The Sordid World of Sanrio, and other work fun
The store where I work sells a lot of Japanese items. One of our popular sections is the Sanrio section, i.e., Hello Kitty and her multitude of friends (the Website is disgustingly cute and pink....though I was amused to read the FAQ's answer to why Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth: "Hello Kitty speaks from her heart. She is Sanrio's ambassador to the world who isn't bound to one certain language." ^o^ But I digress....) Seeing all these cute, happy characters makes me think that it's all just a big coverup for some juicy secrets.
So Hello Kitty has a boyfriend named Daniel, seen here:
Aw, aren't they the happy couple....or are they? Meet Charmmy Kitty, Hello Kitty's slutty sister (OK, so I found out recently she's actually Hello Kitty's pet....how fucked up is that? Isn't that, like, slavery or something?)
Look at her, all gussied up in her "bling bling" like a little whore. She has no self-respect, she doesn't care who she gets it from. She eventually grew bored with the thrill of one night stands with random strangers, though. She decided to go for the ultimate forbidden fruit....her sister's boyfriend! Daniel resisted her advances at first. He wanted to stay true to Hello Kitty, he really did. But he was getting a bit tired of....waiting for her, if you know what I mean. Let's just say Hello Kitty was to prudishness as Charmmy Kitty was to gang-bangingness. He'd seen the videos on the Internet, he knew that she was a raging slut probably riddled with diseases, but soon his urges got the better of him, and they embarked on a wild, brief affair that would change the world of Sanrio forever.
Charmmy Kitty disappeared for awhile. When she returned several months later, there was another little kitty accompanying her:
Meet Honey Cute. Charmmy claimed that she was her little sister, but Daniel realized the truth. He wanted to get involved in his daughter's life, so he could try to keep her from turning into the whore that her mother already appeared to be making her into (those bows!), but he didn't know how to do it without Hello Kitty finding out. So he finally decided to tell her the truth.
Hello Kitty did not take the news well. She was downright pissed. Daniel was forced to flee quickly as she screamed obscentities and threw any object she could lift at him. He decided to move in with Charmmy so they could try to make a life together out of their mistake. Hello Kitty completely fell apart. This is how she appears today:
She no longer hangs around with her old Sanrio pals. The memories are too painful to bear. Her life is now a constant bender filled with booze, drugs, and the dirty, dirty sex Charmmy Kitty was once famous for.
(obviously, I have too much time on my hands and an overactive imagination ^_^)
But enough about Sanrio, there are plenty of other products that are wacky enough without long stories attached.
Recently, we got in some maneki neko. This fact isn't unusual, we carry them all the time. What was unusual is the frightening degree of cuteness. Not only do they have cute little faces and adorable little eyes, they are solor powered and move their heads and paws in the light. I couldn't resist....I had to get one. This one is colored blue for success:
I even made a little movie of the movement with my camera....I have no idea what the clicking sound in the background is: Dance, kitty, dance!
Now, with Japanese items, of course you're expecting to see some Engrish. We have lunch boxes that proclaim "We are passionate about lunch communication" and notebooks that say "My mind has become animated. Hello! My friends. Happy!" But I've found that even the Japanese can sound hilarious when translated. We have some Japanese omelet pans that proclaim "oishisa ikiru!" which, whenever I read it, I hear a person proudly proclaiming "deliciousness lives!" And, still on the cuteness issue, there's also Tohoho na Inu, seen here:
I think it's hilarious how the Japanese says "No one knows why he's in the tire." ^_^
Now, sometimes we have some items that prudish Americans might find a bit too erotic, like lanterns that show geisha with their breasts hanging out a bit, or sake cups were you can see a naked chick in the bottom when you pour something in there. Recently we got something that's....pretty blatant. It's a sake set filled with pictures of old style Japanese erotic paintings. Observe:
Note the man in the bottom left cup sucking on the girl's nipple. I think it's pretty funny that we've got some old style pr0n sitting right out there for all to see, though some of my coworkers seemed a bit concerned that children (specifically, children with their parents) might see it and we'll end up with complaints.
I had to save this for last. It cracked me up so much when I saw it. What you'll see below is the package for a "hip cream":
Where do I begin? The perfectly shaped peaches along with the perfectly shaped ass, the Engrishy proclamation of "Wao!"....no, what absolutely kills me is the raised plastic over the ass (it might not be too visible in the picture, but it sticks out pretty far). It's like they wanted people to caress a picture of some chick's ass (I couldn't resist it when I first held it....no one else I handed it to could resist, either!) You just feel so wrong, but the raised plastic just draws your hand in. There's also a "bust up" cream from the same company that has raised plastic over the (barely clothed) breasts. Japanese products have such high entertainment value ^_^
So Hello Kitty has a boyfriend named Daniel, seen here:
Aw, aren't they the happy couple....or are they? Meet Charmmy Kitty, Hello Kitty's slutty sister (OK, so I found out recently she's actually Hello Kitty's pet....how fucked up is that? Isn't that, like, slavery or something?)
Look at her, all gussied up in her "bling bling" like a little whore. She has no self-respect, she doesn't care who she gets it from. She eventually grew bored with the thrill of one night stands with random strangers, though. She decided to go for the ultimate forbidden fruit....her sister's boyfriend! Daniel resisted her advances at first. He wanted to stay true to Hello Kitty, he really did. But he was getting a bit tired of....waiting for her, if you know what I mean. Let's just say Hello Kitty was to prudishness as Charmmy Kitty was to gang-bangingness. He'd seen the videos on the Internet, he knew that she was a raging slut probably riddled with diseases, but soon his urges got the better of him, and they embarked on a wild, brief affair that would change the world of Sanrio forever.
Charmmy Kitty disappeared for awhile. When she returned several months later, there was another little kitty accompanying her:
Meet Honey Cute. Charmmy claimed that she was her little sister, but Daniel realized the truth. He wanted to get involved in his daughter's life, so he could try to keep her from turning into the whore that her mother already appeared to be making her into (those bows!), but he didn't know how to do it without Hello Kitty finding out. So he finally decided to tell her the truth.
Hello Kitty did not take the news well. She was downright pissed. Daniel was forced to flee quickly as she screamed obscentities and threw any object she could lift at him. He decided to move in with Charmmy so they could try to make a life together out of their mistake. Hello Kitty completely fell apart. This is how she appears today:
She no longer hangs around with her old Sanrio pals. The memories are too painful to bear. Her life is now a constant bender filled with booze, drugs, and the dirty, dirty sex Charmmy Kitty was once famous for.
(obviously, I have too much time on my hands and an overactive imagination ^_^)
But enough about Sanrio, there are plenty of other products that are wacky enough without long stories attached.
Recently, we got in some maneki neko. This fact isn't unusual, we carry them all the time. What was unusual is the frightening degree of cuteness. Not only do they have cute little faces and adorable little eyes, they are solor powered and move their heads and paws in the light. I couldn't resist....I had to get one. This one is colored blue for success:
I even made a little movie of the movement with my camera....I have no idea what the clicking sound in the background is: Dance, kitty, dance!
Now, with Japanese items, of course you're expecting to see some Engrish. We have lunch boxes that proclaim "We are passionate about lunch communication" and notebooks that say "My mind has become animated. Hello! My friends. Happy!" But I've found that even the Japanese can sound hilarious when translated. We have some Japanese omelet pans that proclaim "oishisa ikiru!" which, whenever I read it, I hear a person proudly proclaiming "deliciousness lives!" And, still on the cuteness issue, there's also Tohoho na Inu, seen here:
I think it's hilarious how the Japanese says "No one knows why he's in the tire." ^_^
Now, sometimes we have some items that prudish Americans might find a bit too erotic, like lanterns that show geisha with their breasts hanging out a bit, or sake cups were you can see a naked chick in the bottom when you pour something in there. Recently we got something that's....pretty blatant. It's a sake set filled with pictures of old style Japanese erotic paintings. Observe:
Note the man in the bottom left cup sucking on the girl's nipple. I think it's pretty funny that we've got some old style pr0n sitting right out there for all to see, though some of my coworkers seemed a bit concerned that children (specifically, children with their parents) might see it and we'll end up with complaints.
I had to save this for last. It cracked me up so much when I saw it. What you'll see below is the package for a "hip cream":
Where do I begin? The perfectly shaped peaches along with the perfectly shaped ass, the Engrishy proclamation of "Wao!"....no, what absolutely kills me is the raised plastic over the ass (it might not be too visible in the picture, but it sticks out pretty far). It's like they wanted people to caress a picture of some chick's ass (I couldn't resist it when I first held it....no one else I handed it to could resist, either!) You just feel so wrong, but the raised plastic just draws your hand in. There's also a "bust up" cream from the same company that has raised plastic over the (barely clothed) breasts. Japanese products have such high entertainment value ^_^