion on the structure here, if you are unsure about it. I know she's read your work and she's offered assistance to others before.