Prelude to Return
It has been a while since I have written.
Much has happened.
Those updates are in the working.
An ever-magical visit to see Moriah,
My move back to Colorado and settling in,
And Moriah's first epic visit
to see me in my new home.
... but first, just one of my more usual,
trademark-introspective entries to kindle
the initial sparks of the soon-to-be blaze.
Matter of Family.
I wouldn't say I've ever had a huge urge to have a family.
Obviously, at nearly 28, having not yet married nor knocked
someone up, it proves it's not my top priority. I don't look
down on those who made it a top, and often only, priority...
at least not AS much; but they're still stupid for not making
something more of themselves.
... I am also not a single fraction of
a percent Hispanic, nor a Catholic... :P
However, the idea of family is important to me.
And after watching an episode of BBC's Merlin (thanks to Moriah
getting me hooked on it), I don't want to say too much to spoil
the plot, so I'll be vague. Long story short, it was about a
father and son who previously had no knowledge of the other.
It struck something in me.
It may not have been in exactly the same way, but I felt like
despite knowing my parents (and the poor examples thereof they
have served in my life), I feel as if I've never really had
real parents. Just those who took on parts of those roles. I
never speak with my mother. Not after all she did in my youth.
My father was always more like an immature older brother who
cared only for himself; a misguided "bigger heart than head",
taking claim of responsibility and title of "father" only in
the face of my being accredited for an accomplishment for his
own part in the recognition.
After watching the way the reunited pair interacted, even for
solely the one and only day they would have together, (and of
course despite it being acting), it's something more in those
moments as an observer I felt than I ever did with either of
my actual parents in my 28 years on this Earth.
While there are all the reasons in the world to start a family,
mine would be to give a child something I never had. Sure, some
part of it would be admittedly vicarious of an effort; however,
it would be done knowing it was of mutual benefit - more-so
that of the child. I would wish to instill in the child, whether
male or female, an end to the horrid ways of old, a break in the
vicious cycle, and the beginning of something strong; something
selfless, something to cherish, and something worthy of being
passed on far superior to that of emotional and mental scarring
that was bestowed upon me with bitterness my only ally.
Yes, this can of course be done with the children of others.
But there is something altogether more sacred to the bond
shared between actual parents. I would also not wish to
cause resentment toward the actual parents for being there
more than they should.
I'm also not about to throw discipline out the window in favor
of spoiling and showering with everything in my power. Oddly, I
already have an established way in which I'd raise the hypothetical
hell spawn(s). With a healthy dose of realism, yet not without the
necessary balance of appreciation for the mysteries of life and to
respect many of life's best gifts, which are often discovered by
oneself than simply given.
I really don't know what else to say about it than that.
Only that I hope to make something established and successful
of myself in order to support said hypothetical family.
Entries soon to come.
Much has happened.
Those updates are in the working.
An ever-magical visit to see Moriah,
My move back to Colorado and settling in,
And Moriah's first epic visit
to see me in my new home.
... but first, just one of my more usual,
trademark-introspective entries to kindle
the initial sparks of the soon-to-be blaze.
Matter of Family.
I wouldn't say I've ever had a huge urge to have a family.
Obviously, at nearly 28, having not yet married nor knocked
someone up, it proves it's not my top priority. I don't look
down on those who made it a top, and often only, priority...
at least not AS much; but they're still stupid for not making
something more of themselves.
... I am also not a single fraction of
a percent Hispanic, nor a Catholic... :P
However, the idea of family is important to me.
And after watching an episode of BBC's Merlin (thanks to Moriah
getting me hooked on it), I don't want to say too much to spoil
the plot, so I'll be vague. Long story short, it was about a
father and son who previously had no knowledge of the other.
It struck something in me.
It may not have been in exactly the same way, but I felt like
despite knowing my parents (and the poor examples thereof they
have served in my life), I feel as if I've never really had
real parents. Just those who took on parts of those roles. I
never speak with my mother. Not after all she did in my youth.
My father was always more like an immature older brother who
cared only for himself; a misguided "bigger heart than head",
taking claim of responsibility and title of "father" only in
the face of my being accredited for an accomplishment for his
own part in the recognition.
After watching the way the reunited pair interacted, even for
solely the one and only day they would have together, (and of
course despite it being acting), it's something more in those
moments as an observer I felt than I ever did with either of
my actual parents in my 28 years on this Earth.
While there are all the reasons in the world to start a family,
mine would be to give a child something I never had. Sure, some
part of it would be admittedly vicarious of an effort; however,
it would be done knowing it was of mutual benefit - more-so
that of the child. I would wish to instill in the child, whether
male or female, an end to the horrid ways of old, a break in the
vicious cycle, and the beginning of something strong; something
selfless, something to cherish, and something worthy of being
passed on far superior to that of emotional and mental scarring
that was bestowed upon me with bitterness my only ally.
Yes, this can of course be done with the children of others.
But there is something altogether more sacred to the bond
shared between actual parents. I would also not wish to
cause resentment toward the actual parents for being there
more than they should.
I'm also not about to throw discipline out the window in favor
of spoiling and showering with everything in my power. Oddly, I
already have an established way in which I'd raise the hypothetical
hell spawn(s). With a healthy dose of realism, yet not without the
necessary balance of appreciation for the mysteries of life and to
respect many of life's best gifts, which are often discovered by
oneself than simply given.
I really don't know what else to say about it than that.
Only that I hope to make something established and successful
of myself in order to support said hypothetical family.
Entries soon to come.