. . . *sigh*
Sunday, December 5th, 10:10 P.M.
Man, this is so not cool. I have three guys competeing for my heart. . .well, not really competeing. . .I don't know the words to describe it, and I am too tired to try and think of them. . . .Just like three guys who like me, who I like in return. . .or at least I think I do. Anywho. . .I have no idea what to do. . .I'm going to start crying any second. My head hurts so badly, my heart is aching. . .I knew it wouldn't last. . .peace never lasts.
The guys:
There is, of course, Curt. I like him so incredibly much, he's so great. ^^ He's nice, sweet, caring, always listens to me and helps me out when I ask, and. . .just a genuinely wonderful guy. . . Then what's the problem? The two other guys? No, I wish it were that simple and that easy. Curt lives far away from me, he doesn't want a long distance relationship. . .So, I have no choice but to settle with friendship, though I must admit, I completely agree. I don't want a long distance relationship either, they just hurt too much. . .You never are able to see them or be with them. . .how is that a relationship? That just doesn't get rid of my feelings for him though. . .why'd he have to fall for me and, in turn get me to fall for him?
Then there's Mike. He's nice and good-hearted, a grade younger than me, but the same age. He lives in Arizona, a while away from the land of potatoes. So, again, it would be a long distance relationship. . .well, actually just a plain and simple internet relationship. I have no idea what he looks like, or if he is truly what he says. Then why do I even care? I went out with him for like five days not too long ago. I 'hurt' him once. . .how I could possibly have done that when I had only been 'going' with him like five days I do not know. . .^^;; The thing is. . .I don't want to hurt him, but I don't like him. .. which is why I decided it would have been best to break up with him. . .but he keeps begging me to take him back. . .^^;; I don't need to further hurt him. . .but. . .I just don't know. I feel so awful. . .but I think I would feel worse going out with him again under false pretenses. . .*sigh*
Then, lastly. . .there is Jeff. . .Yes, lately I've found myself thinking about him more and more frequently. Though, I never would (until recently) admit it. He was my boy friend before Mike. My most serious and longest relationship. I was engaged to him for pity's sake! He claims he didn't really break up with me for another girl. . .he was just thinking more and more about the future and it scared him. . .I am not the one who moved so fast. . .I am not the one who asked him to marry me, oh no. I wasn't, he was. . .It was all him. I admit, I do somewhat miss him. . . I've known him for like four years, and he was a really good friend of mine. . . He was my first love, and probably won't be my last. . .but. . .My heart aches and I don't know why. I thought I was over him. . .Am I truly? He has since asked me to take him back, but I said no. Yet, he still is a huge part of me. . . I guess when you give yourself away to someone they always will have some of you. . .How can I still like Jeff? After what he did to me? I mean. . . I know the guy who I like the most right now. . .but I have no chance with him. . .unless by some freak of nature my mum n dad decide to move to Massachusetts. . .^^;;
I have no idea what to do. I don't want to hurt mike or jeff anymore. . .I am hurting and suffering so much and it sucks. . .sleep. . .Zzzzzzzzzzz *forces self to sleep to let subconscious deal with it*
~*~Shads~*~
*hugs n kisses~*~
Man, this is so not cool. I have three guys competeing for my heart. . .well, not really competeing. . .I don't know the words to describe it, and I am too tired to try and think of them. . . .Just like three guys who like me, who I like in return. . .or at least I think I do. Anywho. . .I have no idea what to do. . .I'm going to start crying any second. My head hurts so badly, my heart is aching. . .I knew it wouldn't last. . .peace never lasts.
The guys:
There is, of course, Curt. I like him so incredibly much, he's so great. ^^ He's nice, sweet, caring, always listens to me and helps me out when I ask, and. . .just a genuinely wonderful guy. . . Then what's the problem? The two other guys? No, I wish it were that simple and that easy. Curt lives far away from me, he doesn't want a long distance relationship. . .So, I have no choice but to settle with friendship, though I must admit, I completely agree. I don't want a long distance relationship either, they just hurt too much. . .You never are able to see them or be with them. . .how is that a relationship? That just doesn't get rid of my feelings for him though. . .why'd he have to fall for me and, in turn get me to fall for him?
Then there's Mike. He's nice and good-hearted, a grade younger than me, but the same age. He lives in Arizona, a while away from the land of potatoes. So, again, it would be a long distance relationship. . .well, actually just a plain and simple internet relationship. I have no idea what he looks like, or if he is truly what he says. Then why do I even care? I went out with him for like five days not too long ago. I 'hurt' him once. . .how I could possibly have done that when I had only been 'going' with him like five days I do not know. . .^^;; The thing is. . .I don't want to hurt him, but I don't like him. .. which is why I decided it would have been best to break up with him. . .but he keeps begging me to take him back. . .^^;; I don't need to further hurt him. . .but. . .I just don't know. I feel so awful. . .but I think I would feel worse going out with him again under false pretenses. . .*sigh*
Then, lastly. . .there is Jeff. . .Yes, lately I've found myself thinking about him more and more frequently. Though, I never would (until recently) admit it. He was my boy friend before Mike. My most serious and longest relationship. I was engaged to him for pity's sake! He claims he didn't really break up with me for another girl. . .he was just thinking more and more about the future and it scared him. . .I am not the one who moved so fast. . .I am not the one who asked him to marry me, oh no. I wasn't, he was. . .It was all him. I admit, I do somewhat miss him. . . I've known him for like four years, and he was a really good friend of mine. . . He was my first love, and probably won't be my last. . .but. . .My heart aches and I don't know why. I thought I was over him. . .Am I truly? He has since asked me to take him back, but I said no. Yet, he still is a huge part of me. . . I guess when you give yourself away to someone they always will have some of you. . .How can I still like Jeff? After what he did to me? I mean. . . I know the guy who I like the most right now. . .but I have no chance with him. . .unless by some freak of nature my mum n dad decide to move to Massachusetts. . .^^;;
I have no idea what to do. I don't want to hurt mike or jeff anymore. . .I am hurting and suffering so much and it sucks. . .sleep. . .Zzzzzzzzzzz *forces self to sleep to let subconscious deal with it*
~*~Shads~*~
*hugs n kisses~*~