Contradiction
Saga's POV
This is done for Sagakure .
"Shura...Aiolos has betrayed Athena. He is now a traitor."
I saw his eyes widen. But I also know that he will carry out my orders, no matter what. He is, after all, the most faithful Saint. Aiolos is as good as dead. This knowledge sent a sharp pang of pain through my chest, but I cannot draw back. Not now. I must...carry on.
"You are to kill him now." The balck-haired man in front of me nodded, got up and bowed before exiting the Temple. I could feel doubt seeping out from every pore of his skin, it seems to sing along and aimplify my own. What am I doing? I never thought things would turn out this way, but they did. At the same time, I watched Shura's shoulders striaghten as he forced any possible rebellious thoughts out of his mind.
Loyalty blinds. Poor child, all he was trying to do was to hold up his reputation. Reputation is like a huge load that weighs heavily on everybody here in Sanctuary. It binds much more effectively than love, or gratitude ever could; it is the strings that ties these Saints to my fingers. I play on their reputation, I can make them do anything. And one of us...him, is about to loose it.
I'm so sorry, Aiolos. I know you will hate me now. As much as it pains me to say so, you have a right to hate me. You, after all, are a true Saint, but I am about to take that name away from you along with your life. If I were you, I'd hate myself too. But what am I saying? I already hate myself! I can't picture myself, or anyone else for that matter, ever forgiving me for what I have done if they found out.
You are free to hate me, but I just wish...I hope you wouldn't doubt any of the things I said to you. I mean them. God knows that I meant them! I shouldn't have, but I did. A part of me wishes that I didn't really mean them, that when I told you I'm in love with you I was just fucking around. Then, I could rest underneath this mask and tell myself that I am faithful, at least, to my own self.
And yet...truth cannot be denied, can it? I can't pretend that I never loved you, I can't even pretend that the love I had for you was just a little passing fancy.
I loved you, Aiolos. I really did.
So that leaves me where I am now, I am faithful to no living soul, not even myself. I have committed blasphemous crimes against Athena and against you; I have betrayed the trust of all of our brothers-in-arm, I have made those children....Milo, Camus, Shura, Aphrodite, Mu, Aldebaran....I have made all of their lives nothing but lies; and becuase, the means of which I am commiting the above crimes is to kill the one single person I loved, I guess I have laso betrayed myself.
So what am I faithful to? What am I fighting for? I don't even remember how it all started, I don't know why I did what I did. Now I see how stupid everything had turned out to be--I could have just been a simple Gemini Saint in love with a simple Saggitarius Saint.
And Aiolia...I don't know if I could ever face him again. Do you remember when we were younger...when I was Gemini, and we used to train these kids together? Aiolia would always train with me because he wanted to be like you so much that he also wanted to be with your best friend. I should know what it feels like to have a brother, but the relationship between Kanon and I lacked the pure admiration Aiolia had for you.
It was so much more than love. He wanted to be you.
And now...I have broken his dream too. He would have to live with the fact that his ideal so far has been...dirty. Only it really isn't. You are the most noble saint I know, but I'm about to change that. You will fall, and your brother will fall with you. Just adds another reason for you to hate me forever.
You know what hurts most, Aiolos? Regret. Sometimes I feel that even if something horrible happened, as long as I had no means of stopping it or it wasn't the result of a chilce I made, I wouldn't feel this desolate. But I am regretful now, Aiolos. Very much so. It was becuase of my decision that you die, it was becuase of my decision that I...also die.
I know that I must carry on, and that...if I had to choose everything again I would have done the exact same thing. I won't lie to you, Aiolos. I have killed you and ruined you, but I can't lie to you. Strange the way minds work...and so...funny, it's such a farce.
I won't forgive myself. All I can promise you is that I won't be the one gloating on your death. I would mourn for you...but how weak and pointless my words appear! Such empty promises I have given you, what good would they be to anyone?
But still, they are the only things I am able to offer now. Them, and my love.