Fell into a Burning Ring of Fire
My days are waning. I feel so in between two worlds; when I look backwards, and when I look forward both are unfocused and blurry. All I can seem to do is stare at my feet and hope that the wind carries me to me destination. There are so many things that I took for granted; the comfort of home, the handful of friends, the same roads I've been traveling my whole life, I know them now without the effort of thought. And that's when I see the difficulty of the life ahead. New roads. I'm scared of getting lost and not having anyone to lean on. I'm scared of failing, when I know it is by no means but my own now.
I tried to scare you away at the very beginning, I told you bluntly that I would hurt you, and you didn't believe me. What you don't understand was that even after that, I tried to hurt you, to make you leave; the shorter the stay, the easier to forget. And when I say these things I mean them for you, trying to save you some pain, but when I think about the results, I really mean them for me, because I knew it would hurt me more.
I don't think you quite realize what kind of person I am. I was so willing to love and be loved, I was ready to settle down at the age of 17. But as easy as it seems to fall in love with me, no one ever stays that way. Every time I believe I've been in love, that it's the last time, I lose what I have and a part of myself. And so far I haven't been able to figure out if it's something I've done, or the other way around. So I've tried to distance myself from those that I love, trying to save myself that pain. I no longer know how to give ALL of my love to one person, nor do I know how to take it without feeling like I don't deserve it. And in that way I've stayed lonely and unstable, but safe. Yet everytime it seems I've got a good hold on the situation, when I know who I am and where I'm going, someone comes along and shows me how lonely I am. They love me, they are awed by me, and they promise me a future, the one I've always wanted. So there I go throwing my pieces to the crows again and waiting for this other person to put me together, I give and I sacrifice, and I hurt, and most of the time, I'm happy, but then they all realize there's something wrong with me; that I'm different. I listen, I care, I give, I love truly, and I strive to always be better. I am what everyone wants to be when they're happy and stable, the ultimate good Samaritan, but no one ever is because they know it'll kill them in the end. As soon as things get rough for them, they focus on themselves once more. But I don't.
It seems everyone that meets me falls in love with me, somehow or another, however brief or lasting. But it's only an image of me, very few ever know me. But those few, the ones I thought I had a future with, the one I wanted, those people know me, and somehow that causes it to never last. So there I am stable, lonely, and safe, and there comes those individuals who think they can save me, they offer me what I want most, and I give in, then they take it away. And I'm back to square one.
I tried to scare you away at the very beginning, I told you bluntly that I would hurt you, and you didn't believe me. What you don't understand was that even after that, I tried to hurt you, to make you leave; the shorter the stay, the easier to forget. And when I say these things I mean them for you, trying to save you some pain, but when I think about the results, I really mean them for me, because I knew it would hurt me more.
I don't think you quite realize what kind of person I am. I was so willing to love and be loved, I was ready to settle down at the age of 17. But as easy as it seems to fall in love with me, no one ever stays that way. Every time I believe I've been in love, that it's the last time, I lose what I have and a part of myself. And so far I haven't been able to figure out if it's something I've done, or the other way around. So I've tried to distance myself from those that I love, trying to save myself that pain. I no longer know how to give ALL of my love to one person, nor do I know how to take it without feeling like I don't deserve it. And in that way I've stayed lonely and unstable, but safe. Yet everytime it seems I've got a good hold on the situation, when I know who I am and where I'm going, someone comes along and shows me how lonely I am. They love me, they are awed by me, and they promise me a future, the one I've always wanted. So there I go throwing my pieces to the crows again and waiting for this other person to put me together, I give and I sacrifice, and I hurt, and most of the time, I'm happy, but then they all realize there's something wrong with me; that I'm different. I listen, I care, I give, I love truly, and I strive to always be better. I am what everyone wants to be when they're happy and stable, the ultimate good Samaritan, but no one ever is because they know it'll kill them in the end. As soon as things get rough for them, they focus on themselves once more. But I don't.
It seems everyone that meets me falls in love with me, somehow or another, however brief or lasting. But it's only an image of me, very few ever know me. But those few, the ones I thought I had a future with, the one I wanted, those people know me, and somehow that causes it to never last. So there I am stable, lonely, and safe, and there comes those individuals who think they can save me, they offer me what I want most, and I give in, then they take it away. And I'm back to square one.