...i can't even
i hung out with Rachael tonight and i can't say it wasn't awkward, but it was fun. We watched the terrible No Greater Love and then we watched the wonderful Trainspotting 2. She makes me feel so utterly vulnerable. i have no confidence when i am with her. She is so above me. She is mature and, yet, childlike. She doesn't care about how she looks. No makeup and wearing mom shorts. She says what she wants. The ball is completely in her court. i have no idea what she is thinking or how she feels; whether she "like" likes me or whether this is a platonic fascination. She is stability. i mean Shannon was immature. i think. i don't remember. Rachael is unattractive and yet i am oddly attracted to her. She isn't young... but neither am i and this is the life i need to realize. This is my life now. Girls my age are going to be less and less attractive. i guess what i am trying to say is that Rachael is someone i could fall in like with. But i have no confidence that she can fall in like with me. For the first time i was embarrassed by my room; my stuffed animals. The only thing i really wish she would have noticed, she did not notice at all; my art. Which is where my doubts come from. i feel like if she did "like" like me, then she would be curious about my life. i think she is too cool for me. i am forgetting that sometimes people are just looking for friendship. Why must i automatically assume she "like" likes me.
you see; i wish i didn;t have to deal with this. i wish i were dead.
you see; i wish i didn;t have to deal with this. i wish i were dead.