(no subject)
I'm back at school.... so far so good aside from the fact I have 18 credit hours this semester.... rar......
I fucked up. I made a big mistake with a close friend and i just can't get myself past it. I decided to write about it in here and then not talk to her about it like a real friend should. Ya know I always say to, "say it to my face or shut the fuck up." It's a fair request, but now i've become the hypocrite. How can i expect someone to give me the truth and be honest with me if i can't to them? Granted we all have little annoyances in our lives about people that serve no real use in sharing, but when you hold something like i held back, something important and something of concern, then you become a hypocrite. It's no longer about apologizing to the people who deserve an apology, because i've done that, and i meant it from the bottom of my heart. I let myself down, i disappointed myself and got away from the things i believe in. Carolyn and Ben both know i am sorry, and i hope they both forgive me. I think a lot of good will come of this, there is a positive. I just am having a hard time dealing with myself. I am so disappointed in myself that I can barely brush my hair in the morning while staring into a mirror. It's easy to say i'm over reacting, but what has just happened to me is a realization about myself, and I don't like it, i don't like it at all....
I fucked up. I made a big mistake with a close friend and i just can't get myself past it. I decided to write about it in here and then not talk to her about it like a real friend should. Ya know I always say to, "say it to my face or shut the fuck up." It's a fair request, but now i've become the hypocrite. How can i expect someone to give me the truth and be honest with me if i can't to them? Granted we all have little annoyances in our lives about people that serve no real use in sharing, but when you hold something like i held back, something important and something of concern, then you become a hypocrite. It's no longer about apologizing to the people who deserve an apology, because i've done that, and i meant it from the bottom of my heart. I let myself down, i disappointed myself and got away from the things i believe in. Carolyn and Ben both know i am sorry, and i hope they both forgive me. I think a lot of good will come of this, there is a positive. I just am having a hard time dealing with myself. I am so disappointed in myself that I can barely brush my hair in the morning while staring into a mirror. It's easy to say i'm over reacting, but what has just happened to me is a realization about myself, and I don't like it, i don't like it at all....