Clarity
Actually, I know what my problem is. I'm too passive. People have told me that but I never believed them. I need to be more assertive. I'm starting to get tired of bending 5 different ways to people to make them happy. It's just not cutting it for me anymore. Something brought my repressed self back to the top. I used to have anger problems. I would have fits that took awhile to get over. I used to just punch things. Anything that didn't move, my fist would connect with it. My dad finally got me a punching bag, and I guess it all got out of my system. Until recently that is. There's been no place for the punching bag for about a year and a half now. It's been pretty easy to hold it in. I'm a patient person for the most part. But I realized it's all starting to build back up. I'm not cool with the shit that's going on now. It's pissing me off. I'm gonna start looking for a brick wall to bruise and bloody my knuckles on. Its strange that for once I'm not feeling the need to take it out on myself. I think maybe this is the hurdle I need to jump in contradiction to my last post. Maybe this is why I'm feeling irrelevant. Cause I didn't feel like I can actually get what I wanted. Maybe I can change that. Maybe I won't be the person everyone thinks is alright. Maybe I'll make some enemies. Maybe I'll piss people off. That's probably what I need.