Disposable Parts (part one)
I awoke this morning expecting to see my companion to be filled with a state of suspended consciousness; however this was not the case. I was alone in the room. Never had this happened before and the thought of it ever happening had never crossed my mind. We were as inseparable as a bottle of Cutty Sark and my liver, though really that’s not a good example and my thinking may be skewed just a tad due to a certain hankering for something to drink. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m an alcoholic or anything, its just that certain occasions require a drink to lighten the spirit; weddings, birthdays, and of course waking up unexpectedly alone.
I first thought that maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, and that with the help of some light the situation could quickly be brought to light. At least I still maintained my unique sense of humor… I leaned over to my side and turned on the light on the nightstand. Nothing changed, or at least I didn’t think anything had changed, but I decided to investigate things a little more thoroughly. Okay let’s see here, bed, sheets, pillows… Everything checked out for the most part. No signs of anything out of the ordinary, well, anything more out of the ordinary it would seem.
It seems as though I had lost my shadow.
Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Just then I noticed that I did in fact miss something: a small green rubber dinosaur with big goofy eyes. What was this doing here?
“I need a cup of coffee,” I said aloud.
I had a real bad habit of talking to myself. I think it stems back to not having too many friends as a kid, but realistically it’s probably just something random in me. I never was one to believe all that psycho-babble hoo-hah.
While the coffee brewed, I took care of some post-investigating procedure. With way too much thinking time on your hands you tend to come up with procedures for all kinds of specific situations. Of course, I didn’t have one specifically for losing my shadow, but, I did have one for solving pseudo-murder mysteries. You never really know when something like this is going to happen and you got to be ready to point fingers and exclaim, “…it was Colonel Mustard with the Q-tip in the water closet!”
First I splashed some water on my face and then brushed my teeth; pretty ordinary stuff. I tend to do things in life in order from least fun to most fun. That way you end up leaving things on a high note. The morning routine high note was urinating. I sometimes make up pretend scenarios while I’m urinating. Mostly it’s just the usual “there’s a fire on 5th and Main, and you’re the only one that can put it out!!’
It’s the simple pleasures in life…
Today however I just couldn’t bring myself to put out that pesky fire. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I peed so much that I thought that there might have been a water shortage somewhere in New Mexico, but without my shadow I couldn’t start the fire. My mind wasn’t running its usual course. Seems like the little green bastard knew something I didn’t.
I scooped him up from the bed and carried him to the kitchen table. What a weird couple we made. It’s a good thing no one saw me. I set him down on the table and sat on the opposite end so I could have a good look at him.
After about an hour and three cups of coffee later, I came to a few key observations. The first observation was that 3 cups of coffee in the span of one hour can really fill up the bladder, so I took care of that. Reports of neighborhood fires were still non-existent. The next, was that what I had here was a two inch tall Apatosaurus, which pop culturally would be called a Brontosaurus, it was hunter green and rubber. Other than that, I couldn’t make out any distinguishing features so I just decided to leave it at that.
My mind started to wander. I thought that if Gumby and Pokey had sexual relations with each other and somewhere they spliced in some dinosaur genes that it would look something like that. That would be a crazy movie. At the end of the movie the hideous beast would go up to Dr. Randall and exclaim, “Why did you do this to me?” and the doctor would just say something like, “Because I made a bet…” Of course this plotline wouldn’t hold up in theaters but for me it was just fine, under budget and ideal for the target audience.
I first thought that maybe my eyes were playing tricks on me, and that with the help of some light the situation could quickly be brought to light. At least I still maintained my unique sense of humor… I leaned over to my side and turned on the light on the nightstand. Nothing changed, or at least I didn’t think anything had changed, but I decided to investigate things a little more thoroughly. Okay let’s see here, bed, sheets, pillows… Everything checked out for the most part. No signs of anything out of the ordinary, well, anything more out of the ordinary it would seem.
It seems as though I had lost my shadow.
Now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Just then I noticed that I did in fact miss something: a small green rubber dinosaur with big goofy eyes. What was this doing here?
“I need a cup of coffee,” I said aloud.
I had a real bad habit of talking to myself. I think it stems back to not having too many friends as a kid, but realistically it’s probably just something random in me. I never was one to believe all that psycho-babble hoo-hah.
While the coffee brewed, I took care of some post-investigating procedure. With way too much thinking time on your hands you tend to come up with procedures for all kinds of specific situations. Of course, I didn’t have one specifically for losing my shadow, but, I did have one for solving pseudo-murder mysteries. You never really know when something like this is going to happen and you got to be ready to point fingers and exclaim, “…it was Colonel Mustard with the Q-tip in the water closet!”
First I splashed some water on my face and then brushed my teeth; pretty ordinary stuff. I tend to do things in life in order from least fun to most fun. That way you end up leaving things on a high note. The morning routine high note was urinating. I sometimes make up pretend scenarios while I’m urinating. Mostly it’s just the usual “there’s a fire on 5th and Main, and you’re the only one that can put it out!!’
It’s the simple pleasures in life…
Today however I just couldn’t bring myself to put out that pesky fire. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I peed so much that I thought that there might have been a water shortage somewhere in New Mexico, but without my shadow I couldn’t start the fire. My mind wasn’t running its usual course. Seems like the little green bastard knew something I didn’t.
I scooped him up from the bed and carried him to the kitchen table. What a weird couple we made. It’s a good thing no one saw me. I set him down on the table and sat on the opposite end so I could have a good look at him.
After about an hour and three cups of coffee later, I came to a few key observations. The first observation was that 3 cups of coffee in the span of one hour can really fill up the bladder, so I took care of that. Reports of neighborhood fires were still non-existent. The next, was that what I had here was a two inch tall Apatosaurus, which pop culturally would be called a Brontosaurus, it was hunter green and rubber. Other than that, I couldn’t make out any distinguishing features so I just decided to leave it at that.
My mind started to wander. I thought that if Gumby and Pokey had sexual relations with each other and somewhere they spliced in some dinosaur genes that it would look something like that. That would be a crazy movie. At the end of the movie the hideous beast would go up to Dr. Randall and exclaim, “Why did you do this to me?” and the doctor would just say something like, “Because I made a bet…” Of course this plotline wouldn’t hold up in theaters but for me it was just fine, under budget and ideal for the target audience.