...slow demise
My day is hard to put together and write about. I slept at random intervals of the day and did other spontaneous stuff too. Wayde never came over. I called to see where what was going on... but he wasn't home. I ended up ironing the shirts myself. That was the first part of my day after I awoke the first time.... at 10:00a or so. After I ironed the shirts and ripped the Drainpipe VHS I went back to bed. Mother, Sister, and Friend of Sister came over and woke me up at 4:30p or so. Mother wanted to give me field trip money so now I can go. I decided to go with them to McDonalds since I had nothing better to do. I came back home and went to bed for the third time... or was it the fourth? I didn't sleep long. I decided I would give the MP3's one more try at being good quality. I still can't get them good. When I do think it is fairly decent, the song changes and it sounds like shit. So I just kept the quality like it is. I haven’t burned them to a CD yet because my computer has been suicidal and keeps fucking up. I thinks it is funny to randomly delete the key things I need to do this. I hope I can break the twenty dollar bill that Mother gave me. The field trip is 15$... shit... I hope it isn't checks only. it would help if I could find the permission slip.
I wish their was a better way to record or songs. The quality rips ass. But I guess it is better than nothing. Maybe by selling shirts, we can rent a recording studio. Maybe Kev will split the cost with us if he can use it too. Hmmm. I worked a little bit on a new 56k friendly drainpipe site. I think it would be funny to make it into a fan site. When we get famous, we should wear masks and say we are a drainpipe cover band that wears masks and cover our own songs. Shelton and I discussed starting an EMO band in which I will play bass. We want to be hardcore emo... like mineral. Well... not literally "hardcore" but you know what I mean. Drainpipe is such a big part of my life. I really really have good feelings about us. If one can just hear through the shitty quality of our CD's... Right now I am re-recording "30 days of bleeding" because my computer decided it best to totally erase it from my hard drive. It randomly freezes now and lets out this long, loud, obnoxious double bass drum like synthetic sound. I wish I could go online. Then I could just send the goddamn ripped songs to Shelton, Wayde, or maybe even glen.
I guess Seed had to work longer today. Well, we are supposed to hang out tomorrow... Soo... Okay, I haven't ranted about this for a long time so I am just going to spill my guts now... I MISS MY CAR! I am sorry, I just needed to let that out. I wish it were a bit more easy to get a job. I will call Old Navy tomorrow I suppose. I actually applied to commy market. I know they won't hire me... the only reason I wanted to work there is because Shelton does and it is better than nothing. But I can always go there and push carts randomly when I want. This whole car thing though, it just seems to be the basis of almost all my present problems. I can't go out and shit, meet new people that are worth befriending or dating, seeing friends that I care about, being there for the ones I care about, getting to school, getting to a job that is away from here, and just being independent. I don't have a job NOR do I have a car. That is sad.
Today was my first day on my new medication upgrade. I just kind of felt.... neutral all day. Not really depressed nor happy. Just steady. Fuck, I forgot to read more of that BNW book. Mother and I drove by Kayci today on the way home from McDonalds. That is someone I miss as a friend. We used to be so close, or at least I thought. I think I distanced myself more than I intended. Or maybe I did intend to distance myself this much, but now I regret it. I am just tired of caring for someone only for them to not care that you care. Selfish. Its like going up to your Mother and sticking a fucking heroin needle in your arm. I am not trying to base this on drugs.... I am just trying to get people to understand how much it hurts to care for someone and have them just ignore it or not care for themselves or something. I give advise, and it isn't taken. How can you care for a constant alcoholic or a druggie or someone who is suicidal... Again, I am not saying these scenarios are true, I am just trying to paint a picture. I want to be there for someone, but not if they are going to keep pulling shit.
That CD burned. I am listening to it now. We want to call our first big CD "They can dot the I's themselves" Or something like that. Shelton was cutting letters and having trouble with the dots or X's for the eyes so he said "Screw it, they can dot the fucking I's themselves" It was rather humorous. Frankly, Myself and others have noticed a positive change in Shelton. I am happy for him. He talks more and participates more and cracks more jokes more. maybe he is maturing or something. Depression sucks. Some people are able to slowly grow out of it. Well, the currently Untitled song didn’t come out TOO bad... I don’t know what happened to 30 Days of Bleeding. I must have recorded it differently. Whatever. I am going to burn a second one for Kev. I wonder if Glen ever ripped the Cassette tape and if he did, I wonder how good it came out. Because this shit...ugh. I don’t know. I just feel so much better than what people hear on the CD. It sounds like shit. I don't know of any better way to record. maybe... straight to the computer? I will bring my computer to practice next time.
Some things I noticed with the recording that we should change:
1. The bass needs to be turned up allot more. It can be heard when it is alone or with subtle guitar... but is lost when drums kick in and it gets heavy.
2. Same with the guitar. The drums drown it out a bit. It needs to be turned up a smidgen.
3. My vocals need to be turned down.
It is sad when you tell yourself "I will di it later, I am getting into this solitaire game".