*Throws a book at Ike*
Initially I wasnt going to make this post
But I decided that that would defeat the purpose of this journal
There were plenty of time I went back
and glanced at some of my entries from a whole month ago and
and Said "Good God Im a moron"
But Im still glad I made them and Im still glad I posted them
Doing this journal is helping me in great deal
So even though I know I sound like a 13 year old emo
dressed in black crying over the my chipped nails
I need to do this
To grow emotionally
and to move forward
To bite the bullet and grow some balls
And once again I feel the need to reiterate
If you dont fucking like what I have to write Dont Look
So this Ridiculusly long post is what I wrote down
while being trapped in my house by Hurricane Gustave
So while waiting for the storm to hit Im feeding Nathan
and letting him watch "All Dogs Go to Heaven"
I forgot how collosal this movie is on certain scale
Giant themes of HEAVEN and HELL
"Its as Broken as the 10 Comandments" *snicker*
Because I was in the House I didnt have
internet on my laptop
So I did several things on my laptop that
Ive been meaning to do But always get distracted
by the shininess of the internet
Cleaned out my Music and Videos
Really sat down and Started playing with GIMP
Made a TON of Fun Wallpapers
Alot were Silent Hill Because being mentally Disturbed is Fun
Our House actually kept Power until around 2:30
It cut out right as we were watching
'No Country for Old Men'
If another person starts complaining to me that
its way to hot because its to hot
because its in the 70's Outside
Gets my foot up their ass
It got 80 and hovered there in the house for awhile
we finally had to start opening windows
during the storm just go get some air
Luckily The power came back on around 8
We were a part of the 10% of Southern LA that had power.
Thank Sweet Jesus Platypus!
Walked around a little outside when it was calm
Our roof shingles where everywhere
Several chunks of the fence was taken down around the house
Our Rose bushes that were on a Trellis in our drive way Snapped off at the base
There was a Rotting tree in the neighbors yard that we were
Worried about hitting my apartment But luckily it fell to the side
Our 2 beautiful Crete Mertals in the front yard fell over
my Parents are really hopful they can be replanted but
I have my doubts esspecially since it's going to
take a while till anyone can get out here
Later we learned that we have about 2 or 3 diffrent places
in the roof where its leaking... and My Dad found a place
where the roof was lifted up a bit you can see the fresh nails
So needless to say we now have a lovely big blue tarp over our roof
ALMOST had a knock out fight with my Dad over it too
He wanted to go up there himself and do it
But hes 57 and has necrosis in both legs
He stumbles around on flat surfaces much less a freaking Roof
Luckly one of his coworkers and his sons came over and got it up
Its bad enough having ADHD and being cooped
up in your house without going outside
entertainment or communication
I started to go stir crazy on my third night
in the house
I started getting anxious about school
I didnt have interent the phones were down
and the cell were all busy
So I had no way of checking
I started getting really sick
the kind of anxious that makes your stomach twist into knots
your hand shake and it feels like someone has taken the rug out from under your feet
and you feel lost and sick and alone
Mom watched nathan as I took a small walk
I wanted to walk around the neighborhood
but there was a curfew in effect
I Knew that they probably wouldnt be around my little neighborhood
but my mom was freaked out and it got to me
so I just kind paced in front of the house
for about 10 minutes, it helped a little bit until I walked back into the house
and it all came crashing back down on me
Mom did the dishes and watched nathan for me (with him directing of course)
While I tried to do Tai Chi but I was to distracted so I did something I
never though Id be able to do
I meditated
I know that sound weird but I can never get my mind and body
to work to gether, either I cant relax or I get my mind stop racing
But this time it just kind of worked
I did a little bit more Tai Chi trying to get my body to relax
then Curled up in a chair
slowly let go of everything in my head
Gently started pulling out threads of thought
Trying to figure out what was making me so nervous
It did Wonders, It was amazing
Then about 10 minutes into it my body got twitchy
But My stomach finally had settled and I had worked a few things out in my head
I realized that Within the few short weeks I had been doing lkj
I had become to rely on it as a sort of stress releife
as well as a way to put my thoughts together
Ive tried for years to keep a paper journal
it never did any good
I either lost them or never kept them up
It just never seemed importent or worth it
I love livejournal though
it helps me work out whats going through my head
and then when I think people are reading what
Im writeing Im propted more to keep up
if nothing else than to be an entertainment value
I love having thos little comments
They make me feel less like a freak of nature
thats why I think Lately Ive been making
more and more post trying to prompt people
to make comments on my lj
I live for them sadly
They validate what I have to say
and ya thats sad and Kinda patheatic
but its the way my mind is working right now
This is why I write about it
So I can work through it
Well despite all this self Revelation
at one am I finally paid my respects to the Porcelain god
youd thing Id have credit by now...
but alas its not to be so
Remember that time you were sick?
I dont mean you just tossed your cookies once while you were drunk
I mean that time you were really sick
Over a week you spent kneeling over the toilet
praying to god you could just keep those crackers down
imagine that for 3 months
Ya that was my fun filled trip with Pregnancy
That it for right now..... *goes to pass out*
But I decided that that would defeat the purpose of this journal
There were plenty of time I went back
and glanced at some of my entries from a whole month ago and
and Said "Good God Im a moron"
But Im still glad I made them and Im still glad I posted them
Doing this journal is helping me in great deal
So even though I know I sound like a 13 year old emo
dressed in black crying over the my chipped nails
I need to do this
To grow emotionally
and to move forward
To bite the bullet and grow some balls
And once again I feel the need to reiterate
If you dont fucking like what I have to write Dont Look
So this Ridiculusly long post is what I wrote down
while being trapped in my house by Hurricane Gustave
So while waiting for the storm to hit Im feeding Nathan
and letting him watch "All Dogs Go to Heaven"
I forgot how collosal this movie is on certain scale
Giant themes of HEAVEN and HELL
"Its as Broken as the 10 Comandments" *snicker*
Because I was in the House I didnt have
internet on my laptop
So I did several things on my laptop that
Ive been meaning to do But always get distracted
by the shininess of the internet
Cleaned out my Music and Videos
Really sat down and Started playing with GIMP
Made a TON of Fun Wallpapers
Alot were Silent Hill Because being mentally Disturbed is Fun
Our House actually kept Power until around 2:30
It cut out right as we were watching
'No Country for Old Men'
If another person starts complaining to me that
its way to hot because its to hot
because its in the 70's Outside
Gets my foot up their ass
It got 80 and hovered there in the house for awhile
we finally had to start opening windows
during the storm just go get some air
Luckily The power came back on around 8
We were a part of the 10% of Southern LA that had power.
Thank Sweet Jesus Platypus!
Walked around a little outside when it was calm
Our roof shingles where everywhere
Several chunks of the fence was taken down around the house
Our Rose bushes that were on a Trellis in our drive way Snapped off at the base
There was a Rotting tree in the neighbors yard that we were
Worried about hitting my apartment But luckily it fell to the side
Our 2 beautiful Crete Mertals in the front yard fell over
my Parents are really hopful they can be replanted but
I have my doubts esspecially since it's going to
take a while till anyone can get out here
Later we learned that we have about 2 or 3 diffrent places
in the roof where its leaking... and My Dad found a place
where the roof was lifted up a bit you can see the fresh nails
So needless to say we now have a lovely big blue tarp over our roof
ALMOST had a knock out fight with my Dad over it too
He wanted to go up there himself and do it
But hes 57 and has necrosis in both legs
He stumbles around on flat surfaces much less a freaking Roof
Luckly one of his coworkers and his sons came over and got it up
Its bad enough having ADHD and being cooped
up in your house without going outside
entertainment or communication
I started to go stir crazy on my third night
in the house
I started getting anxious about school
I didnt have interent the phones were down
and the cell were all busy
So I had no way of checking
I started getting really sick
the kind of anxious that makes your stomach twist into knots
your hand shake and it feels like someone has taken the rug out from under your feet
and you feel lost and sick and alone
Mom watched nathan as I took a small walk
I wanted to walk around the neighborhood
but there was a curfew in effect
I Knew that they probably wouldnt be around my little neighborhood
but my mom was freaked out and it got to me
so I just kind paced in front of the house
for about 10 minutes, it helped a little bit until I walked back into the house
and it all came crashing back down on me
Mom did the dishes and watched nathan for me (with him directing of course)
While I tried to do Tai Chi but I was to distracted so I did something I
never though Id be able to do
I meditated
I know that sound weird but I can never get my mind and body
to work to gether, either I cant relax or I get my mind stop racing
But this time it just kind of worked
I did a little bit more Tai Chi trying to get my body to relax
then Curled up in a chair
slowly let go of everything in my head
Gently started pulling out threads of thought
Trying to figure out what was making me so nervous
It did Wonders, It was amazing
Then about 10 minutes into it my body got twitchy
But My stomach finally had settled and I had worked a few things out in my head
I realized that Within the few short weeks I had been doing lkj
I had become to rely on it as a sort of stress releife
as well as a way to put my thoughts together
Ive tried for years to keep a paper journal
it never did any good
I either lost them or never kept them up
It just never seemed importent or worth it
I love livejournal though
it helps me work out whats going through my head
and then when I think people are reading what
Im writeing Im propted more to keep up
if nothing else than to be an entertainment value
I love having thos little comments
They make me feel less like a freak of nature
thats why I think Lately Ive been making
more and more post trying to prompt people
to make comments on my lj
I live for them sadly
They validate what I have to say
and ya thats sad and Kinda patheatic
but its the way my mind is working right now
This is why I write about it
So I can work through it
Well despite all this self Revelation
at one am I finally paid my respects to the Porcelain god
youd thing Id have credit by now...
but alas its not to be so
Remember that time you were sick?
I dont mean you just tossed your cookies once while you were drunk
I mean that time you were really sick
Over a week you spent kneeling over the toilet
praying to god you could just keep those crackers down
imagine that for 3 months
Ya that was my fun filled trip with Pregnancy
That it for right now..... *goes to pass out*