Found by the same guy who did the dog and sweet potatoes thing, updated for our apartment
The State of Readiness of My Home for Zombie Attack
Structurally: We are ground floor of a three story apartment building, which is very sturdy in and of itself but the two floor to ceiling windows, one in each room, would be a disadvantage to the extreme. On the plus side they are double paned windows so it might take the hordes a bit longer to break through them. Overall rating: poor
Weapons: Several pairs of scissors, dull kitchen knives, many many glass bottles that could be broken or somehow turned into cool exploding projectiles like they do in the movies, but other than that nothing. We have no guns, we have no vicious guard pets (Fatboy would be like, what is this, more people? ugh) and we have no sturdy clubs. I suppose in the case of a zombie attack we could break down our one remaining wooden chair but even then we'd have to get pretty close and personal to deliver a blow. Overall rating: poor
Zombie influx: Slow start initially. Not near any huge cities, nowhere near graveyards and a decent jog from the main smallish city around here. Most of the people who live here would probably be turned to zombies elsewhere and thus not make it back here. Overall this part is promising.
Initial position: Moderate. We would probably be alerted before the zombie hordes began their local rampage.
Street position: Excellent. We are on the back of an apartment building in the middle of a small town sized apartment complex with no busy junctions and our particular area has absolutely no heavy traffic. This should provide us with a means of escaping to the woods and caves or somesuch in the event of an early alerting system.
Human traffic: Fairly low. Most of the people here, again, would likely be turned to zombies elsewhere. We have a large population of college kids and small families, almost all of whom are gone during the day. If the zombie outbreak occurs at night then we'll have something serious to worry about as nighttime is the time most of these kids wander.
Other exits: Awful. We have two doors, right next to the two huge windows and both of them open onto the front porch. If zombies get to those doors we're finished because there is nowhere to hide.
Retreat position: Awful. We could try hiding in the bathroom or closet but really other than that we have no options.
Escape route: Not optimistic. The freeways jam pretty easily on the best of days and there are only so many backroads out of here. Though if we just wanted to get out into countryside we could do that. Downside is that out in the country you NEVER KNOW when you might stumble upon a graveyard and that is not what we would be wanting.
Defensive base: Unlikely to impossible. Two room apartments are not ideal by any means but ones with exits only facing one direction and that one direction also has huge glass windows do not make for good defensive bases. We'd be best off trying to run for it.
Acquiring more weapons: Not too likely. The time it would take to raid surrounding apartments and/or dumpsters would make it impossible for us to mount any kind of defense/offense/escape. Though I suppose we could try hiding in said dumpsters, they're probably more defendable than the apartments.
Collecting the troops: Poor. I wouldn't trust most of these people as far as I could throw them.
Riding it out: Iffy. We could probably get out of the apartment complex if we went out the back entrance, and if we get far enough out into the forest/woodlands/country we might find somewhere defendable. If if if.
Special weaknesses: Not too many. The cat I suppose. I'd like to save him but he's fat and hates being carried. We'd have to stuff him in a bag. On the plus side both Cody and I are pretty level headed and could probably manage not to panic while enacting escape procedures.
GENERAL ZOMBIE READINESS: Poor.
CHANCE OF BECOMING ZOMBIE KIBBLE: High.
STEPS FOR REMEDIATION:
Structurally: We are ground floor of a three story apartment building, which is very sturdy in and of itself but the two floor to ceiling windows, one in each room, would be a disadvantage to the extreme. On the plus side they are double paned windows so it might take the hordes a bit longer to break through them. Overall rating: poor
Weapons: Several pairs of scissors, dull kitchen knives, many many glass bottles that could be broken or somehow turned into cool exploding projectiles like they do in the movies, but other than that nothing. We have no guns, we have no vicious guard pets (Fatboy would be like, what is this, more people? ugh) and we have no sturdy clubs. I suppose in the case of a zombie attack we could break down our one remaining wooden chair but even then we'd have to get pretty close and personal to deliver a blow. Overall rating: poor
Zombie influx: Slow start initially. Not near any huge cities, nowhere near graveyards and a decent jog from the main smallish city around here. Most of the people who live here would probably be turned to zombies elsewhere and thus not make it back here. Overall this part is promising.
Initial position: Moderate. We would probably be alerted before the zombie hordes began their local rampage.
Street position: Excellent. We are on the back of an apartment building in the middle of a small town sized apartment complex with no busy junctions and our particular area has absolutely no heavy traffic. This should provide us with a means of escaping to the woods and caves or somesuch in the event of an early alerting system.
Human traffic: Fairly low. Most of the people here, again, would likely be turned to zombies elsewhere. We have a large population of college kids and small families, almost all of whom are gone during the day. If the zombie outbreak occurs at night then we'll have something serious to worry about as nighttime is the time most of these kids wander.
Other exits: Awful. We have two doors, right next to the two huge windows and both of them open onto the front porch. If zombies get to those doors we're finished because there is nowhere to hide.
Retreat position: Awful. We could try hiding in the bathroom or closet but really other than that we have no options.
Escape route: Not optimistic. The freeways jam pretty easily on the best of days and there are only so many backroads out of here. Though if we just wanted to get out into countryside we could do that. Downside is that out in the country you NEVER KNOW when you might stumble upon a graveyard and that is not what we would be wanting.
Defensive base: Unlikely to impossible. Two room apartments are not ideal by any means but ones with exits only facing one direction and that one direction also has huge glass windows do not make for good defensive bases. We'd be best off trying to run for it.
Acquiring more weapons: Not too likely. The time it would take to raid surrounding apartments and/or dumpsters would make it impossible for us to mount any kind of defense/offense/escape. Though I suppose we could try hiding in said dumpsters, they're probably more defendable than the apartments.
Collecting the troops: Poor. I wouldn't trust most of these people as far as I could throw them.
Riding it out: Iffy. We could probably get out of the apartment complex if we went out the back entrance, and if we get far enough out into the forest/woodlands/country we might find somewhere defendable. If if if.
Special weaknesses: Not too many. The cat I suppose. I'd like to save him but he's fat and hates being carried. We'd have to stuff him in a bag. On the plus side both Cody and I are pretty level headed and could probably manage not to panic while enacting escape procedures.
GENERAL ZOMBIE READINESS: Poor.
CHANCE OF BECOMING ZOMBIE KIBBLE: High.
STEPS FOR REMEDIATION:
- Move to a house or different apartment area, still away from town and more secure.
- Purchase ranged weapons in bulk.
- Keep blinds down at all times, maybe zombies will mistake windows for walls.
- Go driving on the back roads and see how far out we'd have to go to find somewhere we could bunker down and hole up. Prepare maps to this location for a select few local neighbors or friends.
- Keep an eye on the news at all times to increase chances of early alert, which is crucial in our getting out of the zombie path as soon as possible.
- Obtain maps of local cemeteries.
- Discuss with local Mensa chapter means for improving zombie readiness. Give them enough time and those geniuses will come up with something for sure.