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So, last night was the pilot for my upcoming con lecture. You may remember I was very apprehensive about this.
Guys, last night I lived out some kind of fantasy. It was just some kind of unreal experience that was literally like having a ridiculous dream come true. I don't even know what to do with myself. How was last night even real.
So, I'm not super connected to the Israeli SFF community, the short answer as to why, if we distill all the superficial reasons down to their core: I'm an immigrant. Partially it's that I felt rejected by mainstream culture since I was a kid, and I steered clear (and was not really welcome anyway) in non-Russian speaking spaces, certainly when it came to my leisure time. Partially it's that I simply didn't have the resources, living in a small neighborhood of a poor city, to know about these kinds of events, of the local SFF community, or feel like I belonged at them for most of my life.
(There are lots of Russian speakers in the SFF community in Israel! There are all kinds of stories and experiences people have. In my environment growing up, we mostly had our own spaces, because we didn't feel like we belonged in the "general" ones.)
Anyway, I started going to cons after the military, when I was in my twenties (the above is why I usually dislike people who brag about having gone to cons since they were kids, btw). I've always considered doing a lecture at a con, but it seemed like a lot of work and hassle, I didn't know anyone in the community, and I just didn't bother.
Now that I have a ~writing career~ and I realized I'd like to do cons abroad if I can, it made sense to do cons locally as well, even though I really didn't know what to expect.
So like, you know, in my wildest fantasies (the "practicing your Oscar acceptance speech in front of the mirror" level of seriousness) I "introduce" myself to the local SFF community via this one lecture and everyone falls all over themselves about how brilliant I am, and how I am this brilliant voice who's just sprung up out of nowhere and they're like OMG YOU ARE SO COOL WE ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU BEFORE??? And like, local BNFs recommend my lectures at the expense of their own events, local con "veterans", guys who've been organizing cons for a decade, tell me I've truly enriched their lives, that sort of thing.
You know, completely ridiculous, indulgent fantasies, the sort of thing you tell yourself to psych yourself up and imagine that you are cool and smart and powerful, to give yourself the confidence to get through whatever you need to get through, say an extremely stressful lecture?
Yes. Well. All of those things happened last night.
ALL. OF THOSE. THINGS.
Guys I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I just. I JUST. WHAT. I didn't know what to say, or how to emerge from this haze of amazingness, or how to even respond. And just. WHAT. WHAAAT. HOW.
OK, ok. Let's start at the beginning.
My pilot (for a lecture called "Women Write About War") was to take place at the house of a local Important Person in the SFF community - someone who's a published writer, playwright and screenwriter, who's very involved with local cons and is popular in the community.
It was moved there from a different, original location, because the spouse of my original host was in the middle of reading one of the books I was going to talk about and didn't want spoilers. So, it was a last minute change out of necessity.
I decided to arrive at the place a few minutes early, mostly worried that:
- I didn't talk to anyone in advance, and it was just this woman's living room, and I couldn't bring a laptop with me, so I basically wouldn't have my powerpoint presentation. which is not the end of the world, but I thought maybe if I arrived early I could beg the host to let me borrow something of hers (like a laptop) to make it work somehow.
- I didn't bring any snacks or anything like that, and again wanted to get there early and maybe help arrange chairs or clear the living room or just get to know the space before people arrived.
To my great shock and delight, all of that was already taken care of. There was a laptop hooked up to the TV, just waiting for me to upload my presentation onto it. The host bought snacks (!!!) and made everyone coffee/tea, etc.
It made me feel a lot more at ease and a lot less nervous. I mentioned that it was my first time doing a con lecture + doing a pilot, and the host was like "don't worry, we won't be 100% negative, there's always positive things to say, and we're here to help you anyway, so there's nothing to worry about."
The listeners at my pilot were actually pretty diverse, age-wise, at least, which was pretty cool and really interesting to observe how people of similar age groups had similar feedback.
There were three women and two men. Of the women, there was a mother and her daughter (the daughter looked like she was still in highschool, but my lecture is very clearly listed as "for people 15 years or older" and I didn't want to be rude by asking her age), and there was my host, the BNF. Of the men, there was the dude who did the "How To Structure A Lecture Correctly" presentation, who was roughly the same age as me and BNF, and another dude who was closer to being a teenager.
I wondered beforehand what my fuckup during the pilot would be - would I forget an entire section? Would I mix up slides? Would I completely forget what to say and read the last section from a printed page (this is not technically considered a fuck up, but I didn't want to do it all the same)?
Well, it turned out it would be speed. Of course.
So, even though I try to speak in slo mo when I'm lecturing, and through 3 practice runs this lecture took me 50 minutes to get through, at the pilot I was done in 25 minutes. To my credit, everyone said that they'd never seen anyone who talked so quickly be so clear and so easy to understand, and they did feel that even though it was SUPER FAST they were still able to follow me easily and get all the information, but... it was still SUPER FAST. And obviously I need to slow down.
I was also told - and I agree - that the beginning and ending need expansion, and the thesis of my lecture needs to be made clearer to the audience.
However, even with those criticisms, the bulk of the feedback was just... hooooooooooooooly shit.
Everyone said my lecture was amazing. That it was enriching and fascinating, that they learned so much. That even the books they knew and loved - I made them think about them in a whole new way. That I was clearly, CLEARLY a veteran public speaker and lecturer, even if I was a newbie to cons, because my public speaking skills, my structuring of the presentation, my interaction with the crowd, was 100% professional level performance.
(I actually thought I misheard when the second person to speak said (repeating what the first feedback giver said, which you're not supposed to do) that I looked like a complete professional at giving lectures, and when I asked "sorry, what was that?" the entire room repeated back at me - "you're a complete pro at this".)
Like at some point one person asked the next "wait, is this really her first lecture?" and the other person replied "no no, first at a CON, she's definitely done lectures before" without even asking me! LOLOL
The women in the room all told me that they are now hands down fans of ME, the person I am, the brain I have, after this lecture. "I want to hear every single lecture you ever do" was echoed several times. "I've basically subscribed to everything you are", said the writer/playwright.
People said I made them want to read every single book I talked about, even though my lecture was full of spoilers.
Another thing everyone echoed: "how come at the end of your lecture you don't tell people where they can find you? Where's your website, your blog, your facebook, or whatever it is? WHERE DO I GET MORE OF YOU?"
(In case you think this is standard advice - this was definitely not something people said to the guy whose pilot I attended, and I've rarely seen people do it at the lectures I've attended at local cons.)
The writer/playwright in particular was like - WHERE DO I GET MORE OF YOUR WRITING?? WHERE???
People thanked me for the lecture right after it was over, they thanked, almost every one of them, during their individual feedback speeches, they came up to me BEFORE THEY LEFT to yet again say "thank you so much for this. It was such a great lecture and such a great night. It was truly amazing."
The younger girl (who was a teenager, I'm pretty sure), said she was now going to recommend this lecture to all her friends. The writer/playwright said the same, and then, AND THEN.
After I left, later that night, the writer/playwright apparently posted on facebook URGING PEOPLE TO BUY TICKETS TO MY LECTURE, even though MY LECTURE CONFLICTS WITH AN EVENT SHE'S DOING. She was like "it's hard for me to rec something that competes with a cool thing I'm doing, but you have to go listen to this lecture guys, it's amazing" with a link.
I JUST. HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL.
I know I need to reach out to her, friend her on FB, something, but I just. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO. This is NOT HOW I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD GO.
I mean, I guess I hope my lecture proposals for Nine Worlds will be accepted? Like. I have more confidence now that people will enjoy themselves, I guess.
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Guys, last night I lived out some kind of fantasy. It was just some kind of unreal experience that was literally like having a ridiculous dream come true. I don't even know what to do with myself. How was last night even real.
So, I'm not super connected to the Israeli SFF community, the short answer as to why, if we distill all the superficial reasons down to their core: I'm an immigrant. Partially it's that I felt rejected by mainstream culture since I was a kid, and I steered clear (and was not really welcome anyway) in non-Russian speaking spaces, certainly when it came to my leisure time. Partially it's that I simply didn't have the resources, living in a small neighborhood of a poor city, to know about these kinds of events, of the local SFF community, or feel like I belonged at them for most of my life.
(There are lots of Russian speakers in the SFF community in Israel! There are all kinds of stories and experiences people have. In my environment growing up, we mostly had our own spaces, because we didn't feel like we belonged in the "general" ones.)
Anyway, I started going to cons after the military, when I was in my twenties (the above is why I usually dislike people who brag about having gone to cons since they were kids, btw). I've always considered doing a lecture at a con, but it seemed like a lot of work and hassle, I didn't know anyone in the community, and I just didn't bother.
Now that I have a ~writing career~ and I realized I'd like to do cons abroad if I can, it made sense to do cons locally as well, even though I really didn't know what to expect.
So like, you know, in my wildest fantasies (the "practicing your Oscar acceptance speech in front of the mirror" level of seriousness) I "introduce" myself to the local SFF community via this one lecture and everyone falls all over themselves about how brilliant I am, and how I am this brilliant voice who's just sprung up out of nowhere and they're like OMG YOU ARE SO COOL WE ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, WHERE DID YOU EVEN COME FROM HOW DID WE NOT KNOW ABOUT YOU BEFORE??? And like, local BNFs recommend my lectures at the expense of their own events, local con "veterans", guys who've been organizing cons for a decade, tell me I've truly enriched their lives, that sort of thing.
You know, completely ridiculous, indulgent fantasies, the sort of thing you tell yourself to psych yourself up and imagine that you are cool and smart and powerful, to give yourself the confidence to get through whatever you need to get through, say an extremely stressful lecture?
Yes. Well. All of those things happened last night.
ALL. OF THOSE. THINGS.
Guys I DON'T EVEN KNOW. I just. I JUST. WHAT. I didn't know what to say, or how to emerge from this haze of amazingness, or how to even respond. And just. WHAT. WHAAAT. HOW.
OK, ok. Let's start at the beginning.
My pilot (for a lecture called "Women Write About War") was to take place at the house of a local Important Person in the SFF community - someone who's a published writer, playwright and screenwriter, who's very involved with local cons and is popular in the community.
It was moved there from a different, original location, because the spouse of my original host was in the middle of reading one of the books I was going to talk about and didn't want spoilers. So, it was a last minute change out of necessity.
I decided to arrive at the place a few minutes early, mostly worried that:
- I didn't talk to anyone in advance, and it was just this woman's living room, and I couldn't bring a laptop with me, so I basically wouldn't have my powerpoint presentation. which is not the end of the world, but I thought maybe if I arrived early I could beg the host to let me borrow something of hers (like a laptop) to make it work somehow.
- I didn't bring any snacks or anything like that, and again wanted to get there early and maybe help arrange chairs or clear the living room or just get to know the space before people arrived.
To my great shock and delight, all of that was already taken care of. There was a laptop hooked up to the TV, just waiting for me to upload my presentation onto it. The host bought snacks (!!!) and made everyone coffee/tea, etc.
It made me feel a lot more at ease and a lot less nervous. I mentioned that it was my first time doing a con lecture + doing a pilot, and the host was like "don't worry, we won't be 100% negative, there's always positive things to say, and we're here to help you anyway, so there's nothing to worry about."
The listeners at my pilot were actually pretty diverse, age-wise, at least, which was pretty cool and really interesting to observe how people of similar age groups had similar feedback.
There were three women and two men. Of the women, there was a mother and her daughter (the daughter looked like she was still in highschool, but my lecture is very clearly listed as "for people 15 years or older" and I didn't want to be rude by asking her age), and there was my host, the BNF. Of the men, there was the dude who did the "How To Structure A Lecture Correctly" presentation, who was roughly the same age as me and BNF, and another dude who was closer to being a teenager.
I wondered beforehand what my fuckup during the pilot would be - would I forget an entire section? Would I mix up slides? Would I completely forget what to say and read the last section from a printed page (this is not technically considered a fuck up, but I didn't want to do it all the same)?
Well, it turned out it would be speed. Of course.
So, even though I try to speak in slo mo when I'm lecturing, and through 3 practice runs this lecture took me 50 minutes to get through, at the pilot I was done in 25 minutes. To my credit, everyone said that they'd never seen anyone who talked so quickly be so clear and so easy to understand, and they did feel that even though it was SUPER FAST they were still able to follow me easily and get all the information, but... it was still SUPER FAST. And obviously I need to slow down.
I was also told - and I agree - that the beginning and ending need expansion, and the thesis of my lecture needs to be made clearer to the audience.
However, even with those criticisms, the bulk of the feedback was just... hooooooooooooooly shit.
Everyone said my lecture was amazing. That it was enriching and fascinating, that they learned so much. That even the books they knew and loved - I made them think about them in a whole new way. That I was clearly, CLEARLY a veteran public speaker and lecturer, even if I was a newbie to cons, because my public speaking skills, my structuring of the presentation, my interaction with the crowd, was 100% professional level performance.
(I actually thought I misheard when the second person to speak said (repeating what the first feedback giver said, which you're not supposed to do) that I looked like a complete professional at giving lectures, and when I asked "sorry, what was that?" the entire room repeated back at me - "you're a complete pro at this".)
Like at some point one person asked the next "wait, is this really her first lecture?" and the other person replied "no no, first at a CON, she's definitely done lectures before" without even asking me! LOLOL
The women in the room all told me that they are now hands down fans of ME, the person I am, the brain I have, after this lecture. "I want to hear every single lecture you ever do" was echoed several times. "I've basically subscribed to everything you are", said the writer/playwright.
People said I made them want to read every single book I talked about, even though my lecture was full of spoilers.
Another thing everyone echoed: "how come at the end of your lecture you don't tell people where they can find you? Where's your website, your blog, your facebook, or whatever it is? WHERE DO I GET MORE OF YOU?"
(In case you think this is standard advice - this was definitely not something people said to the guy whose pilot I attended, and I've rarely seen people do it at the lectures I've attended at local cons.)
The writer/playwright in particular was like - WHERE DO I GET MORE OF YOUR WRITING?? WHERE???
People thanked me for the lecture right after it was over, they thanked, almost every one of them, during their individual feedback speeches, they came up to me BEFORE THEY LEFT to yet again say "thank you so much for this. It was such a great lecture and such a great night. It was truly amazing."
The younger girl (who was a teenager, I'm pretty sure), said she was now going to recommend this lecture to all her friends. The writer/playwright said the same, and then, AND THEN.
After I left, later that night, the writer/playwright apparently posted on facebook URGING PEOPLE TO BUY TICKETS TO MY LECTURE, even though MY LECTURE CONFLICTS WITH AN EVENT SHE'S DOING. She was like "it's hard for me to rec something that competes with a cool thing I'm doing, but you have to go listen to this lecture guys, it's amazing" with a link.
I JUST. HOW IS THIS EVEN REAL.
I know I need to reach out to her, friend her on FB, something, but I just. I DID NOT EXPECT THIS. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO. This is NOT HOW I THOUGHT THINGS WOULD GO.
I mean, I guess I hope my lecture proposals for Nine Worlds will be accepted? Like. I have more confidence now that people will enjoy themselves, I guess.
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