(no subject)
Well. I went to school today. I had allot of homework.. that I decided not to do. get this. For ecology, I must write a letter to the president about ecological concerns that I could care less about. What Kind of homework is that? "Oh buy, i cnanot wait to go home and do my ecology homework." I am not saying I act like that usually, when it comes to homework, but do you understand what I mean? I don't give a shit... I don't even know what to say in this goddamn letter. Fuck that shit mothafucka. Nothing really out of the ordinary happened. I came back to my sences and took my medication for the first time in like... a month? I took it because my allergies came back and were bothering the fuck out of me and my meds help to supress them. I guess that is a good thing. well, of course it is.. but I mean it makes me want to take my meds. I don't know what iw as thinking anyway, trying to go without them. I suppose I am lucky nothing too serious happened.
I hate valentines day. i believe that is coming up. I can't stop thinking about someone I will probably never have. She lives quite the distance. I am trying so hard to become unattracted to chicks, i can't do it. I don't want to deal with them or feel anything for them. It is too painful. I am in such a mess right now. I really wish, right now, that I was as alone as I feel. I know emotionally I am alone. "no one understands" , "no one really cares", and "did I just eat all those doritos" type of junk. But physically, I have people around me. I have a great friend, christ, I have other close friends as well, like wayde and kayberry, and as distant as they are, my parents. But sometimes it seems like it would be easier to not have anyone. I would just wake up, go to school, come home, and sleep. Simple as that. I wouldnt have to deal with too many emotions. The hurt, the sadness, the fear that one day, the person will be gone.
I havn't written anything for soo long. I really don't know what to do about this person. I would mention names, but i am scared that they may read this. The stars only know who reads this thing now. But the good thing is, the people that know me best and the people I dont mind knowing the names... probably can guess who the person is. i know Kayberry knows. I also stillw ant to marry Amy Lee. Horribly. Like... I listen to her voice and (this gets sad) imagine that she is singing to me... isn't that so fucked up? Also, some of the songs aren't really songs you want a crush to be singing to you. her voice is just so... beautiful.
I made HxC Bill and Christ in GTA. I also made myself. So now i can play my favorite video game as people I know. Plus, christ never has driven a hearse in real life before and now he can in a video game. I applied for McDonalds. How funn will that be. At least it is a job though, I won't complain. Well i am going to go play GTA. byes
I hate valentines day. i believe that is coming up. I can't stop thinking about someone I will probably never have. She lives quite the distance. I am trying so hard to become unattracted to chicks, i can't do it. I don't want to deal with them or feel anything for them. It is too painful. I am in such a mess right now. I really wish, right now, that I was as alone as I feel. I know emotionally I am alone. "no one understands" , "no one really cares", and "did I just eat all those doritos" type of junk. But physically, I have people around me. I have a great friend, christ, I have other close friends as well, like wayde and kayberry, and as distant as they are, my parents. But sometimes it seems like it would be easier to not have anyone. I would just wake up, go to school, come home, and sleep. Simple as that. I wouldnt have to deal with too many emotions. The hurt, the sadness, the fear that one day, the person will be gone.
I havn't written anything for soo long. I really don't know what to do about this person. I would mention names, but i am scared that they may read this. The stars only know who reads this thing now. But the good thing is, the people that know me best and the people I dont mind knowing the names... probably can guess who the person is. i know Kayberry knows. I also stillw ant to marry Amy Lee. Horribly. Like... I listen to her voice and (this gets sad) imagine that she is singing to me... isn't that so fucked up? Also, some of the songs aren't really songs you want a crush to be singing to you. her voice is just so... beautiful.
I made HxC Bill and Christ in GTA. I also made myself. So now i can play my favorite video game as people I know. Plus, christ never has driven a hearse in real life before and now he can in a video game. I applied for McDonalds. How funn will that be. At least it is a job though, I won't complain. Well i am going to go play GTA. byes