(no subject)

[sadstrawberry]

Nana died today,
It's strange, because i keep thinking that I'll see her
its like i cant grasp the fact that shes not here anymore
no holidays at her house
no visiting
no family gatherings there
its too much for me to wrap my head around
i havent cried yet
theres like a blockage inside me that i cant move
this is bad
bottle emmotions do not come out well
i cant spend another year like last year
i dont think i will but i wish i could cry
its strange
it feels like because I can cry some how my love for nana is lessened
i know its not, but i feel so cold not grieving
theres a knot in my stomach
the funerals thursday
i want to say something, but i cant think of what i would say
daddy cried,
its so strange because i've never seen him cry before
i feel icy
i dont like this feeling
i want it to go away