(no subject)
The guys at work are so nice. Martin told me the other day that I "softened John up" because before I came, he was really mean and grumpy but now he comes out of his office and talks to us a whole lot more. That actually really meant a lot to me.
And today I showed up to work dressed up to go to the OMB and they were like, "Disha, you look so pretty!". It was nice to hear that. :- )
Working at the OMB has been both interesting and stressful these past couple of days. After working there for a month, I think I've finally figured out what our branch does, and it's actually incredibly important. The Office of Federal Financial Management is responsible for auditing the various government agencies and ensuring that the taxpayer's money isn't being wasted. I just learned today that in 1990, only one of the 24 CTDA agencies successfully passed an audit, and now, 19 have. Granted, there is still a LOT of work to be done, I think it's really important that our office puts pressure on these agencies to create and maintain rigid standards of financial integrity, and to measure financial integrity through a variety of indicators. Furthermore, I think I might have an idea for how I'm going to combine my majors in international affairs, public health, and economics...I think it's important to create such a system for developing countries and also for international aid agencies such as programs through the World Bank, UN, and International Red Cross, just to make sure that their money is being properly spent. This would hopefully help prevent a lot of the "skimming from the top" that is an unfortunate reality of development work, especially in the public health sector. Professor Barbiero once told us that a lot of hospitals will lie and say they have waaaay more staff than they actually do, and they get away with is because no one checks up to make sure its true.
Speaking of people not checking up on stuff to make sure its true, I was so disappointed when I read about FEMA bullshit. Actually, everyone in our office was "briefed" on the hearing because it pertains to our job...sort of. Anyways, I can't decide which sector I am more frustrated in, the government or the individuals. I mean, on one hand it is the people who are to blame for being such assholes and profitting on other people's misfortunes. Because of their dishonesty, people who truly needed help had less resources devoted to them. On the other hand, WTF is wrong with our goverment if people can use FAKE SS numbers and get aid for plots of land that don't exist?! We talked a lot about this during our briefing.
* * * * * *
On a completely unrelated note, things here have been going well. I've been spending a lot of time with Matt, Maggie, and Jessica. I ran into HIRSH(!!) at Safeway the other day, which was traumatizing, to say the least. Although I have to admit, he has gotten a lot more bearable. And we're like interested in the same thing, which I find weird, but cool. We're getting dinner sometime, or so he says.
Matt, Jessica, and I went to get Chipotle the other day, and I just felt really good about myself. I don't know, there was constant conversation and I liked being able to make them both laugh really hard. And Matt asked(!!) about my research and my job and asked me what I thought about the FEMA scandal and what the OMB was doing about it. And then we made stupid jokes about Disney characters. And I think I understand what Christina meant when she told me once that she had some of the best eye contact of her life. I don't know, and then Jessica talked about all the cool particle electron (insert cool, scientific sounding, multi-syllable word here) work she's doing at her internship. And, I don't know...it was NICE! It was nice to not feel invisible and to feel like I could finally let the real me (the silly, giggly, rambunctious, curious) me come out and be accepted...and dare I say, appreciated.
* * * * * *
On another note, I've been feeling kind of frustrated by some of the people that I was once closest to. And maybe it's because I place too much emphasis on friendship, or maybe its because I see my relationships with people as important investments, or maybe because I just like connecting with people, but it has really hurt me. This morning, I woke up and took down a lot of pictures on my wall--including all the ones of me and Patricia, who used to be one of my best friends from ICA. I think that one of the things that scares me the most about death is the realization that your relationship with the person existed in the past, that it cannot evolve, and that there are only a finite number of memories that you will have with that person. And my cousin Nira said something really interesting to the other day. She was talking about her mom and how she meticulously saves money instead of doing fun things like going on vacation, ect and she was like, "Gosh...I wish my mom would just realize that after she dies, I'm not going to wish that she had left us more money or more things to inherit....I'm going to miss the memories. And the memories, not the money, is what I'm going to remember with a smile."
I was thinking a lot this morning and I really wish I had a best friend. I never really had one growing up...well, I did for short periods of time (Crystal in 2nd grade and Suada in 5-6th grade) but Crystal moved at the end of second grade and I moved at the end of 6th grade and we just lost touch. And I know that I'm the one that decided to not come home this summer, but I just wish that I had better relationships with my friends from home. I mean, there are a lot of people that I've been trying to call for the past 2 weeks that I haven't heard from at all. And even with the people here, I feel like everyone has "someone else" that they consider their top priority, and for some reason, that really hurts my feelings. Lizzie has Katherine, and they're "best friends", Matt has Jinny, Meg has Serge, Christina and Ella have each other, Veronika has Gillian, Michelle has her 2 roomies. I just sometimes feel like I'm that weird extra part in an assemble-it-yourself kit that you don't really know what to do with. My friends are really important to me, and i'd really like to feel like I'm important to someone. I miss that feeling...the last time I felt that way for an extended period of time was winter break, when I hung out with the same person practically every day and we did all sorts of stupid things together like watch Anne of Green Gables, cook, go on random adventures, ect.
Anyways, I've written a lot. And now I'm going to go to the pool.
And today I showed up to work dressed up to go to the OMB and they were like, "Disha, you look so pretty!". It was nice to hear that. :- )
Working at the OMB has been both interesting and stressful these past couple of days. After working there for a month, I think I've finally figured out what our branch does, and it's actually incredibly important. The Office of Federal Financial Management is responsible for auditing the various government agencies and ensuring that the taxpayer's money isn't being wasted. I just learned today that in 1990, only one of the 24 CTDA agencies successfully passed an audit, and now, 19 have. Granted, there is still a LOT of work to be done, I think it's really important that our office puts pressure on these agencies to create and maintain rigid standards of financial integrity, and to measure financial integrity through a variety of indicators. Furthermore, I think I might have an idea for how I'm going to combine my majors in international affairs, public health, and economics...I think it's important to create such a system for developing countries and also for international aid agencies such as programs through the World Bank, UN, and International Red Cross, just to make sure that their money is being properly spent. This would hopefully help prevent a lot of the "skimming from the top" that is an unfortunate reality of development work, especially in the public health sector. Professor Barbiero once told us that a lot of hospitals will lie and say they have waaaay more staff than they actually do, and they get away with is because no one checks up to make sure its true.
Speaking of people not checking up on stuff to make sure its true, I was so disappointed when I read about FEMA bullshit. Actually, everyone in our office was "briefed" on the hearing because it pertains to our job...sort of. Anyways, I can't decide which sector I am more frustrated in, the government or the individuals. I mean, on one hand it is the people who are to blame for being such assholes and profitting on other people's misfortunes. Because of their dishonesty, people who truly needed help had less resources devoted to them. On the other hand, WTF is wrong with our goverment if people can use FAKE SS numbers and get aid for plots of land that don't exist?! We talked a lot about this during our briefing.
* * * * * *
On a completely unrelated note, things here have been going well. I've been spending a lot of time with Matt, Maggie, and Jessica. I ran into HIRSH(!!) at Safeway the other day, which was traumatizing, to say the least. Although I have to admit, he has gotten a lot more bearable. And we're like interested in the same thing, which I find weird, but cool. We're getting dinner sometime, or so he says.
Matt, Jessica, and I went to get Chipotle the other day, and I just felt really good about myself. I don't know, there was constant conversation and I liked being able to make them both laugh really hard. And Matt asked(!!) about my research and my job and asked me what I thought about the FEMA scandal and what the OMB was doing about it. And then we made stupid jokes about Disney characters. And I think I understand what Christina meant when she told me once that she had some of the best eye contact of her life. I don't know, and then Jessica talked about all the cool particle electron (insert cool, scientific sounding, multi-syllable word here) work she's doing at her internship. And, I don't know...it was NICE! It was nice to not feel invisible and to feel like I could finally let the real me (the silly, giggly, rambunctious, curious) me come out and be accepted...and dare I say, appreciated.
* * * * * *
On another note, I've been feeling kind of frustrated by some of the people that I was once closest to. And maybe it's because I place too much emphasis on friendship, or maybe its because I see my relationships with people as important investments, or maybe because I just like connecting with people, but it has really hurt me. This morning, I woke up and took down a lot of pictures on my wall--including all the ones of me and Patricia, who used to be one of my best friends from ICA. I think that one of the things that scares me the most about death is the realization that your relationship with the person existed in the past, that it cannot evolve, and that there are only a finite number of memories that you will have with that person. And my cousin Nira said something really interesting to the other day. She was talking about her mom and how she meticulously saves money instead of doing fun things like going on vacation, ect and she was like, "Gosh...I wish my mom would just realize that after she dies, I'm not going to wish that she had left us more money or more things to inherit....I'm going to miss the memories. And the memories, not the money, is what I'm going to remember with a smile."
I was thinking a lot this morning and I really wish I had a best friend. I never really had one growing up...well, I did for short periods of time (Crystal in 2nd grade and Suada in 5-6th grade) but Crystal moved at the end of second grade and I moved at the end of 6th grade and we just lost touch. And I know that I'm the one that decided to not come home this summer, but I just wish that I had better relationships with my friends from home. I mean, there are a lot of people that I've been trying to call for the past 2 weeks that I haven't heard from at all. And even with the people here, I feel like everyone has "someone else" that they consider their top priority, and for some reason, that really hurts my feelings. Lizzie has Katherine, and they're "best friends", Matt has Jinny, Meg has Serge, Christina and Ella have each other, Veronika has Gillian, Michelle has her 2 roomies. I just sometimes feel like I'm that weird extra part in an assemble-it-yourself kit that you don't really know what to do with. My friends are really important to me, and i'd really like to feel like I'm important to someone. I miss that feeling...the last time I felt that way for an extended period of time was winter break, when I hung out with the same person practically every day and we did all sorts of stupid things together like watch Anne of Green Gables, cook, go on random adventures, ect.
Anyways, I've written a lot. And now I'm going to go to the pool.