Growing anger
You fucking call me at midnight and leave a messege crying sobbing almost to the point I can't understand you, saying "Call me please, I don't care what time it is, just please, please Greg, call me back when you get this, I don't care what time it is." Then you call Mike trying to find me, no doubt thinking I was out with him, HAVING FUN, wanting me to come home so you can cry to me about your needlessly dramatic problems that you yourself create, or at least make worse then they need be. Even so, I wouldn't care. I'd have fixed any problem you had if I could, because I used to think ou'd do the same for me. "I'm done! You choose him over me all the time and I'm done, don't bring me anymore of your Charlie problems cause I'm done!" A true friend, the kind I thought you were, the kind I was, wouldn't have care what the situation was. You chose Tim and Brad and Barrett and all of them over me plenty of times. Times you coulda been with me, yo were with them and I absolutely didn't care. I was happy you had a BF and slightly jealous cause I wanted one. (Before and After Charlie of course) But you left me, crying, broken and lost. You left me to my pain because I wasn't giving you enough attention. And when I called your bluff and you came running back, I let you back in. Then you do this, essentially choosing Tim over me by choice of actions, and then LIE to me about it. Don't you see?! You've done exactly what they wanted us to! Why would they tell me something like that unless they wanted me to tell you and you to tell him? I told you because it was what I thought was right and I couldn't live with (At least thinking I knew something.) knowing something that involved you so greatly and keeping it secret from you. I broke my word to rick for you becaus I loved you more, and you broke yours to me, because you love yourself. You've made your choice. Yet even now as I type in rage I want so badly to call you and help. Find out what's wrong and if it's a "serious" problem or just another of your drama attention things. And either way, help. But not anymore. I have let everyone make me so untrusting. I don't trust anyone anymore. ANYONE! If you and Charlie would lie to me, such big lies... How could I trust ANYONE to ever tell the truth to me about ANYTHING? It's a margin of possibility. If it could happen in my most sacred of relationships... and did, what are the statistics? Did Rick Lie? Did Tim? Did you? Did Mike? I don't know anything! I hate you and them and him and all of you for making it so hard when it need not be, I hate you all for using me to make yourselves feel better, I was always hear as a resourse to use and toss aside when you felt ok again. Charlie, needed me and was done, You want me to make you feel better but give NOTHING in return. I'm afraid to loose you. Am I acting to hastily? Am I betraying my loyalty to you? Do I care? Why do I feel like I'm betraying you even after all you've done to me? YOU JUST USE ME! And my Family! And my friends! IF you hated Charlie as much as you said and as much as you said I should and if he was so horrible a person as you said MANY times, why do you STILL to this DAY call him? And untill recently, hang out with him? Why do you fake nice? I know why. Because he's someone to listen, and you use him, like you use me. Someone to make you feel better. Like me.... Like I was.....NO MORE. No one is going to use me again! I will not make you feel better! I'm tired of making everyone else feel good! It's my fucking turn.... I'm going to feel good, one way or another. Whatever I have to do, in whatever way. Haven't cryed in the past days, only severly angry now. I hate you all, and I am different.... It;s scared at how angry I am.... but I'm not fighting it, where it leads is away from you and him, and all of them, and that can't be all bad. Forgive me Charlie, Forgive me Crystal... but this shame is no matter anymore. Loyalty be damned. I will not be guilted and chained... I;m sorry, but fuck you. And good night.