Beautiful Day, and my altar
Yesterday was a beautiful day, both in the natural, weather sense and in the activity that I took part in. My Church held a psychic healing and reading day and I decided to go up there to help out in the kitchen making sandwiches for the readers and healers working there and just to be there with my friends.
As I walked into the little building. (it's held in the local Country Women's Association Hall) I was struck by the beautiful energy that filled the room. Back in my Evangelical Christian days, this energy would be referred to has "Holy Spirit" I think that it is a sacred energy for certain, and have no problem at all with calling it Holy Spirit. My fellow church members refer to this energy as "Spirit" or just "Light energy" and I am happy for it to be called those names as well.
I stood just inside the door for a little while, soaking up the energy, and chatting with M who sat by the door selling raffle tickets for a beautiful clock carved from redwood in the shape of a map of mainland Australia and with small paintings on it in a style like Aboriginal artwork. It was lovely, but sadly, I didn't win it.
There were candles burning on the table and some incense had been lit and it helped to create an atmosphere of healing and light. i was quite happy standing there, just bathing in the presence, but Rev. P saw me there and drew me further into the room and settled me on a chair where I could see more of what was going on and continue to soak up the energy. It was healing and relaxing and I was loving it. I had arrived just past lunch time and L decided after a while that it was time to make some sandwiches, so I went out to the kitchen with her and we started making ham, tomato, cheese and cucumber sandwiches for the hardworking readers and healers. There was a choice between multigrain or white bread and the sandwiches looked and smelled really good! I ended up making myself one too after everyone else had eaten their fill.
For dessert we had watermelon and that was delicious too.
Rev. P kept asking me if I wanted to have a reading, and she told me that because I had worked and helped out, I could have them for free. It's not that I am leery of such thngs--far from it. I just couldn't decide which of the readers present I had a connection with. I told her I would just think about it and she was satisfied with that answer. She went off to chat with some of the other readers, and I took a break, chatting with a group of my friends from church about this and that.
It was not until very late in the day almost time to go home, that I decided which of the readers to sit with.
I got some very positive messages about the memoir I am writing and I feel that this was a confirmation that I am on the right path and that the book is the right thing to do.
A part of the reading said that I need to take more time out for me, and try to reflect and meditate more as this might help me to relax and not get as snippy as I can tend to do (this was said without the reader having any foreknowledge of that!). She said to try taking a relaxing bath, or "I keep getting the word 'bathe'," she murmured. "I just don't know what that means. I don't think it is about personal hygiene so much, though." She chuckled.
I had a feeling that I knew what she meant. When I was going to the evangelical/pentecostal church I used to say that I would "Bathe" in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Meaning that when I had my quiet times I would really seek that light energy and immerse myself in it. So I think that the message was that I need to do more of that. I thought about my singing bowl, so lovingly given to me by Rob last year and sadly buried in the bottom of a cabinet these past few months, untouched, unsounded, silent.
I resolved that when I got home, I would set up an altar with candles and my singing bowl and try to reestablish my practice of "bathing" in the presence of the light. (The end result is pictured above)
I know that some people reading this know me from my evangelical days, and that my language here might seem strange to you. I'm sorry for the culture shock, but I just don't feel I can connect to those old ways any more. I've been too rejected, too hurt--not by God, whom I have never left, but by people who don't truly understand God's unfailing love, or how to show it to others.
I've learned a new way of relating to God and that includes a new way of speaking about God. Please understand that I have not turned away from HIM, but I have turned away from the disconnectedness I felt in that old path and embraced a new and reconnected path.
I feel happy here, though there are some days I wish for a return to the old ways--I think we all tend to do that, though, don't we? We want the familiar, the old resting places, the comfort zone. Sometimes though, I think that getting out of the comfort zone is exactly what God wants for us, even if the people are different, the language is strange, and the landscape looks weird to our eyes grown accustomed to the hills and plains of the old homeland.
Pilgrimage, is not about resting in one place, it is about moving on and stepping forward, trusting the light to light the path and the voice of God to guide me in it.
I set up my altar last night with my singing bowl, candles and a little glass plaque bearing a copy of the prayer of St Francis of Assisi. It's a little chipped and worn (a bit like me) but it is still readable.
Once it was all set up, I sounded the bowl, three crystal clear, golden notes and one sustained vibration, lit a candle, recited the prayer of St Francis and settled down at my computer to listen to music and write.
Well, I didn't get any writing done at all, but the music was soothing, and I had a nice long chat with an online friend. I think I need to be more perstistent in 'bathing' in the presence and turn off the computer.
Baby steps, as long as they're forward steps are good!