Fic - Weevil Cookies
Title: Weevil Cookies
Rating: PG
Words: 1950
Summary: Ianto finds fresh baked cookies in the hub one morning and thinks Jack has been playing with alien tech. A sequel to Alien Baking 101
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness and Toshiko Sato
Author's Notes: Inspired by Ianto not always being perfect, Jack being a known troublemaker and the joys of alien tech.
Ianto Jones paused and waited for the cog door to slowly roll out of his way. As he stood there, he reached up and gave his tie a final tug making sure it was straight and snug. He then glanced at his watch and was satisfied with what he saw. It was later than he usually got in but Jack had told them all to take a late morning so he wasn't expecting anyone else on the team to be in yet. Hopefully, he'd have time to get some of the more mundane but still vital tasks out of the way before being disturbed.
As he stepped into the Hub, he noticed that the lights were fully on and the computers booted up. There was also a wonderfully sweet smell in the air. Someone, besides Jack, was definitely in. He walked up the steps and toward the coffee area and looked into Jack's office. There was Jack, and across from him was Toshiko. He looked at her work station and saw her coat hanging on the back of her chair. He probably could have guessed it would be Toshiko.
Out of the three she was the most likely to show up early for work, keen to get started on some new program or follow up on some alien tech. But Gwen was known to pop in at all hours needing to talk and connect with someone. It was something that Ianto found highly inconvenient when trying to plan rounds of naked hide and seek. How did you plan around someone who was as random as Gwen? And even Owen might make an early or late night appearance. Though Ianto suspected his had less to do with any desire for work or Jack's company and more to do with the fact that his night on the pull hadn't gone well.
He caught Jack's eyes through the open doorway and Jack gave him a huge grin and his traditional please make me coffee pose. Toshiko, who must have been confused as to why Jack was suddenly praying, followed Jack's line of sight and gave a small wave when she spotted Ianto.
Ianto gave a small smile and nod in return and headed to the coffeemaker, where he was going anyway, to make them all a cup.
He rounded the corner and entered the small kitchen area and froze. He knew he had smelled something sweet earlier but hadn't thought much of it. But now, the evidence was staring him in the face.
Freshly baked, delicious smelling cookies were sitting innocently on a nice decorative platter. But Ianto knew better. He didn't bring the cookies into the hub and there was no bakery bag still in sight. That meant only one thing. Jack had been playing with banned toys.
Ianto didn't remember the platter having flowers on it last time, but he wasn't fooled. Jack probably used the Stewart line of products to make breakfast every morning as a child. It wouldn't be a stretch for Jack to know how to change the cookie or platter type.
He inched toward the cookies and stared down at them as if they were some alien bomb about to explode. They really did look as wonderful as they smelled and Ianto had to admit to himself that he was tempted. But even though the others had shown no ill side effects after eating his batch of weevil-made cookies it still wasn't reassurance enough to eat one of these. And Jack might not have even used weevil.
With just the barest tips of his fingers and more gently than if it was unknown alien tech - in Ianto's mind it was unknown alien food substances so deserved the same care - he pushed the tray of cookies down the counter and out of the way of the coffee machine.
It was the work of a moment to get a new batch of his perfect coffee brewing. Soon, the smell filled the air and began to overpower the cookie scent and Ianto looked back at the offending objects.
Jack had to know that Ianto would catch on to him. So, why leave the cookies in plain sight, practically with a note that would read 'played with alien tech, enjoy the cookies' next to them? Maybe he thought the punishment would be less severe if he confessed to the sins right away? Maybe he wanted to give Ianto the chance to remind him to brush his teeth before kissing him? Because as Ianto looked at the tray he could clearly see traces of where more cookies used to be stacked on it. He really hoped Toshiko hadn't eaten any of Jack's alien made cookies. He still felt bad about lying the last time she had.
Maybe Jack was just getting forgetful in his old age and hadn't remembered that Ianto knew about the device and didn't trust it. That would explain why Jack thought it was okay to play with tech from the secure archives.
Though, there could possibly be a legitimate, or at least bearable, excuse for why Jack had to use the device to make cookies. As long as it wasn't an early morning cookie craving before the bakeries opened. Ianto might not have to kill him if it was that. Not that he ever would kill Jack, but it was often therapeutic to think about it. It's not as if it would stick. And he'd certainly had more messed up relationships then this anyway.
Still, Jack had had his fun. No need to let anyone else stumble onto the alien cookies. The thought of putting an end to Jack's twisted fun brought a smile to his face. Humming under his breath, he merrily scooped up the cookies and walked over to the bin.
“Whoops,” he said. And let the cookies slide off the tray and into the garbage with a satisfying thudding noise. He debated a minute over the platter. He couldn't see the harm in reusing it and it did have a nice design on it. He was sure that after a good scrubbing it would be usable without fear of alien contamination. He brought it over to the sink and set it to soak with a couple of dishes that were sitting on the counter.
Satisfied that the early morning alien threat was neutralized, Ianto finished preparing the coffees and used a non-alien tray to bring them up to Jack's office.
“Good morning,” He said in his usual polite tone as he walked into the office. Jack gave him a full grin while Toshiko thanked him gently as he handed over the cup.
Ianto gave a small smiled and nod of his head in recognition and then tried to catch Jack's eye and send him a message that he was onto him and his cookie making ways. Jack gave him a wink, clearly lacking a repentant bone in his body. Either that or he mistook Ianto's masterful glare as a leer.
“I should bring out the cookies I baked,” Toshiko said suddenly, startling Ianto from trying to improve his glare.
“What?”
“The cookies in the kitchen,” She paused and Ianto realised she was waiting for him to acknowledge it.
Only one thing to do. Lie. With the practice that came from working for Torchwood, sleeping with Jack and his somewhat dodgy past of hiding a cyberwoman in the basement he schooled his features to not give anything away. “Oh, right. I just didn't realise you could bake.” Did that sound horrible? Better to admit to a lack of knowledge regarding her culinary skills than admit he thought they were alien.
“I know I'm not really the baking type. But I had all of this extra energy and I thought it would be a good way to work it out. Jack said they were the best cookies he's had in months.” Toshiko beamed.
Ianto wanted to crawl into a sewer with a weevil. But somehow he continued to smile and nod. Honesty and pride was oozing from Toshiko so he couldn't even convince himself that Jack had made weevil cookies and forced Toshiko to lie for him. Jack had done that on several occasions to a varying degree of success. Those had been home baked cookies from Toshiko. Not the suspected and feared alien cookies.
“I'll just go get them for us,” Toshiko was setting her mug down on Jack's desk and Ianto knew he had to act fast.
He struck the pose that all troublemakers learnt to adopt when trying to act sincere and apologetic. Feet shuffling, head bowed, fingers fiddling with his coffee mug. “Actually Tosh, slight problem with that.” He looked over at her and offered a small smile. “I'm a bit of a klutz this morning. Knocked the whole tray over when going for the coffee pot.” He hoped they didn't point out that they hadn't heard any clattering. He could say that it had fallen onto a tea towel he had just dropped but that was stretching it. “I'd thought Jack had just gone to the bakery. I was about to go get some replacements.” He gave a hopeful look. This one he didn't have to fake. He was hoping with every inch that Toshiko was buying it.
He watched as her face fell but then she picked herself back up and gave a smile of her own. “Don't worry Ianto, we all have our clumsy mornings.” Toshiko was a lovely forgiving girl.
Ianto gave her a genuine smile. “I am sorry. I can go get some more cookies now. And we can still tell Owen and Gwen you made them.”
Toshiko laughed and shook her head. “If that's the case, I should go get them myself. I'll even grab my tray to put them on so they won't notice the bag.”
Jack chuckled at that and Ianto looked over at him. He wondered if Jack had fallen for it. They'd gotten to know each other so well lately that Ianto hadn't dared to look over at him while lying through his teeth.
But with Toshiko having believed him, Ianto felt like he could relax slightly and enjoy his coffee. Conversation, thankfully, moved onto different topics of course ending with a ludicrous story from Jack.
After they had finished their coffees, Ianto made his way over to fetch the tray. Giving it a proper wipe down before handing it back to Toshiko who was now by her work station. Jacket on and bag in hand.
“Here you go. Your secret's safe with me.” Ianto gave her a wink as she took the tray.
“Yours too, Ianto.” She gave them a wave and disappeared through the cogwheel.
As it rolled to a close behind her, Ianto felt Jack move in behind him.
“You thought I'd made weevil cookies,” Jack stated. Ianto hated that it wasn't even a question.
“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Or was it hoix cookies? Dinosaur dropping cookies? UNIT paperwork cookies?” A smug Jack was often a sexy Jack. But Ianto found it was lacking something when it was being directed at him.
“Not at all. I just had a clumsy moment. A slight loss of dignity but no intentional harm done,” Ianto said still not turning around to face Jack. He did make a mental note to doctor the CCTV if it was needed.
Jack, not to be deterred, moved around Ianto instead. “Don't worry, Ianto. Your secret's safe with me.”
Ianto swore as Jack moved back up to his office, his laughter echoing through the hub.
Rating: PG
Words: 1950
Summary: Ianto finds fresh baked cookies in the hub one morning and thinks Jack has been playing with alien tech. A sequel to Alien Baking 101
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness and Toshiko Sato
Author's Notes: Inspired by Ianto not always being perfect, Jack being a known troublemaker and the joys of alien tech.
Ianto Jones paused and waited for the cog door to slowly roll out of his way. As he stood there, he reached up and gave his tie a final tug making sure it was straight and snug. He then glanced at his watch and was satisfied with what he saw. It was later than he usually got in but Jack had told them all to take a late morning so he wasn't expecting anyone else on the team to be in yet. Hopefully, he'd have time to get some of the more mundane but still vital tasks out of the way before being disturbed.
As he stepped into the Hub, he noticed that the lights were fully on and the computers booted up. There was also a wonderfully sweet smell in the air. Someone, besides Jack, was definitely in. He walked up the steps and toward the coffee area and looked into Jack's office. There was Jack, and across from him was Toshiko. He looked at her work station and saw her coat hanging on the back of her chair. He probably could have guessed it would be Toshiko.
Out of the three she was the most likely to show up early for work, keen to get started on some new program or follow up on some alien tech. But Gwen was known to pop in at all hours needing to talk and connect with someone. It was something that Ianto found highly inconvenient when trying to plan rounds of naked hide and seek. How did you plan around someone who was as random as Gwen? And even Owen might make an early or late night appearance. Though Ianto suspected his had less to do with any desire for work or Jack's company and more to do with the fact that his night on the pull hadn't gone well.
He caught Jack's eyes through the open doorway and Jack gave him a huge grin and his traditional please make me coffee pose. Toshiko, who must have been confused as to why Jack was suddenly praying, followed Jack's line of sight and gave a small wave when she spotted Ianto.
Ianto gave a small smile and nod in return and headed to the coffeemaker, where he was going anyway, to make them all a cup.
He rounded the corner and entered the small kitchen area and froze. He knew he had smelled something sweet earlier but hadn't thought much of it. But now, the evidence was staring him in the face.
Freshly baked, delicious smelling cookies were sitting innocently on a nice decorative platter. But Ianto knew better. He didn't bring the cookies into the hub and there was no bakery bag still in sight. That meant only one thing. Jack had been playing with banned toys.
Ianto didn't remember the platter having flowers on it last time, but he wasn't fooled. Jack probably used the Stewart line of products to make breakfast every morning as a child. It wouldn't be a stretch for Jack to know how to change the cookie or platter type.
He inched toward the cookies and stared down at them as if they were some alien bomb about to explode. They really did look as wonderful as they smelled and Ianto had to admit to himself that he was tempted. But even though the others had shown no ill side effects after eating his batch of weevil-made cookies it still wasn't reassurance enough to eat one of these. And Jack might not have even used weevil.
With just the barest tips of his fingers and more gently than if it was unknown alien tech - in Ianto's mind it was unknown alien food substances so deserved the same care - he pushed the tray of cookies down the counter and out of the way of the coffee machine.
It was the work of a moment to get a new batch of his perfect coffee brewing. Soon, the smell filled the air and began to overpower the cookie scent and Ianto looked back at the offending objects.
Jack had to know that Ianto would catch on to him. So, why leave the cookies in plain sight, practically with a note that would read 'played with alien tech, enjoy the cookies' next to them? Maybe he thought the punishment would be less severe if he confessed to the sins right away? Maybe he wanted to give Ianto the chance to remind him to brush his teeth before kissing him? Because as Ianto looked at the tray he could clearly see traces of where more cookies used to be stacked on it. He really hoped Toshiko hadn't eaten any of Jack's alien made cookies. He still felt bad about lying the last time she had.
Maybe Jack was just getting forgetful in his old age and hadn't remembered that Ianto knew about the device and didn't trust it. That would explain why Jack thought it was okay to play with tech from the secure archives.
Though, there could possibly be a legitimate, or at least bearable, excuse for why Jack had to use the device to make cookies. As long as it wasn't an early morning cookie craving before the bakeries opened. Ianto might not have to kill him if it was that. Not that he ever would kill Jack, but it was often therapeutic to think about it. It's not as if it would stick. And he'd certainly had more messed up relationships then this anyway.
Still, Jack had had his fun. No need to let anyone else stumble onto the alien cookies. The thought of putting an end to Jack's twisted fun brought a smile to his face. Humming under his breath, he merrily scooped up the cookies and walked over to the bin.
“Whoops,” he said. And let the cookies slide off the tray and into the garbage with a satisfying thudding noise. He debated a minute over the platter. He couldn't see the harm in reusing it and it did have a nice design on it. He was sure that after a good scrubbing it would be usable without fear of alien contamination. He brought it over to the sink and set it to soak with a couple of dishes that were sitting on the counter.
Satisfied that the early morning alien threat was neutralized, Ianto finished preparing the coffees and used a non-alien tray to bring them up to Jack's office.
“Good morning,” He said in his usual polite tone as he walked into the office. Jack gave him a full grin while Toshiko thanked him gently as he handed over the cup.
Ianto gave a small smiled and nod of his head in recognition and then tried to catch Jack's eye and send him a message that he was onto him and his cookie making ways. Jack gave him a wink, clearly lacking a repentant bone in his body. Either that or he mistook Ianto's masterful glare as a leer.
“I should bring out the cookies I baked,” Toshiko said suddenly, startling Ianto from trying to improve his glare.
“What?”
“The cookies in the kitchen,” She paused and Ianto realised she was waiting for him to acknowledge it.
Only one thing to do. Lie. With the practice that came from working for Torchwood, sleeping with Jack and his somewhat dodgy past of hiding a cyberwoman in the basement he schooled his features to not give anything away. “Oh, right. I just didn't realise you could bake.” Did that sound horrible? Better to admit to a lack of knowledge regarding her culinary skills than admit he thought they were alien.
“I know I'm not really the baking type. But I had all of this extra energy and I thought it would be a good way to work it out. Jack said they were the best cookies he's had in months.” Toshiko beamed.
Ianto wanted to crawl into a sewer with a weevil. But somehow he continued to smile and nod. Honesty and pride was oozing from Toshiko so he couldn't even convince himself that Jack had made weevil cookies and forced Toshiko to lie for him. Jack had done that on several occasions to a varying degree of success. Those had been home baked cookies from Toshiko. Not the suspected and feared alien cookies.
“I'll just go get them for us,” Toshiko was setting her mug down on Jack's desk and Ianto knew he had to act fast.
He struck the pose that all troublemakers learnt to adopt when trying to act sincere and apologetic. Feet shuffling, head bowed, fingers fiddling with his coffee mug. “Actually Tosh, slight problem with that.” He looked over at her and offered a small smile. “I'm a bit of a klutz this morning. Knocked the whole tray over when going for the coffee pot.” He hoped they didn't point out that they hadn't heard any clattering. He could say that it had fallen onto a tea towel he had just dropped but that was stretching it. “I'd thought Jack had just gone to the bakery. I was about to go get some replacements.” He gave a hopeful look. This one he didn't have to fake. He was hoping with every inch that Toshiko was buying it.
He watched as her face fell but then she picked herself back up and gave a smile of her own. “Don't worry Ianto, we all have our clumsy mornings.” Toshiko was a lovely forgiving girl.
Ianto gave her a genuine smile. “I am sorry. I can go get some more cookies now. And we can still tell Owen and Gwen you made them.”
Toshiko laughed and shook her head. “If that's the case, I should go get them myself. I'll even grab my tray to put them on so they won't notice the bag.”
Jack chuckled at that and Ianto looked over at him. He wondered if Jack had fallen for it. They'd gotten to know each other so well lately that Ianto hadn't dared to look over at him while lying through his teeth.
But with Toshiko having believed him, Ianto felt like he could relax slightly and enjoy his coffee. Conversation, thankfully, moved onto different topics of course ending with a ludicrous story from Jack.
After they had finished their coffees, Ianto made his way over to fetch the tray. Giving it a proper wipe down before handing it back to Toshiko who was now by her work station. Jacket on and bag in hand.
“Here you go. Your secret's safe with me.” Ianto gave her a wink as she took the tray.
“Yours too, Ianto.” She gave them a wave and disappeared through the cogwheel.
As it rolled to a close behind her, Ianto felt Jack move in behind him.
“You thought I'd made weevil cookies,” Jack stated. Ianto hated that it wasn't even a question.
“I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Or was it hoix cookies? Dinosaur dropping cookies? UNIT paperwork cookies?” A smug Jack was often a sexy Jack. But Ianto found it was lacking something when it was being directed at him.
“Not at all. I just had a clumsy moment. A slight loss of dignity but no intentional harm done,” Ianto said still not turning around to face Jack. He did make a mental note to doctor the CCTV if it was needed.
Jack, not to be deterred, moved around Ianto instead. “Don't worry, Ianto. Your secret's safe with me.”
Ianto swore as Jack moved back up to his office, his laughter echoing through the hub.