growing up
i have been thinking alot about growing up since harper started k-5. why is it so hard for us to let our kids grow up? isn't that what they are supposed to do? i think i have it figured out. or at least i think i have it figured out for me.
for me i think it is frustration or jealousy over what is happening in her life and not in mine. she is growing and expanding herself. she is becoming a better person. basically i think that i am watching her grow and realizing that am not growing anymore. and i think something very close to bitterness is what we call, "having a hard time letting our kids grow up." and i think if you put something else on top of that, namely harper not needing me anymore to the same degree as she used to, then it becomes close to unbearable as a parent. does my depravity really run so deeply inside me that i would have a hard time dealing with one of the people i love the most growing up and becoming a better person? i think i care more for myself than for harper.
i am trying to fight all of this. i want to let her grow up and become a better person. i want to follow her example and also become a better person.
i love my daughter so much.
for me i think it is frustration or jealousy over what is happening in her life and not in mine. she is growing and expanding herself. she is becoming a better person. basically i think that i am watching her grow and realizing that am not growing anymore. and i think something very close to bitterness is what we call, "having a hard time letting our kids grow up." and i think if you put something else on top of that, namely harper not needing me anymore to the same degree as she used to, then it becomes close to unbearable as a parent. does my depravity really run so deeply inside me that i would have a hard time dealing with one of the people i love the most growing up and becoming a better person? i think i care more for myself than for harper.
i am trying to fight all of this. i want to let her grow up and become a better person. i want to follow her example and also become a better person.
i love my daughter so much.