Who's On Your List?
I'm downloading an album that I want SO BAD, so I'm babysitting the download. You know, because if anything goes wrong, and it stops, I'll be able to yell at it, and intimidate it into starting up again. Or something. So, while that's going on, I thought I'd kill some time by recapping a typical conversation in the Saint/Monk household.
This is an approximate transcript of what what said this evening, as we both lay on the living room floor, digesting our dinner:
Saint Ewart:You know how some people have a list of "freebies?" Like, five people they are allowed to have sex with outside of their relationship if that person ever shows up and wants to have sex with them?
The Monk:Yeah...
Saint:Who are your five people?
Monk:I don't know. I don't have any.
Saint:That's really sad. Think of some. I know there are people in the world you would do if you could. There have to be. Maybe five is too ambitious. Let's say three. Who are the three people on your list?
Monk:Okay, well there's Matt.
Saint:Dude!
Monk:What?
Saint:You're not supposed to pick people we know! You're supposed to pick famous people! Now I'm always going to think you're imagining doing it with Matt! Not cool!
Monk:Uh, YOU want to do it with Matt, too.
Saint:Well, obviously. He's hot. But he's not on my list because he's a real live person that we know.
Monk:So who's on your list?
Saint:WE ARE DOING YOUR LIST RIGHT NOW. Who's on your list? Think of one name. One.
Monk:...
Saint:I know you can do this. One name.
Monk:Fine. Cillian Murphy.
Saint:What?
Monk:The Scarecrow from Batman Begins.
Saint:I know who he is, jerk. I also know that he would cut you with his sharp edges and jaggedy bones. He would fuck your shit up, yo. [Mimics crazy praying mantis arms, accompanied by approximated sound of swords clashing together.]
Monk:Who's on your list?
Saint:That's a stupid question, and your answer sucked.
Monk:Who's your first pick?
Saint:Ian Somerhalder.
Monk:Duh. Who else?
Saint:I don't know... Robbie Williams?
Monk:And?
Saint:...
Monk:Are you trying to narrow it down?
Saint:No, I'm trying to think of someone. I can think of lots of hot guys, but guys I want to sex up? Not so much. Maybe Paul Rudd? He was in Clueless, and...
Monk:I know who Paul Rudd is. He was in the 40 Year-Old Virgin. He didn't look so good in that.
Saint:Yes, he did so look good!
Monk:And he's short.
Saint:So? Besides, he's cute, but I don't want to do it with him, you know? Not like Robbie Williams. HE makes me want to do it. Paul Rudd makes me want to cuddle. [Shudders.]
Monk:Well then, who?
Saint:I don't know! God, what if my list of freebies is only two people? No one on this planet likes boys as much as I do!
Monk:I know. [Eye roll.]
Saint:So, how can I only want to bang two guys in the whole world?
Monk:Um, hello?
Saint:Well, three guys, obviously. But you don't count as a "freebie." You're supposed to be a sure thing.
Monk:Supposed to be. Why don't I just put guys on your list then? I say your third freebie will be... John Travolta.
Saint:Gross, you jerk. I am totally putting Tim Allen on your list.
Monk:How about Jack Nicholson?
Saint:I'm making it the fat Tim Allen, from The Santa Clause.
Monk:That's okay. Your list was going to have Woody Allen on it.
Saint:Sick, dude. You know this whole conversation is going on my LiveJournal, right? I should be recording this.
Monk:Whatever. You still only have two people.
Saint:Well, Ian Somerhalder should count as two people, because he's twice as hot as anyone else in the world.
Monk:Uh, riiiiiight.
Saint:Fine. I'll put you on my list. You know, on the off chance that you might show up and want to do it with me some day.
Monk:That's looking more and more unlikely.
Saint:Quelle suprise.
Monk:Jerk.
Oh, and get this: After all that waiting for my album to download, it turns out it's in iTunes' stupid m4p format, so now I have to convert it to mp3, which is going to be a giant hassle. Awesome.
This is an approximate transcript of what what said this evening, as we both lay on the living room floor, digesting our dinner:
Saint Ewart:You know how some people have a list of "freebies?" Like, five people they are allowed to have sex with outside of their relationship if that person ever shows up and wants to have sex with them?
The Monk:Yeah...
Saint:Who are your five people?
Monk:I don't know. I don't have any.
Saint:That's really sad. Think of some. I know there are people in the world you would do if you could. There have to be. Maybe five is too ambitious. Let's say three. Who are the three people on your list?
Monk:Okay, well there's Matt.
Saint:Dude!
Monk:What?
Saint:You're not supposed to pick people we know! You're supposed to pick famous people! Now I'm always going to think you're imagining doing it with Matt! Not cool!
Monk:Uh, YOU want to do it with Matt, too.
Saint:Well, obviously. He's hot. But he's not on my list because he's a real live person that we know.
Monk:So who's on your list?
Saint:WE ARE DOING YOUR LIST RIGHT NOW. Who's on your list? Think of one name. One.
Monk:...
Saint:I know you can do this. One name.
Monk:Fine. Cillian Murphy.
Saint:What?
Monk:The Scarecrow from Batman Begins.
Saint:I know who he is, jerk. I also know that he would cut you with his sharp edges and jaggedy bones. He would fuck your shit up, yo. [Mimics crazy praying mantis arms, accompanied by approximated sound of swords clashing together.]
Monk:Who's on your list?
Saint:That's a stupid question, and your answer sucked.
Monk:Who's your first pick?
Saint:Ian Somerhalder.
Monk:Duh. Who else?
Saint:I don't know... Robbie Williams?
Monk:And?
Saint:...
Monk:Are you trying to narrow it down?
Saint:No, I'm trying to think of someone. I can think of lots of hot guys, but guys I want to sex up? Not so much. Maybe Paul Rudd? He was in Clueless, and...
Monk:I know who Paul Rudd is. He was in the 40 Year-Old Virgin. He didn't look so good in that.
Saint:Yes, he did so look good!
Monk:And he's short.
Saint:So? Besides, he's cute, but I don't want to do it with him, you know? Not like Robbie Williams. HE makes me want to do it. Paul Rudd makes me want to cuddle. [Shudders.]
Monk:Well then, who?
Saint:I don't know! God, what if my list of freebies is only two people? No one on this planet likes boys as much as I do!
Monk:I know. [Eye roll.]
Saint:So, how can I only want to bang two guys in the whole world?
Monk:Um, hello?
Saint:Well, three guys, obviously. But you don't count as a "freebie." You're supposed to be a sure thing.
Monk:Supposed to be. Why don't I just put guys on your list then? I say your third freebie will be... John Travolta.
Saint:Gross, you jerk. I am totally putting Tim Allen on your list.
Monk:How about Jack Nicholson?
Saint:I'm making it the fat Tim Allen, from The Santa Clause.
Monk:That's okay. Your list was going to have Woody Allen on it.
Saint:Sick, dude. You know this whole conversation is going on my LiveJournal, right? I should be recording this.
Monk:Whatever. You still only have two people.
Saint:Well, Ian Somerhalder should count as two people, because he's twice as hot as anyone else in the world.
Monk:Uh, riiiiiight.
Saint:Fine. I'll put you on my list. You know, on the off chance that you might show up and want to do it with me some day.
Monk:That's looking more and more unlikely.
Saint:Quelle suprise.
Monk:Jerk.
Oh, and get this: After all that waiting for my album to download, it turns out it's in iTunes' stupid m4p format, so now I have to convert it to mp3, which is going to be a giant hassle. Awesome.