sleep

[sadstrawberry]

its late
or it will be
but i dont want to sleep
my dreams have gotten worse
their not nightmares but they are unpleasent
its got to do with dead, killing, mosters, darkness
its strange how i dont scare
guess i used that up as a kid
i had the worst nightmares as a kid
so bad that i learned to wake myself up
but these arent scary
their just depressingly strange
i dont like sleeping anymore
and thats a biggy for me
sleep use to be a refuge from what was going on in the day
now i have no brake from life
im stuck with the shit life throws me in both the waking and sleeping hours
i tried knock out pills
didnt work at all
its really weird when i take on the role of a video game character
except im outside myself trying to select a weapon while bad guys are killing me
then i replay bad parts over and over
like maybe they'll change the third time round
running
ive been doing a lot of running
i want my weird dreams back
those at least were fun