LJ peeps
Hi there,
Just posting to tell you I am alive. I haven't been on LJ much, taking care of kids, house, pets and a full time job as a single mom has me ragged. Just like all the paperwork and decisions and stuff the hubs and I did together is making me nuts. I'm thankful that my oldest daughter has stepped up to the plate and helped. I don't know what I would do without her. Night shift nursing would leave my youngest home all night by herself. I have applied for a 5 day a week position. I don't know whether that is better or worse. Doesn't matter I guess, they haven't called me about it yet. I can't say I'm getting used to being alone (as in no John) I mean, there are no good days just some not so bad days. I know other people have lost folks they love and I know other people have lost their soul mates. I also realize that we all grieve differently - but for me? It's like this empty pit, a void in my life that he used to fill - many times I find myself thinking...I have to tell John. OR let me text John about this. I'm so stressed. It's like my stress level is already peaked and that's where I live - in a continuous level of high stress and then any additional stressor sends me over the edge. My kid didn't want me to make her a grilled cheese sandwich and I started bawling.
*deep sigh*
I don't like this. At all.
I know it will get better eventually. I also know that if I could allow myself to read some good fic or write some mediocre fic, well it would help. But apparently I can't even get up the energy to look for any new (or old) fic. So...any recs? Including Teen Wolf because my youngest loves Stiles. I confess, I do too but those thoughts I carefully keep to myself *laughs*.
So we watch together and I feel kind of pervy but we both look forward to Mondays at 10pm. It's a thing for us now. :)
I again am so thankful for you guys. It's like I have this huge family (outside of my "real" family) and you give me a different kind of support. Just as loving, just as true but on an equal but strangely different level. Most of you may know what I mean.
I'll be touching base when I can. Please don't think I'm ignoring any of you. I am so blessed to have you guys in my life.
~S~
PS sorry this isn't under a cut. My lame dumb ass computer won't let me do it.
Just posting to tell you I am alive. I haven't been on LJ much, taking care of kids, house, pets and a full time job as a single mom has me ragged. Just like all the paperwork and decisions and stuff the hubs and I did together is making me nuts. I'm thankful that my oldest daughter has stepped up to the plate and helped. I don't know what I would do without her. Night shift nursing would leave my youngest home all night by herself. I have applied for a 5 day a week position. I don't know whether that is better or worse. Doesn't matter I guess, they haven't called me about it yet. I can't say I'm getting used to being alone (as in no John) I mean, there are no good days just some not so bad days. I know other people have lost folks they love and I know other people have lost their soul mates. I also realize that we all grieve differently - but for me? It's like this empty pit, a void in my life that he used to fill - many times I find myself thinking...I have to tell John. OR let me text John about this. I'm so stressed. It's like my stress level is already peaked and that's where I live - in a continuous level of high stress and then any additional stressor sends me over the edge. My kid didn't want me to make her a grilled cheese sandwich and I started bawling.
*deep sigh*
I don't like this. At all.
I know it will get better eventually. I also know that if I could allow myself to read some good fic or write some mediocre fic, well it would help. But apparently I can't even get up the energy to look for any new (or old) fic. So...any recs? Including Teen Wolf because my youngest loves Stiles. I confess, I do too but those thoughts I carefully keep to myself *laughs*.
So we watch together and I feel kind of pervy but we both look forward to Mondays at 10pm. It's a thing for us now. :)
I again am so thankful for you guys. It's like I have this huge family (outside of my "real" family) and you give me a different kind of support. Just as loving, just as true but on an equal but strangely different level. Most of you may know what I mean.
I'll be touching base when I can. Please don't think I'm ignoring any of you. I am so blessed to have you guys in my life.
~S~
PS sorry this isn't under a cut. My lame dumb ass computer won't let me do it.