Happy things
So, several good things happened this weekend!
1. I HAVE TICKETS TO UKRAINE IN SEPTEMBER. I haven't been abroad in nearly 2 years because of health issues, and in August I have tickets to London (NINE WORLDS!), and that will really be the litmus test of whether I'm well enough to travel (FINGERS CROSSED >_<), but aside from that a family trip to Ukraine has materialized which is just... omg.
I'm trying to enjoy the idea of this trip, because ultimately I might not be able to go because back pain, so. I'm like, letting myself be OVERJOYED by the details.
I've never been anywhere in Ukraine outside my hometown of Odessa, so this time we'll fly into Kiev, spend a few days there (\\\o///), take a train down to Vinnitsa, drive to Tulchin, where my mom's family is from (my grandmother and her parents and grandparents were born and grew up there, my mom was born there and spent her summers there), then we'll drive to Uman' because it's not too far and my parents want to visit/show me a local park, and then we'll drive down to Odessa and spend a little under a week there.
I have a lot of complicated feelings, as you'd expect an immigrant child to have, but mostly I'm just EXCITED. I can't wait to see Kiev, the capital of where I'm from, and the modern and ancient history, and just, experience whatever that city is. I can't wait to take a train in Ukraine (if that part works out), something I've never done and my parents did all the time growing up (I've taken trains in Germany, Austria, India, the US... it's time). I can't wait to see the tiny place my family is from, generations back, that I've heard so many stories of. I can't wait to see the circus that Uman' will be, lolol*
(* We will happen to be in Uman' on Yom Kippur, which, if you don't know why that's going to be hilarifying, I truly envy you and you should hold on to your blessed ignorance. My dad is still in denial that it's going happen, and we got a hotel as far away from the ~city center~ as possible. To give you an idea, currently half the central hotels in town are sold out for those dates, and the other half charge over 200 euros a night.)
And I can't wait to be in Odessa, even though it'll probably be the most annoying part of the trip just because most of it will be spent visiting family friends and such and I won't be able to set my own schedule. (I actually wish I knew anyone at all fannish in Odessa, but alas.)
Mostly I just... miss the food. I miss the food SO MUCH. It's ridiculous. I miss the trees and the boulevards and my little city by the sea where I spent my childhood, that I have no right to claim kinship with anymore, but that I miss all the same.
Anyway, if any of y'all will be in Ukraine in late September/Early October, do let me know!
2. A while ago I was invited to be on a brand new podcast (organized by some Women Write About Comics people) and it took a couple of months to get together, and then we finally recorded, and now it's finally ready! Or at least a first draft is ready, which means I have to listen to it and give feedback in case I have any. God, I'm almost afraid of listening because I remember talking a lot of nonsense /o\ God.
But whatever, I'm super happy it's coming together (I also designed the graphics for it)! Now I just have to find two hours or whatever to actually listen to it and take notes before it's too late. /o\
3. Yesterday I went to the pilot of a lecture for the upcoming con I'll be doing a lecture at (more details about that process). The pilot for my own lecture is tonight, so I'm happy it worked out that I got to attend someone else's pilot first, to get an idea for how things worked.
This isn't technically a happy thing since the experience mostly made me terrified, but it's good in that it's given me time to mentally prepare for what will likely happen to me tonight lol /o\
So the pilot was held in the lecturer's home, i.e. a tiny studio apartment in the center of Tel Aviv. Sadly I can't host my own pilot (didn't even think of that as an option), but he did a great job by supplying snacks and drinks and being able to set up his TV as a screen for his presentation and stuff like that.
IDK how mine will go tonight, but I doubt it'll be as nice. I'm actually especially worried about the presentation issue, but whatever. In prep they stress being able to do the lecture without a presentation at all, in case of technical difficulties, so I guess I'm ready for that.
The dude doing the lecture is... probably a first timer? At least at this kind of con? He signed up for a 90 minute slot (something I am VERY GRATEFUL I didn't have the hubris to do) but even though he went super slow and consulted his notes a lot (the lecture was done but he hadn't had time to rehearse it yet, which is fine since the con is still weeks away) he was done after 50 minutes.
The feedback instructions were very well crafted in the emails we got before the pilot, and said to state positive as well as negative things, but the reality was different.
I did hugely appreciate that the person running things (the MC if you will) was not the lecturer, even though it was his house. It was someone who works for the con, who was also one of the feedback givers, but also took responsibility for making sure everyone was on time, for making sure we're keeping time during the lecture, encouraged everyone to write down their notes, handled the feedback order, etc etc.
She also had a set of ready questions such as: reading out the lecture summary that was submitted in advance and appears in the program and asking the feedback givers whether the lecture met their expectations given the summary, and other things that were just... really well organized and well thought out.
However. The feedback portion itself. LORD HELP ME.
There were five of us to give feedback and the first three people (not me) spoke for like 15 minutes each. Absolutely every single thing they said was negative. EVERY SINGLE THING. They weren't mean in any way (very nice and kind and all that, but still just all negative feedback) and the lecturer had a notebook prepared where he wrote down all of their notes, and he didn't seem sad or upset about it at all, but.
Just. ALL NEGATIVE. Like. I agree his lecture had problems, and length was only one of them, but there were also things he did well (like I thought his presentation was mostly good, his body language and eye contact with the audience), and IDK, it's a fannish con! Like, it's a debate competition or a work presentation where everything has to be perfect or you're getting points and trying to win something.
IDK. Maybe I just need to get used to this and everyone else is fine with it? Basically people nitpicked every single word out of his mouth, said nothing positive at all, and he wrote it down and seemed fine with it. And I mean I do get it, all of this feedback is valueable and comes from the right place - people gave up their Saturday night to come here and listen, they wrote stuff down instead of just being on their phones, they're giving up time and energy to tell him all this stuff because they want him to succeed and want him to be better, and again no one was mean or inappropriate.
But sweet holy christ, still.
When it was my turn I opened with "I'd like to start with what I think you did well" and he looked at me like I was an alien, and the girl who went after me started with basically a disclaimer that all the good stuff was irrelevant and pointless to talk about, so let's just skip to the negative. APPARENTLY I WAS THE WEIRDO.
IDK, I'd feel worse, except I've gotten feedback on my public speaking tons of times (especially, TWO YEARS IN DEBATE) and I've gotten some feedback that was BRUTAL, like absolutely BRUTAL, and picked apart every SOUND out of my mouth nevermind every word, but it also came with good things? So I knew what I was doing right? And that was in competitive settings, again, where there were judges and scoring, and not for a con which is essentially a one time performance where you never get feedback anyway.
IDK. Obviously the lecturer didn't mind and appreciated everyone's feedback, and it did come from the right place, but at the end the person who represented the con (who'll also be running my pilot tonight) was like "don't worry, this is how pilots usually go" to the lecturer and I was like... PLEASE JUST KILL ME NOW.
Like, I can't wait to get torn apart tonight for a lecture that I'm doing purely for fun, and in case you think the fact that I'm better prepared than that kid was will matter - my pilot will be attended by the dude the con considers the EXPERT on how to structure lectures. Like, you bet your ass he'll have shit to say. And there'll also be a local author/BNF there and I'm sure if the trend is to give only negative feedback, she'll have tons to say as well.
And like, whatever, it'll make me ~improve~ but just. God. I'm giving this a try and keeping an open mind and all that, but ugh. I'm very concerned I'll have a good time tonight and do decently well and then just get 100% negative feedback and it'll suck.
I know it's weird to say "stop taking this so seriously" for an event where people pay money. Yes, quality should be top priority, and it's great the con has this system. But just... IDK if it's for me, I guess.
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1. I HAVE TICKETS TO UKRAINE IN SEPTEMBER. I haven't been abroad in nearly 2 years because of health issues, and in August I have tickets to London (NINE WORLDS!), and that will really be the litmus test of whether I'm well enough to travel (FINGERS CROSSED >_<), but aside from that a family trip to Ukraine has materialized which is just... omg.
I'm trying to enjoy the idea of this trip, because ultimately I might not be able to go because back pain, so. I'm like, letting myself be OVERJOYED by the details.
I've never been anywhere in Ukraine outside my hometown of Odessa, so this time we'll fly into Kiev, spend a few days there (\\\o///), take a train down to Vinnitsa, drive to Tulchin, where my mom's family is from (my grandmother and her parents and grandparents were born and grew up there, my mom was born there and spent her summers there), then we'll drive to Uman' because it's not too far and my parents want to visit/show me a local park, and then we'll drive down to Odessa and spend a little under a week there.
I have a lot of complicated feelings, as you'd expect an immigrant child to have, but mostly I'm just EXCITED. I can't wait to see Kiev, the capital of where I'm from, and the modern and ancient history, and just, experience whatever that city is. I can't wait to take a train in Ukraine (if that part works out), something I've never done and my parents did all the time growing up (I've taken trains in Germany, Austria, India, the US... it's time). I can't wait to see the tiny place my family is from, generations back, that I've heard so many stories of. I can't wait to see the circus that Uman' will be, lolol*
(* We will happen to be in Uman' on Yom Kippur, which, if you don't know why that's going to be hilarifying, I truly envy you and you should hold on to your blessed ignorance. My dad is still in denial that it's going happen, and we got a hotel as far away from the ~city center~ as possible. To give you an idea, currently half the central hotels in town are sold out for those dates, and the other half charge over 200 euros a night.)
And I can't wait to be in Odessa, even though it'll probably be the most annoying part of the trip just because most of it will be spent visiting family friends and such and I won't be able to set my own schedule. (I actually wish I knew anyone at all fannish in Odessa, but alas.)
Mostly I just... miss the food. I miss the food SO MUCH. It's ridiculous. I miss the trees and the boulevards and my little city by the sea where I spent my childhood, that I have no right to claim kinship with anymore, but that I miss all the same.
Anyway, if any of y'all will be in Ukraine in late September/Early October, do let me know!
2. A while ago I was invited to be on a brand new podcast (organized by some Women Write About Comics people) and it took a couple of months to get together, and then we finally recorded, and now it's finally ready! Or at least a first draft is ready, which means I have to listen to it and give feedback in case I have any. God, I'm almost afraid of listening because I remember talking a lot of nonsense /o\ God.
But whatever, I'm super happy it's coming together (I also designed the graphics for it)! Now I just have to find two hours or whatever to actually listen to it and take notes before it's too late. /o\
3. Yesterday I went to the pilot of a lecture for the upcoming con I'll be doing a lecture at (more details about that process). The pilot for my own lecture is tonight, so I'm happy it worked out that I got to attend someone else's pilot first, to get an idea for how things worked.
This isn't technically a happy thing since the experience mostly made me terrified, but it's good in that it's given me time to mentally prepare for what will likely happen to me tonight lol /o\
So the pilot was held in the lecturer's home, i.e. a tiny studio apartment in the center of Tel Aviv. Sadly I can't host my own pilot (didn't even think of that as an option), but he did a great job by supplying snacks and drinks and being able to set up his TV as a screen for his presentation and stuff like that.
IDK how mine will go tonight, but I doubt it'll be as nice. I'm actually especially worried about the presentation issue, but whatever. In prep they stress being able to do the lecture without a presentation at all, in case of technical difficulties, so I guess I'm ready for that.
The dude doing the lecture is... probably a first timer? At least at this kind of con? He signed up for a 90 minute slot (something I am VERY GRATEFUL I didn't have the hubris to do) but even though he went super slow and consulted his notes a lot (the lecture was done but he hadn't had time to rehearse it yet, which is fine since the con is still weeks away) he was done after 50 minutes.
The feedback instructions were very well crafted in the emails we got before the pilot, and said to state positive as well as negative things, but the reality was different.
I did hugely appreciate that the person running things (the MC if you will) was not the lecturer, even though it was his house. It was someone who works for the con, who was also one of the feedback givers, but also took responsibility for making sure everyone was on time, for making sure we're keeping time during the lecture, encouraged everyone to write down their notes, handled the feedback order, etc etc.
She also had a set of ready questions such as: reading out the lecture summary that was submitted in advance and appears in the program and asking the feedback givers whether the lecture met their expectations given the summary, and other things that were just... really well organized and well thought out.
However. The feedback portion itself. LORD HELP ME.
There were five of us to give feedback and the first three people (not me) spoke for like 15 minutes each. Absolutely every single thing they said was negative. EVERY SINGLE THING. They weren't mean in any way (very nice and kind and all that, but still just all negative feedback) and the lecturer had a notebook prepared where he wrote down all of their notes, and he didn't seem sad or upset about it at all, but.
Just. ALL NEGATIVE. Like. I agree his lecture had problems, and length was only one of them, but there were also things he did well (like I thought his presentation was mostly good, his body language and eye contact with the audience), and IDK, it's a fannish con! Like, it's a debate competition or a work presentation where everything has to be perfect or you're getting points and trying to win something.
IDK. Maybe I just need to get used to this and everyone else is fine with it? Basically people nitpicked every single word out of his mouth, said nothing positive at all, and he wrote it down and seemed fine with it. And I mean I do get it, all of this feedback is valueable and comes from the right place - people gave up their Saturday night to come here and listen, they wrote stuff down instead of just being on their phones, they're giving up time and energy to tell him all this stuff because they want him to succeed and want him to be better, and again no one was mean or inappropriate.
But sweet holy christ, still.
When it was my turn I opened with "I'd like to start with what I think you did well" and he looked at me like I was an alien, and the girl who went after me started with basically a disclaimer that all the good stuff was irrelevant and pointless to talk about, so let's just skip to the negative. APPARENTLY I WAS THE WEIRDO.
IDK, I'd feel worse, except I've gotten feedback on my public speaking tons of times (especially, TWO YEARS IN DEBATE) and I've gotten some feedback that was BRUTAL, like absolutely BRUTAL, and picked apart every SOUND out of my mouth nevermind every word, but it also came with good things? So I knew what I was doing right? And that was in competitive settings, again, where there were judges and scoring, and not for a con which is essentially a one time performance where you never get feedback anyway.
IDK. Obviously the lecturer didn't mind and appreciated everyone's feedback, and it did come from the right place, but at the end the person who represented the con (who'll also be running my pilot tonight) was like "don't worry, this is how pilots usually go" to the lecturer and I was like... PLEASE JUST KILL ME NOW.
Like, I can't wait to get torn apart tonight for a lecture that I'm doing purely for fun, and in case you think the fact that I'm better prepared than that kid was will matter - my pilot will be attended by the dude the con considers the EXPERT on how to structure lectures. Like, you bet your ass he'll have shit to say. And there'll also be a local author/BNF there and I'm sure if the trend is to give only negative feedback, she'll have tons to say as well.
And like, whatever, it'll make me ~improve~ but just. God. I'm giving this a try and keeping an open mind and all that, but ugh. I'm very concerned I'll have a good time tonight and do decently well and then just get 100% negative feedback and it'll suck.
I know it's weird to say "stop taking this so seriously" for an event where people pay money. Yes, quality should be top priority, and it's great the con has this system. But just... IDK if it's for me, I guess.
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