[PG13] Confessions From a Broken Heart

[sahbel]

Title: Confessions from a Broken Heart
Chapter: alternate ending
Author: sahbeL
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: I do not own these boys. <3
Characters/Pairings: JaeHo/YooSu
Summary: “JaeJoong-Hyung! IF you had to choose between your own life and the success of Dong Bang Shin Ki, which would it be?”
Author's Notes: Here it is. :)

NOTE: The music cue for this chapter is: "Holding Back the Tears" by DBSK. For those who don't have the song in their computers, I suggest youtubing it & just playing it as you read. Anyway! Enjoy! & don't forget to tell me what you think!

Previous Chapters: FICLIST

--x-

ALTERNATE ENDING

“Saranghae, JaeJoongie-yah.” Yunho breathed softly. “…Chongmal Saranghaeyo.”

Silently, JaeJoong lifted his arms and finally returned Yunho’s warm hug with one of his own. JaeJoong felt his eyes slowly drift closed as Yunho subtly nuzzled his hair. He savored every moment and wanted to remember it forever.

He wanted nothing more than what he had at that very moment and it was the best feeling in the world.

“I love you too, Yunho-ah. With all of my un-broken heart… I love you too.”

---

His eyes flew open and he let out a startled gasp. Confusion ripped through his quiet mind.

The place was unfamiliar.

JaeJoong sat up and tried to get a grip on himself, wondering why his chest was so tight and why he felt so weak and disoriented.

Looking around, he noted a large window to his left, with a vacant chair in front of it, facing the left side of his bed.

He sucked in a panicked breath, eyes frantic and breath harsh, wanting Yunho or any one of the members to show up right at that moment.

He couldn’t recognize anything in the room.

There were flowers adorning every surface. Some were accompanied with balloons and cards printed with the words “Get Well Soon”, some had his name on it and “Fighting!!!”.

JaeJoong looked around some more and caught a glimpse of the bedside table on his right. It had a lamp on it and a photo of himself and the other members which for once hadn’t come from a photo-shoot or paparazzi.

JaeJoong stretched out an arm to touch the photo, somewhat relieved to finally glimpse something familiar. As he was reaching out, he caught a glimpse of his bare wrist and sighed with disappointment.

“A dream?” JaeJoong exclaimed, mourning the absence of the bracelet he never had. “nasty dream…” he whispered to no-one in particular.

He also noticed that the fabric that encased his wrist as a sleeve was connected to the rest of what he was wearing. Baffled, he wondered how he had ended up in his hamtaro pajamas and tucked neatly into a bed that had a set of his pillows and blanket.

Distracted, he studied the room some more and noticed a heart monitor beside the bed as well. He followed the cord with his eyes until it reached the end which was stuck to a finger on his right hand.

Hospital, he thought absently.

As JaeJoong continued to familiarize himself with the room, eyes wandering silently, the door opened and a man entered.

With his back to JaeJoong, there wasn’t much to see, but JaeJoong was impressed with the man’s toned and masculine build.

He was tall, wearing torn, well-worn jeans riding low on his hips and bared a glimpse of black underwear band, and a black sleeveless hoodie that fell comfortable over broad shoulders and revealed tanned arms.

He could see cross-earrings dangling from the man’s left ear and couldn’t help wondering briefly if they were his earrings.

JaeJoong noted that the man’s hair was cut short and spiked out in all directions. From the side, he could see two strands of fringe shading the man’s eyes.

JaeJoong was about to speak up and ask who he was when the stranger spoke.

“Hyung, I’m back! I had 3 beef and bacon burgers with fries. And, oh, two sundaes for dessert. Seriously, hospital cafeteria food isn’t very filling.”

He still hadn’t turned around but JaeJoong felt a huge shock go through his system. He would recognize that voice anywhere, but this man didn’t look anything like the boy JaeJoong knew so well.

“Changmin-ah?!” he rasped uncertainly, wondering if this guy was one of Changmin’s long lost brothers or…something. Surprise widened his eyes; he seemed to be having trouble blinking as he watched the man/boy stiffen at the sound of his name. The guy swiftly whirled around, knocking a vase of flowers over in the process and making it wobble dangerously in its place. JaeJoong watched as strange-Changmin scrambled and caught the vase, steadying it.

“Hyung!” The strange-Changmin cried with surprise. “You’re awake!”

JaeJoong continued to stare in silence, gaping at the full impact of the new - older - Changmin. Questions couldn’t come out fast enough.

“What happened to you?! You got big! Are those my earrings??! When did you get your ears pierced?! And your hair! It’s short! What--”

JaeJoong stopped abruptly, choking as a coughing fit took over him. His dry throat’s way of protesting it’s sudden rapid use.

Strange-Changmin dashed forward and passed him a cup of water. JaeJoong gulped it down gratefully.

As he consciously slowed down on the gulping, due to Changmin’s urgings, JaeJoong glanced up at the open TV that he hadn’t noticed until then.

What he saw made his eyes bug out, choke on his water and set him off into another coughing fit.

“What?! What!” Strange-Changmin cried with panic in his tone.

JaeJoong waved an arm towards the TV, staring with disbelief.

Changmin looked up at the TV and relaxed.

“Oh,” was all he said.

JaeJoong stared at the image of “DBSK” on the screen. Junsu had a head of jet-black hair with deep blue streaks. His hair was shorter, but otherwise he was still recognizable to JaeJoong. Yoochun’s hair was slicked back in a messy sort of way, and gave him a more mature look. He wore a simple gray t-shirt and jeans. The next sight made JaeJoong’s heart flutter excitedly. His Yunho was taller and definitely had been working out. His once spiky hair was a little longer and black, but spiked all the same.

JaeJoong stared dreamily at the TV, vaguely hearing Changmin say slowly, “Hyung, there’s something you should know…”

But JaeJoong couldn’t take his eyes away from his love, with his strong and tall form and handsome features and beautifully tanned arms, one wrapped around…

“ME!!” JaeJoong screamed, staring at the fourth figure on the screen, who looked exactly like him!

...Except with big boobs, and form fitting jeans, and a shirt that looked more like a handkerchief.

“Who is that?! What’s going on?!” JaeJoong screamed, throwing the blanket off of himself.

Changmin easily held him back. “Hyung! Calm down! Hyung, you need to hear this first! Hyung!! You’re going to overdo yourself. Listen! There’s a lot you don’t know! HYUNG!!”

JaeJoong had ignored strange-Changmin until he tried to get out of bed and failed miserably, his legs refusing to support his weight. JaeJoong had dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks.

Strange-Changmin watched a dark head poke up from the other side of the bed.

There was a moment’s pause and then a panicked and wheezy voice cried hysterically, “…I’m -- I’m paralyzed!! Oh god, I’m paralyzed! ...I want my Yunho!” JaeJoong ended with a wail.

Changmin scrambled around to the other side of the bed and rushed to calm his hysterical hyung down.

“Hyung…you’re not paralyzed! Hyung! Just take deep breaths. Let me explain everything…” Changmin paused with his hands steadying JaeJoong’s pajama clad shoulders.

“…You’ve been asleep for quite some time now, you know...”

JaeJoong stared at strange-Changmin, noted how much he’d changed and struggled to control his hysteria. Slowly, pieces of memories came flooding back, making JaeJoong shiver.

Concert. Collapse. Pain.

‘Joongie, I Change my mind okay?! I LOVE YOU!’.

And then darkness.

And darkness

…and darkness.

JaeJoong stared at Changmin and tried to calculate how long it would take for Changmin to change so much from the boy he had known to the strange man-Changmin crouching in front of him now.

Slowly, as if fearing the answer, JaeJoong asked softly, “How long?”

Changmin looked at him with sad eyes and replied, “One year…”

JaeJoong sucked in one breath after another, trying not to panic and jump to conclusions. He struggled with the fact that he had just skipped one year of his life.

A sinking feeling in his stomach told him that everything was just about to get worse after what he’d already seen on the TV.

Slowly, JaeJoong raised his eyes and met Changmin’s gaze.

“Start from the beginning. And don’t you dare leave anything out…”

3 Hours later…

JaeJoong continued to sit with his back resting against the side of the bed where he’d fallen. He knew that Changmin didn’t dare leave him after what he had just been told.

The most painful news continued to swirl in his mind as he sat on the floor in a shock-induced daze.

The release of their fourth album? He can handle that.

Yoochun and Junsu modeling? He can handle that too!

Changmin releasing his own song and starring in his own drama? No problem! He’s proud of his dongsaeng!

…But SM assigning Yunho a girlfriend who looked almost exactly like JaeJoong?

…and Yunho falling for this…girl…called Rini?

…No.

The tears refused to fall because JaeJoong refused to believe.

How can fate be so cruel?!

Was Yunho’s confession a dream too?!

Softly, JaeJoong murmured in a pitiful tone, “I want Yunho…I want my Yunnie…”

It seemed like incoherent babbling to Changmin, but he nodded anyway, understanding his hyung’s need to hear it for himself straight from Yunho-hyung’s mouth.

“Okay,” He murmured softly. “Yeah, okay, hyung.”

Changmin swallowed the feeling of regret blooming inside him for being the one to cause so much grief in JaeJoong and he resisted the hatred trying to crawl its way out at the fact that his hyung had woken up to such a big betrayal.

Yunho POV

Yunho smiled at the feel of warm arms wrapping around him from behind. Not quite as muscular as JaeJoong’s would have been, but warm, toned arms all the same.

She wasn’t JaeJoong, but she had her own thing happening, and it enthralled him.

At first, he was completely against the idea of a girlfriend. But with the assurance that it was only for show and so that the fans wouldn’t focus so much on JaeJoong’s condition, he agreed.

The first time he’d seen her; it was hate at first sight. But then the more time they’d spent together, the more she had warmed his heart.

With small touches and tentative smiles, ridiculous ways to make him laugh and long hours of work together.

After almost a year, Yunho found himself confused.

It was Rini and JaeJoong in his heart and he had no idea how she’d crawled her way under his skin.

“Hyung!” Junsu’s voice snapped him out of his reverie, and slowly he slid out of Rini’s arms.

He knew none of the other members approved of the girlfriend thing. They thought it was like replacing their JaeJoong-hyung.

But SM had insisted on a girlfriend, and Yunho hadn’t expected to fall for her.

“What’s up, Junsu?” Rini’s voice asked softly.

Nothing could take the grin off Junsu’s face as he announced, “He’s awake!”

Yunho felt his heart skip a beat. There was only one person he knew of who would cause a grin like that to appear on Junsu’s face.

“Joongie.” He said softly, not noticing Rini’s curious gaze on him.

At the hospital

Yunho took his time walking to JaeJoong’s room, hand clasped tightly with Rini’s.

He wanted the other members to have some time with JaeJoong before he got there.

Dread was making his gut clench at the decision he’d reached.

JaeJoong POV

“Hyung!” Junsu squealed excitedly with the biggest grin on his face.

He heard Changmin gasp aloud. “Yah! Junsu-hyung! You smile!”

At the sound of those words JaeJoong had a sudden flash of hazy memory…or dream, he wasn’t too sure.

//:Flashback://

“JaeJoongie-yah. If it’s not too much trouble, we’d really like for you to wake up now. Changmin’s hungry, and Yoochun needs sleep, and Junsu won’t smile…and I…”

//:Flash end://

JaeJoong blinked at the sudden end of the memory/dream as he smiled and threw his arms around the black and blue streaked…man.

Silently he stared in wonder at Junsu and wondered how he could miss this much change in a year. As if in slow motion, JaeJoong ran a finger through Junsu’s hair, and as he did so, Junsu’s smile faded and JaeJoong glimpsed more of the changes he’d missed.

Junsu’s face was slimmer, his chubbiness fading and revealing a handsome and more mature Junsu. There was a sadness and a solemnity in his eyes that had never been there before, and JaeJoong knew that he was the one who had caused the sudden maturity in his once most innocent brother (aside from Changmin-ah).

He wanted to cry…

…but then Junsu smiled voluntarily, like he hadn’t done so for what seemed like a very long time, and JaeJoong glimpsed the child-like joy in those innocent brown eyes.

“Junsu…” JaeJoong whispered in awe, never wanting that smile to disappear ever again. “…There you are,” he simply said.

Before anything else happened, there was a relieved sigh from the door and then a deep and husky voice. “Ah, I can sleep now…”

JaeJoong looked up and met Yoochun’s tired eyes.

“It’s about time you woke up, hyung. You were taking away all my sleep.” Yoochun said with a smile lighting up his face, and tears welling up in his eyes.

He rushed forward and threw himself into JaeJoong’s arms.

“We missed you, hyung!” he heard Yoochun whisper.

When they realized that Yoochun wasn’t ready to let go yet, Junsu joined the hug, and Changmin sealed it.

[Music Cue - “Holding back the tears”]

5 minutes later, the group hug was still in progress, and Yunho appeared in the doorway.

JaeJoong’s heart skipped a beat when he saw his love, and without the girl who looked like JaeJoong!

“Yunnie!!” JaeJoong cried excitedly. His dongsaeng’s arms slowly fell away from him, as if they didn’t quite want to let go.

Yunho POV

Yunho smiled, momentarily forgetting about the person he’d left outside the door.

“Joongie.” he whispered, and then rushed forward to hug his best friend.

He ignored Yoochun, Changmin’s and Junsu’s hopeful gazes that he would forget about someone else.

JaeJoong POV

Maybe his confession really wasn’t a dream! JaeJoong thought to himself as he savored the feel of Yunho’s arms around him.

He didn’t notice another figure enter the room and stood watching them silently.

“Yunho?” he heard a small, hesitant voice say. And JaeJoong immediately felt his heart sink.

…No.

And then he felt Yunho pull away, with nothing but a friendly smile on his face.

JaeJoong couldn’t see any sign at all that Yunho knew how he felt about him.

“Joongie…this is Rini.” Yunho said, holding out an arm towards the girl with his face. Except of course, JaeJoong thought to himself, he looked way better than that. Didn’t he?

He noticed that Yoochun, Changmin and Junsu were awkwardly staring at the floor as Yunho’s next words reached his ears.

“She’s my girlfriend…”

JaeJoong didn’t say anything, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears.

Then Yunho’s confession was a dream.

JaeJoong wished for sleep to claim him once again and to wake up when this nightmare was over.

But he knew it wasn’t meant to be, when he met Yunho’s gaze. Pleading for him to not act like the other members and dislike her straight away.

From that one simple look into Yunho’s eyes, JaeJoong died a million deaths, because he saw that Yunho had fallen for this…girl…who had his face.

He cursed fate forever for this stupid twist, but at the same time he also made a decision.

Yunho was happy and that’s all that mattered.

Everything else…the confessions, the bracelets, it was all a cruel dream.

So, fighting back tears, JaeJoong did the one thing that he was getting quite good at.

He put a mask on his face and lied.

Just like when he’d confessed and Yunho had said no.

JaeJoong lied through his teeth and struggled to make it as genuine as possible.

“Omo! Yunho-yah, I’m so happy for you!”

JaeJoong forced his mind to keep telling him that there was nothing wrong with his heart. The doctors had fixed it!

But he couldn’t stop the feeling of something remaining broken inside as he continued to smile at the now relieved Yunho.

Rini came forward and JaeJoong forced himself not to recoil.

He should get used to this, because this was his life from now on.

He reminded himself of the love from his dongsaeng, reminded himself of the other things he was thankful for.

That his best friend was happy, that Yunho had someone who loved him.

And as he raised numb arms to hug the girl smiling at him, he focused on being happy for him. Being happy that Yunho was happy. That she would love him better than JaeJoong could.

[Music fade]

~ Fin ~

A/N: So what do you think? Are you guys gonna stick around for the sequel? *prays for yes answers* Don't hate me! lol.

And, just a little trivia - this was written way before Changmin ever pierced his ears and cut his hair and turne into the hottie he is now, so I'm totally a future-teller ehehehe. OR! I just wished really hard that Changmin actually DID transform into the CM i dreamt of. GUH. xD

PS: can anyone send me an MP3 of Mirotic? I still haven't got a copy of it and im hopelessly obsessed with that song. I'd be really grateful if someone could share the Mirotic love? =D

Comments are love!