Fic - To Lose With Grace, To Win With Honour
Title: To Lose With Grace, to Win With Honour
Pairing/Characters: Sanada/Yukimura with appearances by rest of Rikkai (Prince of Tennis)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2454
Summary: Sanada must face Yukimura after his devestating loss to Ryoma
Notes: Written several summers ago for a fic exchange
Sanada stood as the solitary figure dressed in mustard on the tennis courts as the medals were awarded. He couldn’t even bring himself to look down at the silver - not gold - medal hanging from his neck. He went through the necessary motions with a forced blank expression on his face, congratulating those from Seigaku as if he wasn’t actually falling apart on the inside.
He had broken a promise, the only promise he had ever made in his life that had truly mattered to him. He had driven the team and himself relentlessly to keep it but still he had failed. He had promised to never lose a game let alone an entire match. This was unprecedented in Rikkai.
For some teams, losses were acceptable and even expected as numerous schools did not have the national level players that Rikkai possessed, other schools, like Hyotei saw losses as unacceptable and if, on the rare occasion, some person was stupid enough to lose, they were swiftly and irrevocably removed from the regular team. Rikkai had neither the rule of tolerance or intolerance of losses. In Rikkai, losses just never happened; had never happened in the years that Yukimura, Yanagi and himself had been on the team, at least until now. And if by chance a loss did occur, the entire match was never lost, and the failing team member was given a new training regime and extra motivation to be the best.
There was nothing to do now but to make his way to the hospital and to Yukimura’s side. His team mates would be there, no doubt disappointed in his failure to produce the gold, having heard of his utter defeat at the hands of a freshman as it was broadcasted live over the local radio station. He hoped that Yanagi hadn’t decided to make a copy for data, and while he was at it, he hoped Niou was too busy worrying over their true captain to think about making a copy to torture him with daily.
In what felt like hours, but was really only a few minutes he had arrived at the door that would lead him to the waiting area for friends or family of patients being operated on. With a steadying breath, he opened the door slowly. The sight that greeted him was predictable and he felt a bit of comfort from the familiarity of it all. “How is he?” He asked with no preamble of the match or tedious greetings.
“We don’t know. They should be nearly done though.” Yanagi explained, standing up from the uncomfortable looking couch he had been sharing with Kirihara. The others just stared at him, a mixture of the same emotions Sanada was feeling being reflected in the eyes of his teammates.
Nobody said a word and Sanada moved further into the room to take up sentry by the lone and out of order vending machine. The soft hum of the overhead lights and the occasional popped bubble from Bunta were the only noises as time moved slowly onward.
Kirihara was the first to fall asleep but not the last, Bunta drifted off shortly after with his mouth agape and green gum falling to the floor by a disgusted Jackal’s feet. Niou, or was it Yagyuu, slumped onto his partner’s shoulder and his breathing evened out soon after. It had been a long day, and the calm after a good match was always tiring, no matter the outcome. But Sanada, whose stomach was churning at the thought of facing his captain, felt as far away as tired as anyone could.
Time inched forward and the squeaking of the door broke the deafening silence in their small waiting room. Kirihara jumped awake and was on his feet moments later, soon joined by Bunta and then rest of the team as they surrounded the poor nurse to hear any news on their friend.
It took her a few moments to compose herself after being so startled before she could start. “Your friend is out of surgery now.” She spoke in slow measured tones as if she were addressing small children. Sanada instantly disliked her. “He’s been brought to his room to rest.” At those words there was a small insurgence from the group towards the door, but she threw a stern look their way, Sanada glowered back. “But, visiting hours are long since over and I’ll have to ask you to return tomorrow. He’ll be in a better condition to receive you then.” Her tone left no room for argument although Niou, he was fairly certain it was Niou - the mole gave it away - opened his mouth to protest but snapped it shut again when Yagyuu laid a hand on his shoulder.
After receiving several nods of assent, the nurse smiled softly and exited the room. It was then Sanada found himself the centre of the team’s attention, hearing fragments of sentences as everyone talked at once.
“Are we really leaving?”
“But we waited so long.”
“Let’s break in to say hi.”
“How do we know he’s really alright?”
Feeling a headache coming on top of everything else Sanada was not amused. “Silence.” Immediately the room fell blessedly quiet. “We will go home for tonight and gather here first thing tomorrow. We’re no good to Yukimura if we get thrown out of the hospital.” He gave a long look at both Niou and Yagyuu who had a tendency to not hear the rules when together. Receiving a solid ‘yes Sanada’ he relaxed slightly, he had feared his loss would make them respect him less. He gave Kirihara an encouraging push towards the doors, knowing how he often lingered to ask questions.
It was Yanagi who cleared the room for him and tossed him an understanding look before vacating the area as well. Yes, he had told the team to go home and not break rules, but this was more important than that. Sanada had to face Yukimura as soon as he could; the longer he put it off the faster shame would eat his soul.
It was surprisingly easy to sneak down the hall and to Yukimura’s room, the nurses’ station being on the other end of the ward being a large help to any covert visiting operations. Bracing himself for the disappointment, he was about to deliver he slowly eased open Yukimura’s door and just as softly, closed it behind him. He didn’t want to awaken his captain if he was sleeping.
Although, he shouldn’t have been surprised to see the other man, propped up on pillows and looking serenely out the seventh floor window, as if waiting for him to arrive. “Yukimura.” Sanada stated as a greeting and walked further into the room.
“It looks like such a beautiful night outside.” Yukimura said as if stating a fact, no wistfulness to his voice. He didn’t turn to acknowledge his visitor and this made Sanada feel even more self-conscious than he already did.
“The weather is quite pleasant. Renji was commenting on it just the other day.” It was really something about the warmth lingering in the nights being good for late evening practices but some things didn’t need to be said between friends. Still, Yukimura didn’t turn, only nodded and continued to stare out into the night world.
“Still, the look of tranquility doesn’t mean there isn’t crime and chaos happening down there at this very moment.” It was then that Yukimura shifted sharp eyes from the window to Sanada. They stared at one another for a moment; Sanada could see that despite the sharpness to Yukimura’s eyes, there was a tiredness and fog that lingered around the edges. The surgery had taken more out of his captain than either would ever admit. He would have to make tonight’s visit brief.
Sanada blinked, he was unwilling to turn away but he felt as if the other was reading his very soul. In the end, it was Yukimura who looked away, staring instead straight ahead of himself at the horribly blank and white wall. “Tell me Sanada, what chaos lurks beneath the cover of perfection?” The tone was solid steel despite its lulling tone.
There was no doubt to the vice-captain that Yukimura was no longer talking about the city below, and probably never really was. He wanted to know what had become of his team and why they had lost. He would have been surprised that Yukimura already knew of their crushing defeat, but he had a feeling that the first words Yukimura spoke upon waking up after surgery was, ‘did we win?’. Finding the answer out to that question would not have been any trouble for the likeable youth. He had a talent of drawing people to him, like moths to a flame.
“We lost.” Sanada said simply, and by the look Yukimura gave him, it was not enough of an explanation. But how could he go on in any detail about the lost match or even how the team had fared in the captain’s absence when he already felt as if he had let down the other beyond repair. To tell him about the new strict regime that had been invented, or the way Akaya and the others used their skills to pull off foul plays to rival players all under his supervision and even encouraged by him felt too painful.
“I know.” Yukimura was finally forced to say after Sanada’s continuing silence breaking off his brooding thoughts. He patted an empty spot on his bed, gesturing for the other to sit and relax. “But I’m still here and still alive. And despite it all, we are still going to the Nationals.” It wasn’t a ‘you’, it was a ‘we’ and that word inspired a bit of hope in Sanada.
He sat stiffly on the bed, moving with extreme caution to touch a pale hand. “I will not lose again.” Sanada whispered, a vow much like the one he had said the day Yukimura had been diagnosed.
“No, we will not lose again. And if for some reason we do, we will do so with grace.” The razor sharp edge to his voice caused Sanada to look up with a start. What did he mean by that?
“I know that in my absence you have allowed certain things to happen, but our Rikkai does not need to use underhanded tactics to win. We will win with honour and lose with grace.” He stared into Sanada’s eyes but under that strong gaze Sanada couldn’t hold the connection and was forced to look down at the silver medal that lay like a signal of shame around his neck.
Sanada kept his head bowed and lowered further as he apologized sincerely to his captain and friend, “I’m sorry I have failed you in your absence.” He had no excuse for his extreme actions that he or his teammates took without the restraining but encouraging hand of Yukimura behind them.
Sanada felt a brief cool touch graze across his cheek before it settled firmly under his chin, giving a forceful push up. Sanada rose his head up slowly, trying not to lean too much into the soothing hands. “No need for such extremes.” Yukimura said as if knowing exactly what thoughts were racing through his vice-captain’s head.
“Yes, I’m disappointed, but more so in my body for betraying me than anything that you or the team has done.” Yukimura slid his hand so that the palm was properly cupping Sanada’s face, “I’ll be back soon and then we can both lead Rikkai to Nationals.” The hand slid down the side of Sanada’s cheek and before he noticed what had happened, his hat had been plucked off his head.
“I must have such bad bed head.” Yukimura said with a laugh, placing the slightly large cap on top of the messy waves of his raven hair.
Sanada felt off balanced for a minute, still feeling guilty about losing but now being confronted with a playful and forgiving Yukimura. “What about the loss?”
Yukimura’s smile faded slightly, “We can discuss the details tomorrow. Our world may be tennis, but there is more to life than the courts.” Those sharp knowing eyes looked pointedly at the heart monitoring system and IV stand beside his bed.
Sanada still felt uneasy and Yukimura must have easily picked up on that. “Knowing you’re sorry is enough and that means you won’t let any of this happen again. Besides, I don’t need a vice-captain who can’t recompose himself after one defeat.” He pulled the hat off his head and steadied it in his hands; Sanada looked down at them too. It was then he noticed they were shaking slightly, he had stayed longer than he had meant to.
“Be strong for me Sanada, at least until I can be strong enough for everyone.” Yukimura eventually whispered, placing the hat back on Sanada’s head at an interesting angle.
Sanada gave a small frown as he straightened his hat. “Always.” He said feeling both admonished and emboldened by his talk with Yukimura. He was glad he had the chance to talk alone with him before the others. “It’s getting late.” The nurses would be by soon.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” Yukimura replied, head resting against the mound of pillows behind him. With his eyes closed in thought, a soft smile playing on his lips, Sanada found him the image of tranquility, despite the sterile surroundings and pale colouring of his skin.
“Rest well, Yukimura.” Sanada said softly, leaning over just enough to press a soft kiss to his captain’s cheek before moving off the bed. He walked over to the windows and moved to close the blinds so that Yukimura would be able to rest undisturbed by the morning’s light but his hand was stayed by the soft command from the bed.
“Don’t.” Yukimura hadn’t opened his eyes, but Sanada knew the look beneath those pale eyelids would be deadly sharp. “Just because there is chaos below, doesn’t mean I want to separate myself from the world. I just need to learn more about it.” The smile widened slightly and Sanada knew why. His captain would be among the world he longed for a lot sooner than he was the day before.
“You can start tomorrow, for now, get some rest.” He pulled the blinds shut and this time Yukimura didn’t protest. Sanada walked back over to the bed and gently felt the cool skin of his captain’s hand before carefully covering it with a blanket. He left the room as quietly as he could.
Tomorrow, Rikkai would walk a new path, where winning with honour together under Yukimura’s command would be top priorities.
Pairing/Characters: Sanada/Yukimura with appearances by rest of Rikkai (Prince of Tennis)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2454
Summary: Sanada must face Yukimura after his devestating loss to Ryoma
Notes: Written several summers ago for a fic exchange
Sanada stood as the solitary figure dressed in mustard on the tennis courts as the medals were awarded. He couldn’t even bring himself to look down at the silver - not gold - medal hanging from his neck. He went through the necessary motions with a forced blank expression on his face, congratulating those from Seigaku as if he wasn’t actually falling apart on the inside.
He had broken a promise, the only promise he had ever made in his life that had truly mattered to him. He had driven the team and himself relentlessly to keep it but still he had failed. He had promised to never lose a game let alone an entire match. This was unprecedented in Rikkai.
For some teams, losses were acceptable and even expected as numerous schools did not have the national level players that Rikkai possessed, other schools, like Hyotei saw losses as unacceptable and if, on the rare occasion, some person was stupid enough to lose, they were swiftly and irrevocably removed from the regular team. Rikkai had neither the rule of tolerance or intolerance of losses. In Rikkai, losses just never happened; had never happened in the years that Yukimura, Yanagi and himself had been on the team, at least until now. And if by chance a loss did occur, the entire match was never lost, and the failing team member was given a new training regime and extra motivation to be the best.
There was nothing to do now but to make his way to the hospital and to Yukimura’s side. His team mates would be there, no doubt disappointed in his failure to produce the gold, having heard of his utter defeat at the hands of a freshman as it was broadcasted live over the local radio station. He hoped that Yanagi hadn’t decided to make a copy for data, and while he was at it, he hoped Niou was too busy worrying over their true captain to think about making a copy to torture him with daily.
In what felt like hours, but was really only a few minutes he had arrived at the door that would lead him to the waiting area for friends or family of patients being operated on. With a steadying breath, he opened the door slowly. The sight that greeted him was predictable and he felt a bit of comfort from the familiarity of it all. “How is he?” He asked with no preamble of the match or tedious greetings.
“We don’t know. They should be nearly done though.” Yanagi explained, standing up from the uncomfortable looking couch he had been sharing with Kirihara. The others just stared at him, a mixture of the same emotions Sanada was feeling being reflected in the eyes of his teammates.
Nobody said a word and Sanada moved further into the room to take up sentry by the lone and out of order vending machine. The soft hum of the overhead lights and the occasional popped bubble from Bunta were the only noises as time moved slowly onward.
Kirihara was the first to fall asleep but not the last, Bunta drifted off shortly after with his mouth agape and green gum falling to the floor by a disgusted Jackal’s feet. Niou, or was it Yagyuu, slumped onto his partner’s shoulder and his breathing evened out soon after. It had been a long day, and the calm after a good match was always tiring, no matter the outcome. But Sanada, whose stomach was churning at the thought of facing his captain, felt as far away as tired as anyone could.
Time inched forward and the squeaking of the door broke the deafening silence in their small waiting room. Kirihara jumped awake and was on his feet moments later, soon joined by Bunta and then rest of the team as they surrounded the poor nurse to hear any news on their friend.
It took her a few moments to compose herself after being so startled before she could start. “Your friend is out of surgery now.” She spoke in slow measured tones as if she were addressing small children. Sanada instantly disliked her. “He’s been brought to his room to rest.” At those words there was a small insurgence from the group towards the door, but she threw a stern look their way, Sanada glowered back. “But, visiting hours are long since over and I’ll have to ask you to return tomorrow. He’ll be in a better condition to receive you then.” Her tone left no room for argument although Niou, he was fairly certain it was Niou - the mole gave it away - opened his mouth to protest but snapped it shut again when Yagyuu laid a hand on his shoulder.
After receiving several nods of assent, the nurse smiled softly and exited the room. It was then Sanada found himself the centre of the team’s attention, hearing fragments of sentences as everyone talked at once.
“Are we really leaving?”
“But we waited so long.”
“Let’s break in to say hi.”
“How do we know he’s really alright?”
Feeling a headache coming on top of everything else Sanada was not amused. “Silence.” Immediately the room fell blessedly quiet. “We will go home for tonight and gather here first thing tomorrow. We’re no good to Yukimura if we get thrown out of the hospital.” He gave a long look at both Niou and Yagyuu who had a tendency to not hear the rules when together. Receiving a solid ‘yes Sanada’ he relaxed slightly, he had feared his loss would make them respect him less. He gave Kirihara an encouraging push towards the doors, knowing how he often lingered to ask questions.
It was Yanagi who cleared the room for him and tossed him an understanding look before vacating the area as well. Yes, he had told the team to go home and not break rules, but this was more important than that. Sanada had to face Yukimura as soon as he could; the longer he put it off the faster shame would eat his soul.
It was surprisingly easy to sneak down the hall and to Yukimura’s room, the nurses’ station being on the other end of the ward being a large help to any covert visiting operations. Bracing himself for the disappointment, he was about to deliver he slowly eased open Yukimura’s door and just as softly, closed it behind him. He didn’t want to awaken his captain if he was sleeping.
Although, he shouldn’t have been surprised to see the other man, propped up on pillows and looking serenely out the seventh floor window, as if waiting for him to arrive. “Yukimura.” Sanada stated as a greeting and walked further into the room.
“It looks like such a beautiful night outside.” Yukimura said as if stating a fact, no wistfulness to his voice. He didn’t turn to acknowledge his visitor and this made Sanada feel even more self-conscious than he already did.
“The weather is quite pleasant. Renji was commenting on it just the other day.” It was really something about the warmth lingering in the nights being good for late evening practices but some things didn’t need to be said between friends. Still, Yukimura didn’t turn, only nodded and continued to stare out into the night world.
“Still, the look of tranquility doesn’t mean there isn’t crime and chaos happening down there at this very moment.” It was then that Yukimura shifted sharp eyes from the window to Sanada. They stared at one another for a moment; Sanada could see that despite the sharpness to Yukimura’s eyes, there was a tiredness and fog that lingered around the edges. The surgery had taken more out of his captain than either would ever admit. He would have to make tonight’s visit brief.
Sanada blinked, he was unwilling to turn away but he felt as if the other was reading his very soul. In the end, it was Yukimura who looked away, staring instead straight ahead of himself at the horribly blank and white wall. “Tell me Sanada, what chaos lurks beneath the cover of perfection?” The tone was solid steel despite its lulling tone.
There was no doubt to the vice-captain that Yukimura was no longer talking about the city below, and probably never really was. He wanted to know what had become of his team and why they had lost. He would have been surprised that Yukimura already knew of their crushing defeat, but he had a feeling that the first words Yukimura spoke upon waking up after surgery was, ‘did we win?’. Finding the answer out to that question would not have been any trouble for the likeable youth. He had a talent of drawing people to him, like moths to a flame.
“We lost.” Sanada said simply, and by the look Yukimura gave him, it was not enough of an explanation. But how could he go on in any detail about the lost match or even how the team had fared in the captain’s absence when he already felt as if he had let down the other beyond repair. To tell him about the new strict regime that had been invented, or the way Akaya and the others used their skills to pull off foul plays to rival players all under his supervision and even encouraged by him felt too painful.
“I know.” Yukimura was finally forced to say after Sanada’s continuing silence breaking off his brooding thoughts. He patted an empty spot on his bed, gesturing for the other to sit and relax. “But I’m still here and still alive. And despite it all, we are still going to the Nationals.” It wasn’t a ‘you’, it was a ‘we’ and that word inspired a bit of hope in Sanada.
He sat stiffly on the bed, moving with extreme caution to touch a pale hand. “I will not lose again.” Sanada whispered, a vow much like the one he had said the day Yukimura had been diagnosed.
“No, we will not lose again. And if for some reason we do, we will do so with grace.” The razor sharp edge to his voice caused Sanada to look up with a start. What did he mean by that?
“I know that in my absence you have allowed certain things to happen, but our Rikkai does not need to use underhanded tactics to win. We will win with honour and lose with grace.” He stared into Sanada’s eyes but under that strong gaze Sanada couldn’t hold the connection and was forced to look down at the silver medal that lay like a signal of shame around his neck.
Sanada kept his head bowed and lowered further as he apologized sincerely to his captain and friend, “I’m sorry I have failed you in your absence.” He had no excuse for his extreme actions that he or his teammates took without the restraining but encouraging hand of Yukimura behind them.
Sanada felt a brief cool touch graze across his cheek before it settled firmly under his chin, giving a forceful push up. Sanada rose his head up slowly, trying not to lean too much into the soothing hands. “No need for such extremes.” Yukimura said as if knowing exactly what thoughts were racing through his vice-captain’s head.
“Yes, I’m disappointed, but more so in my body for betraying me than anything that you or the team has done.” Yukimura slid his hand so that the palm was properly cupping Sanada’s face, “I’ll be back soon and then we can both lead Rikkai to Nationals.” The hand slid down the side of Sanada’s cheek and before he noticed what had happened, his hat had been plucked off his head.
“I must have such bad bed head.” Yukimura said with a laugh, placing the slightly large cap on top of the messy waves of his raven hair.
Sanada felt off balanced for a minute, still feeling guilty about losing but now being confronted with a playful and forgiving Yukimura. “What about the loss?”
Yukimura’s smile faded slightly, “We can discuss the details tomorrow. Our world may be tennis, but there is more to life than the courts.” Those sharp knowing eyes looked pointedly at the heart monitoring system and IV stand beside his bed.
Sanada still felt uneasy and Yukimura must have easily picked up on that. “Knowing you’re sorry is enough and that means you won’t let any of this happen again. Besides, I don’t need a vice-captain who can’t recompose himself after one defeat.” He pulled the hat off his head and steadied it in his hands; Sanada looked down at them too. It was then he noticed they were shaking slightly, he had stayed longer than he had meant to.
“Be strong for me Sanada, at least until I can be strong enough for everyone.” Yukimura eventually whispered, placing the hat back on Sanada’s head at an interesting angle.
Sanada gave a small frown as he straightened his hat. “Always.” He said feeling both admonished and emboldened by his talk with Yukimura. He was glad he had the chance to talk alone with him before the others. “It’s getting late.” The nurses would be by soon.
“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.” Yukimura replied, head resting against the mound of pillows behind him. With his eyes closed in thought, a soft smile playing on his lips, Sanada found him the image of tranquility, despite the sterile surroundings and pale colouring of his skin.
“Rest well, Yukimura.” Sanada said softly, leaning over just enough to press a soft kiss to his captain’s cheek before moving off the bed. He walked over to the windows and moved to close the blinds so that Yukimura would be able to rest undisturbed by the morning’s light but his hand was stayed by the soft command from the bed.
“Don’t.” Yukimura hadn’t opened his eyes, but Sanada knew the look beneath those pale eyelids would be deadly sharp. “Just because there is chaos below, doesn’t mean I want to separate myself from the world. I just need to learn more about it.” The smile widened slightly and Sanada knew why. His captain would be among the world he longed for a lot sooner than he was the day before.
“You can start tomorrow, for now, get some rest.” He pulled the blinds shut and this time Yukimura didn’t protest. Sanada walked back over to the bed and gently felt the cool skin of his captain’s hand before carefully covering it with a blanket. He left the room as quietly as he could.
Tomorrow, Rikkai would walk a new path, where winning with honour together under Yukimura’s command would be top priorities.