I'm slipping
Once again. . .I am lost in a neverending ring of sadness. . .I feel myself slipping once more. . .slipping in and out of darkness. . .never to be in the same place twice.
I am in so much pain. . .be it physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. . . take your pick. It's all of the above.
I feel really awful. . .I hate hurting people. . .unless they deserve it, but in this case the person didn't deserve it. I feel simply awful now. . .
Just let me slip completely under the darkness, let my soul die and with it let me die. What good am I to anyone anyway? I am useless. . . What's the point? I really don't know. . .
All my pain. . .
Physical: Head aches. . .they've been going on since last week, keep getting stronger, pound more, last longer. Sick to my stomach feeling, lasted since last week also. . .stopping me from eating really. Plus my puppy decided it would be 'fun' to eat my elbow, so I was bleeding earlier and it's cut up.
Emotional: I am so utterly confused about everything. . .I don't know what I feel anymore. . . I hate so much right now. . . I feel so sick. My heart is aching so much. My heart is slowly being ripped in all directions. . . not being able to get what it wants. . . My hope is dying. . . and I just want everything to end. . . I am really worried about my new little 2nd cousin. . .Born 2 months premature, head smaller than a golf ball, and can fit in the PALM of your hand.
Mental: My head aches really badly. . . which is making it harder to think about much. Which I have had a lot to be thinking about lately. . .school, tests, my life, just everything. So much stuff. . . I do an oddly large amount of thinking. But these headaches are making it more and more difficult.
Spiritual: Well, lots of reasons here. . . too many to really list. . . My spirit is slowly giving up hope of living. . . I am finding no reasoning to live. . .other than the fact I have promised several friends that if for nothing else, I would live simply to be their friend, because they made me promise them that. . .But it's starting to not be enough. . .
I want the future to come faster, because the future seems so much brighter and happier for me. College, me working to become a journalist. . . so many things, but such a long time until it comes. . . My family is making it so hard to handle. . .
Why won't everything end. . .I don't know if I am strong enough to handle everything anymore. . . I've taken on so much by myself. . .it's like, since it's growing so much so rapidly. . .how much longer until I collapse and can't handle the load? You gotta wonder about that. . .
in any case. . .it's time to expand the mind. . .it's homework time. .
