twat? i cunt hear you.
Hm last night I got into such a neurotic and restless mood. I ate dinner at my parents' house for my sister-in-law, Erika's, birthday. There were 3 of my nieces and 1 of my nephews there, all aged 2 or under. Normally I don't mind AT ALL when the kids get fussy and cry/scream. But this time however, I couldn't handle it and had to dismiss myself discretely from the table periodically. Even sitting at the table with my brothers and sisters was hard, seeing as usual we had 5 or 6 conversations going on at once. Dinner with my family has been that way my whole life, but last night my head just seemed to spin and my temper almost flared up a few times.
Following that, I went with Drew, his sister, and Will Clark to Rachael's house to watch a movie. In this situation I wasn't at all irritated with the company I was in, I only felt restless and slightly nauseous. I wanted to get up and leave so I could go rest, but I had ridden there with Drew. It was all good though, I settled down eventually and afterwards Drew, Anna, and I went to IHOP cuz we was starving.
My grades are surprrrrising this semester. I still don't know about philosophy, but so far I have a B in Spanish 302, an A in Anthropology 114, and an A in French. It's nice to be in a school everyone claims to have a solid reputation yet I hardly have to put forth any effort to come out with nearly straight A's. Meh, I'm not complaining. I pretty much have no intention of transferring at this point, but there's not really much rush I s'ppose. I could do it at the semester next year, or after the entire year next year. There's really no telling though, seeing as much of my decision is based on my overall emotional situation. And that's the kind of thing that can go through so much flux within a month even.
I've almost been realizing that even though I have spent so many years isolating myself from my family and sort of pushing them away, now that they're actually complying with these urges from me, I want them to come closer. It's as if I'm just selfish and only want my family around when I want them, not necessarily when they need it or are able to. I've been way too frank and short with my mother lately. She never has any but the best intentions and yet I have to snap and be rude. A lot of my anxiety and sadness is linked to pain I think I've caused her. I blame myself for having to come out to her, to tell her I didn't want to be Mormon. Those two things alone create such a rift between my family and I. It's all they really have to relate to each other and identify themselves and it makes me sad to realize because of that I don't really know them at all.
Following that, I went with Drew, his sister, and Will Clark to Rachael's house to watch a movie. In this situation I wasn't at all irritated with the company I was in, I only felt restless and slightly nauseous. I wanted to get up and leave so I could go rest, but I had ridden there with Drew. It was all good though, I settled down eventually and afterwards Drew, Anna, and I went to IHOP cuz we was starving.
My grades are surprrrrising this semester. I still don't know about philosophy, but so far I have a B in Spanish 302, an A in Anthropology 114, and an A in French. It's nice to be in a school everyone claims to have a solid reputation yet I hardly have to put forth any effort to come out with nearly straight A's. Meh, I'm not complaining. I pretty much have no intention of transferring at this point, but there's not really much rush I s'ppose. I could do it at the semester next year, or after the entire year next year. There's really no telling though, seeing as much of my decision is based on my overall emotional situation. And that's the kind of thing that can go through so much flux within a month even.
I've almost been realizing that even though I have spent so many years isolating myself from my family and sort of pushing them away, now that they're actually complying with these urges from me, I want them to come closer. It's as if I'm just selfish and only want my family around when I want them, not necessarily when they need it or are able to. I've been way too frank and short with my mother lately. She never has any but the best intentions and yet I have to snap and be rude. A lot of my anxiety and sadness is linked to pain I think I've caused her. I blame myself for having to come out to her, to tell her I didn't want to be Mormon. Those two things alone create such a rift between my family and I. It's all they really have to relate to each other and identify themselves and it makes me sad to realize because of that I don't really know them at all.