(no subject)
Insomniatic moment here.... it's like 3:40am, I have class at 9:30, and I can not sleep. Mostly this is caused by the fact I played hockey this evening and my joints and such are so tight and I'm thinking so much about how I played that I can't settle my mind down... I'm exhausted, yet I can not sleep.... ugh.
Then once I finally get past the hockey I go into anything that is totally random that can effect my sleeping process. grrrrr.
So how am I? hmmm... well I'm ok. Things are... swell. No complaints aside from this problem spleeing. I even beat off... ya know how it goes, ya beat off at night, relaxes you, and then boom you're out (after clean up of course). Yeah, that didn't work. So I said ohhhhh, i'll go online and read a bunch of shit... that is not working... Thankfully there is a large gap between my first and second class so I could just come back and take a nap later, but still... this be f'in wack yo!!! lol.
I am worried about my future... mabye that's my problem allthough it hasn't been affecting my sleep. I'm really so badly wanting to pull through with this nightclub in the next 5 years or so. I am so scared however that when I get down to Fort Lauderdale and start to get shit organized it will not happen. SO many things could go wrong... what if I can't get a building permit, what if I can't get a loan, what if Omar isn't in on it, what if steve bails because he's just too busy, what i can't get the alcohol license... this is just before the place opens for cryin' out loud. I mean what if I can't work for Steve for a little while down there to get established? Do you really think I want to be a fuckin' Mortgage broker my whole life? money, yes, happiness, no. I don't want to have a boss, I don't want to do a job that isn't involed with what I really want to do for the rest of my life... I'm so scared of the worst happening it makes ME think of bailing out and just using my degree that I am hopefully gonna get soon here and working in the audio industry which is far from a bad life.... However I won't bail out, I want this too bad. I feel that this idea is absolutely full proof, i just know i can not do it alone. At the same time I am optomistic that this will happen, and it will work out... just the what if's scare me to death....
Ok, i'm gonna try this sleep thing again... night night.