My Letter to You
Title: My Letter to You
Author: sadnlonleyme
Pairing/Group: Uchi
Authors note: Honestly, even til this day, this boy is still apologizing for a mistake that he made in the past. :( It makes me sad because I don't think he should have to say sorry anymore. People make mistakes.
Summary: Based off of this
Backstage, Uchi sat in the corner by himself, holding the letter a fan had written him. Usually he would be around, joking with the other guys but tonight was going to be the night. Ever since he's been back, he had gotten all sorts of letters. Some blaming him for ruining NEWS, telling him he should go away forever. Others asking him to come back, he belonged with the group. That was the same for Kanjani8 fans too. In each letter, there was either love or hate for him. And it was hard, he knew he made a mistake in the past but it seemed like no one was going to ever let it go. No matter how many times he apologized, it was never going to make up for it. It felt like it was going to follow him forever.
Each time he read those letters, his heart clenched tightly. A lot of his fans watched him grow up, from his junior days, to Kanjani8, then to NEWS, back to trainee and finally where he was now. They were there for it all. He owed it to them, to no longer mislead them with false hope. It was already decided that he wasn't going back to either groups. And though he would love to, he felt like he didn't deserve it either. Too much time have passed and the groups have grown so much. It wouldn't be fair if he could just walk back in like nothing happened. Ther-
"Hiroki! Hurry up, you're next!"
Startled, Uchi immediately jumped to his feet, stuffing the letter back into his pocket. It was now or never. With each step toward the stage, his foot got heavier and heavier. His doubt grew, would his fans still love him? Would they understand where he was coming from? And before he knew it, he was on stage, a mic in his hand and his mind blank, no longer knowing what he should say, to do. Licking his lips, he stared at the audience. They'll understand one day because they were his fans. Some might be Kanjani8 or NEWS fans, but they were his fans too.
Taking a deep breath, his hold on the mic tightened as he smiled at everyone.
"In the past, I was in Kanjani8 and I was also in NEWS. I debuted as NEWS, and then debuted as Eito... Looking back on it now, I was so dumb. Everything just went so smoothly. I was so stupid."
He was on top of the world, it was tiring up who else could say they were in two groups besides him and Ryo? No one. He was lucky and then he had to go and ruin it. Sure he wasn't the only one drinking but that doesn't excuse him from doing it. He should've known better but back then, it felt like he was untouchable. He was a Johnnys.
"When I was with other members, we had fun together. We even went out to eat together outside of work, and we also had fun during work... That's how the days passed.... Thinking back on it now, I had no aspirations about work. I thought that I only needed to do the work that was handed to me. It was a stupid way of thinking and I ended up doing something stupid. I caused trouble to so many people. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for that."
No matter how many time he apologized to everyone, it never felt like it was enough. Those days were so long and hard. For the longest, he just stayed at home. He had no aspiration to do anything. It was then did he realize how much he wanted to be an actor, to sing and dance. Before, it was just something he did because his mom told him to and he started to like it. It was just all fun to him. It wasn't until he couldn't do any of those things anymore, did he finally realize just how much he loved it.
It was hard for him to finally come to terms with himself, to leave the house and see people again. Even though everyone was being so supportive, he felt like he didn't deserve it. He tried to dabble with new things, new hobbies and job. But ultimately, all he wanted to do was be on the stage again. Being a trainee was hard, the stares and the quiet whispers didn't go unnoticed. And ultimately, he had no one to blame but himself. So with his head held high, he worked even harder to prove himself.
"Singing in a band and being the vocal is so much fun. The music I play with these guys (Question) is so fun and I am very happy. I wish to continue with these guys from now on.
Of course, the music I'm doing now may be different from when I was in Kanjani8 and NEWS, but please give me your support, although there may be people who don't want to accept it."
Even after the annoucement, the letters kept coming, asking him to go back to the groups or telling him to stay out of it. He couldn't just be Uchi Hiroki. To so many people, he'll forever be classified as the ex-member of Kanjani8 and NEWS, the one that got kicked out. His heart ached everytime he read those letters. Both groups were doing great without him, and it's not like he didn't want to go back either but it was a lot more complicated then that.
"There are times when I still receive fan letters asking me to return to Kanjani8. However, I don't want to look back. If I keep looking back, I will never be able to move forward. To those who don't understand, I have just one wish. Please understand a little at a time. A little at a time is fine. For everyone's sake, for Johnny-san's sake, I will do my best."
Uchi wiped away a few of the tears as he looked back at the crowd. It was like a heavy rock was lifted from him. All the words he's been wanting to say to them, were finally out. They now know how he felt. The Uchi standing before them wasn't the same as before. Even though there was still so much for him to learn, he was taking it one step at a time. The world continued on, even when he felt like it was over in his young mind. One day, he hoped those who lost faith in him, will accept him as who he is now and who he'll become in the future. Kanjani8 and NEWS better be ready, him and Questions? are going to catch up to them one day.