[multi-chapter] Kimi wo mamoru - Ch.18/???
Title: Kimi wo mamoru (To protect you)
Author: Saana
Pairing: Sakuraiba (main), Junma, Ohmiya (side)
Rating: R and up (for violence and other things probably…)
Genre: yakuza!AU; action, angst, romance
Warning: possible OOCness, violence, minor character death
Disc.: this is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is fiction
Summary: He never wanted war. He did everything in his power to avoid it but he’ll be dead before he back down from the fight if they threaten him or what’s precious to him…
A/N: I planned and started writing to change the POV of Sho and Aiba which probably be annoying at times but after agonizing over it for some time, I decided I'll stick with it for a while cause I think it gives a certain flavor to the story (or I'm just weird, that's totally possible) But the story is for your enjoyment too so if along the way a lot of you will complain about it, I'll re-write it, I promise
Previous chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5 ; Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ; Chapter 8 ; Chapter 9 ; Chapter 10 ; Chapter 11; Chapter 12 ; Chapter 13 ; Chapter 14 ; Chapter 15 ; Chapter 16 ; Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Sho stared at Masaki who sat slumped in front of him. He was sure that something suddenly just went wrong with his hearing ability. It must have been it because he heard Masaki saying he was a murderer. But… that can’t be. That was impossible… Masaki? A murderer?...
“They said he loved her a lot…” Masaki spoke up again. “But… I think maybe she was the only person he could ever love. Whatever little love was in him, he gave it to her. And I killed her… He always said I didn’t deserve to live but killing me won’t be enough punishment for my sin… So he made sure that I lived… In a house… in a life where I was unwanted, hated, despised… and he also made sure that I couldn’t forget this ever. I was not allowed to leave the house. I was left alone but he always had me guarded… When I tried to run away, they always found me…Not even death was an option, trust me, I tried…” he laughed a bit bitterly but his trembling hands screamed about anxiety. “He had me stigmatized so I’ll never forget the crime, the treason I committed against him by simply being born…”
Sho kept silent the whole time Masaki was talking. To be honest, he’d have a hard time to find his voice even if he would have a chance to say anything. He knew that his rival had completely different views of the world; of what was his right over other people or worldly possessions but this... Suddenly the realization how really blessed he was, hit him harder than any punch he received in his life. Not even blood-relation was enough to protect Masaki from his father’s blind - and obviously misplaced, unreasonable - anger and hatred… Compared to this, the strict but caring way Father brought him up was almost unbelievable. For a moment Sho couldn’t help but wonder how lucky he was that Father chose him? What did the man see in the child-Sho that eventually lead to this moment? How could it be that a short-tempered orphan like him received more loving care than someone as tender and innocent as Masaki was, who got to live with his family, with his birthfather…
Masaki put down his mug a pushed away the tray in front of him.
He wasn’t hiding his tattoo only to conceal his identity. Deep down in his heart, he knew that Sho would have not forced him to talk about this. But he didn’t want to lie to Sho anymore. He was sick of all these lies that filled his life. Yet talking about it still cause the same suffocating feeling as ever. He felt dirty. He wanted to crawl out of his skin to get rid of it… He couldn’t stand to remain near anyone…
Not even Sho…
He had to get out of there…
“Where are you going?”
By the time Sho woke up from his thoughts, Masaki scrambled out from their little nest of blankets and struggled his pants on. Though he wasn’t exactly running, he was obviously about to flee the room. Sho go to his feet hurriedly, stepping after Masaki, grabbing his hand as gently as he could in his desperation to stop him.
But Sho let go of Masaki’s hand immediately when he felt the younger man flinch at his touch.
“I… I have to… I can’t…” Masaki looked back at Sho with a painful expression on his face. “I’m sorry. I can’t” he whispered before tearing the door open, leaving Sho behind who stood at the same spot hurt and confused, long after the door closed behind Masaki…
Sho stared at the closed door, trying to process what just happened. Just when he started to think, to feel that him and Masaki got close… Just mere hours after they made love… The look on Masaki’s face… It was obvious he couldn’t stand to stay in the room. Was it because he couldn’t stand to stay near Sho? Or was it something else?... He tried to pin the moment or words he did or said that pushed Masaki away so drastically but ended up with nothing. He was too numb to even decide if he felt hurt or just confused upon what happened.
He forced himself to take a deep breath.
‘Maybe… maybe he just needs time now… It will be okay…’ he insisted, trying to make himself believe in it. But it was hard. He wasn’t used to letting problems solve themselves without him actively pushing them. But if he was sure of anything right now, that was he shouldn’t push Masaki anymore at this moment. He was scared to death that he might lose him completely if he does that.
He used to keep distance from others than his lieutenants and he was okay like that. But now seeing Masaki walk away… run away from him… It was too much for him to bear. He had no idea what to do with this feeling, this void in his chest so he did what he did throughout the years: he pushed it away to pretend it doesn’t exist…
With no other thing to do, he decided to tackle other affairs that waited for him.
He headed straight to Satoshi’s room, pretty sure that he’ll find there whom he was looking for. This time he knocked and waited until he heard Ohno’s faint ‘Come in!’ from the other side before opened the door. As expected, Nino was there. Sho’s glance jumped between the two men for a moment before it settled on Nino.
“Can I talk to you?”
A small, satisfied smile appeared on Ohno lips hearing this. He got up quickly from the table where he sat with Nino.
“Take your time” he whispered to his leader before he left the room.
Sho didn’t mean to throw Ohno out of his own room but he was grateful for his discretion. He started to pace up and down in the room trying to gather his thoughts which seemed unusually hard after the recent events.
Meanwhile Nino remained seated next to the low table, shuffling a deck of cards in his hands while he watched the clan leader.
“You had a fight with Ma-chan”
Sho jumped hearing Nino comment. He stared at him with wide eyes for a moment before schooled his features to hide his emotions. He wasn’t used to such accurate comments from others than Satoshi and he was sure he wasn’t looking forward to this coming from Nino. He cleared his throat while he watched Nino’s face closely.
“You’re not afraid of me” he said instead of replying to his comment about Masaki.
“Should I?” Nino shot back with a confident smirk. Sho not replying to him was pretty much the same as if he had admitted it. He made a mental note to look for Masaki after this, but then he quickly pushed thoughts about his friend to the back of his mind, focusing on Sho instead.
“Yes, you should!” Sho snapped irritated - mostly with himself, but he wouldn’t admit that. “I’m still the one who can decide whether you can live or not” he said staring at Nino hard.
Nino looked back at him with an empty face, his smirk disappearing in a heartbeat.
“You must’ve forgotten from where I came from if you think I’ll shrunk under a threat like that” he said putting down the cards from his hands. “I lost counting years ago how many times it was thrown at me. And anyway, you already decided that I can live so why don’t we skip this bullshit and you can finally say what you have to say?”
Sho frowned at Nino. He hated when he had to resort to threats like this so he didn’t do this unless he see no other choice. Or when he couldn’t think straight and his mouth and temper just ran away with him. Which was obviously the case now. But he hated it even more when he achieved nothing even with threats.
“For some reason…” Sho started, still looking at Nino closely to see his reaction. “For some reason Satoshi trusts you. And Masaki…” Sho trailed off as if the mention of the other man’s name was enough to de-rail him. He shook himself quickly. “He too, obviously…” he added hurriedly but he couldn’t help but mumble his other, more bitter thoughts under his breath. “He even loves you enough to beg for your life instead of his own…” Sho seemingly forgot about Nino’s presence and watchful eyes for a moment as ruffled his hair agitated as he was trying to focus on the current situation. “Anyway…” he started again after some time. “Last night you helped us to take down someone we were hunting for a long time and helped us to save Toma and Masaki. For that, I’m more grateful that I’d be able to convey in words…”
“But…?” Nino asked. There was always a ‘but’.
“But it doesn’t mean if I know whether I can trust you or not” Sho said seriously. “You’re smart so I’m sure you understand that I can’t allow myself to put my trust in the wrong people” ‘Especially not now…’ he added in his thoughts.
“Why are you here?” Sho asked finally after they stared at each other silently for a long time with Nino. Both of them were trying to figure out the other’s motives without baring their own intentions.
“Why am I here?” Nino repeated the question wondering as if he himself wouldn’t know the answer to the question either.
“Yes! I think I kind of entitled to an answer for this question” Sho told him, clenching his fists to keep his temper in check. “I know you came to rescue Masaki which is obviously unnecessary since both of you are free to go any time you wish” Sho said, forcing himself to sound neutral even when the mere thought of Masaki leaving left him breathless. But he realized that he had to stop being selfish and let go of Masaki if the younger man wanted to leave, no matter how hard it was for him. “Therefore… I’m guessing your staying has something to do with Satoshi... Am I right?” he asked when it was obvious that Nino wouldn’t start speaking up on his own.
For the first time since Sho met Nino, the smaller man seemed to cringe a little under the pressure Sho’s question posed.
“It’s not really what you’re implying…” Nino said and it sounded like an awfully weak excuse. Especially coming from Nino. Because Sho was sure of only a very few things when it came to Nino, and one of it was that being snarky and bratty must be Nino’s default mode.
“It’s ‘not really what I’m implying’ you say… And what do you think exactly that I’m implying here?” Sho asked raising an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest, staring at Nino skeptically.
Nino groaned frustrated, his pale cheeks turning slightly pinkish behind his hand he raised to cover his face.
“Fine! Your man is hot! That’s what you wanted to hear?” he snapped looking up at Sho but the edge of his words lost to the blush on his cheeks.
Judging from the look on Sho’s face: it wasn’t. Nino sighed, willing himself to turn serious. And honest for once.
“I wasn’t with that old bastard because I wanted to or because I share any of his sick views of the world. But back then this was the only way I saw so I took it…” he said curtly, and bit hurriedly, hoping that Sho would want him to elaborate the topic. “I’m not making excuses for myself or my past acts, it’s just the truth, simple as that”
While he talked, Nino stared at the wall somewhere behind Sho and this made it obvious to the young leader that Nino actually had a vulnerable side he usually hid behind his snarky, smartass attitude.
“I want you to let me join you” Nino said simply but firmly. “I didn’t expected you to be… so you… But I see that you’re strong, respected and in return you treat your men kindly and with respect. You treated Ma-chan well when you didn’t know his true identity and you treated both of us fairly when you got to know who we are...” Nino said seriously. He slid further from the table. “You’re a leader I’d be able to follow so I want to do it” he said lowering his head before Sho.
A/N: sorry, I'm not giving more lovey-dovey time Sakuraiba, I have to torment them a little more, please bear with it 😅 also I didn't plan on writing so much Sakumiya but it ended up like this... I hope you don't mind 🤣 I kind of miss writing bratty Nino, so maybe that's the cause... 🤣
Author: Saana
Pairing: Sakuraiba (main), Junma, Ohmiya (side)
Rating: R and up (for violence and other things probably…)
Genre: yakuza!AU; action, angst, romance
Warning: possible OOCness, violence, minor character death
Disc.: this is a fanfiction, which means I’m a fan and this is fiction
Summary: He never wanted war. He did everything in his power to avoid it but he’ll be dead before he back down from the fight if they threaten him or what’s precious to him…
A/N: I planned and started writing to change the POV of Sho and Aiba which probably be annoying at times but after agonizing over it for some time, I decided I'll stick with it for a while cause I think it gives a certain flavor to the story (or I'm just weird, that's totally possible) But the story is for your enjoyment too so if along the way a lot of you will complain about it, I'll re-write it, I promise
Previous chapters: Prologue ; Chapter 1 ; Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4 ; Chapter 5 ; Chapter 6 ; Chapter 7 ; Chapter 8 ; Chapter 9 ; Chapter 10 ; Chapter 11; Chapter 12 ; Chapter 13 ; Chapter 14 ; Chapter 15 ; Chapter 16 ; Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Sho stared at Masaki who sat slumped in front of him. He was sure that something suddenly just went wrong with his hearing ability. It must have been it because he heard Masaki saying he was a murderer. But… that can’t be. That was impossible… Masaki? A murderer?...
“They said he loved her a lot…” Masaki spoke up again. “But… I think maybe she was the only person he could ever love. Whatever little love was in him, he gave it to her. And I killed her… He always said I didn’t deserve to live but killing me won’t be enough punishment for my sin… So he made sure that I lived… In a house… in a life where I was unwanted, hated, despised… and he also made sure that I couldn’t forget this ever. I was not allowed to leave the house. I was left alone but he always had me guarded… When I tried to run away, they always found me…Not even death was an option, trust me, I tried…” he laughed a bit bitterly but his trembling hands screamed about anxiety. “He had me stigmatized so I’ll never forget the crime, the treason I committed against him by simply being born…”
Sho kept silent the whole time Masaki was talking. To be honest, he’d have a hard time to find his voice even if he would have a chance to say anything. He knew that his rival had completely different views of the world; of what was his right over other people or worldly possessions but this... Suddenly the realization how really blessed he was, hit him harder than any punch he received in his life. Not even blood-relation was enough to protect Masaki from his father’s blind - and obviously misplaced, unreasonable - anger and hatred… Compared to this, the strict but caring way Father brought him up was almost unbelievable. For a moment Sho couldn’t help but wonder how lucky he was that Father chose him? What did the man see in the child-Sho that eventually lead to this moment? How could it be that a short-tempered orphan like him received more loving care than someone as tender and innocent as Masaki was, who got to live with his family, with his birthfather…
Masaki put down his mug a pushed away the tray in front of him.
He wasn’t hiding his tattoo only to conceal his identity. Deep down in his heart, he knew that Sho would have not forced him to talk about this. But he didn’t want to lie to Sho anymore. He was sick of all these lies that filled his life. Yet talking about it still cause the same suffocating feeling as ever. He felt dirty. He wanted to crawl out of his skin to get rid of it… He couldn’t stand to remain near anyone…
Not even Sho…
He had to get out of there…
“Where are you going?”
By the time Sho woke up from his thoughts, Masaki scrambled out from their little nest of blankets and struggled his pants on. Though he wasn’t exactly running, he was obviously about to flee the room. Sho go to his feet hurriedly, stepping after Masaki, grabbing his hand as gently as he could in his desperation to stop him.
But Sho let go of Masaki’s hand immediately when he felt the younger man flinch at his touch.
“I… I have to… I can’t…” Masaki looked back at Sho with a painful expression on his face. “I’m sorry. I can’t” he whispered before tearing the door open, leaving Sho behind who stood at the same spot hurt and confused, long after the door closed behind Masaki…
Sho stared at the closed door, trying to process what just happened. Just when he started to think, to feel that him and Masaki got close… Just mere hours after they made love… The look on Masaki’s face… It was obvious he couldn’t stand to stay in the room. Was it because he couldn’t stand to stay near Sho? Or was it something else?... He tried to pin the moment or words he did or said that pushed Masaki away so drastically but ended up with nothing. He was too numb to even decide if he felt hurt or just confused upon what happened.
He forced himself to take a deep breath.
‘Maybe… maybe he just needs time now… It will be okay…’ he insisted, trying to make himself believe in it. But it was hard. He wasn’t used to letting problems solve themselves without him actively pushing them. But if he was sure of anything right now, that was he shouldn’t push Masaki anymore at this moment. He was scared to death that he might lose him completely if he does that.
He used to keep distance from others than his lieutenants and he was okay like that. But now seeing Masaki walk away… run away from him… It was too much for him to bear. He had no idea what to do with this feeling, this void in his chest so he did what he did throughout the years: he pushed it away to pretend it doesn’t exist…
With no other thing to do, he decided to tackle other affairs that waited for him.
He headed straight to Satoshi’s room, pretty sure that he’ll find there whom he was looking for. This time he knocked and waited until he heard Ohno’s faint ‘Come in!’ from the other side before opened the door. As expected, Nino was there. Sho’s glance jumped between the two men for a moment before it settled on Nino.
“Can I talk to you?”
A small, satisfied smile appeared on Ohno lips hearing this. He got up quickly from the table where he sat with Nino.
“Take your time” he whispered to his leader before he left the room.
Sho didn’t mean to throw Ohno out of his own room but he was grateful for his discretion. He started to pace up and down in the room trying to gather his thoughts which seemed unusually hard after the recent events.
Meanwhile Nino remained seated next to the low table, shuffling a deck of cards in his hands while he watched the clan leader.
“You had a fight with Ma-chan”
Sho jumped hearing Nino comment. He stared at him with wide eyes for a moment before schooled his features to hide his emotions. He wasn’t used to such accurate comments from others than Satoshi and he was sure he wasn’t looking forward to this coming from Nino. He cleared his throat while he watched Nino’s face closely.
“You’re not afraid of me” he said instead of replying to his comment about Masaki.
“Should I?” Nino shot back with a confident smirk. Sho not replying to him was pretty much the same as if he had admitted it. He made a mental note to look for Masaki after this, but then he quickly pushed thoughts about his friend to the back of his mind, focusing on Sho instead.
“Yes, you should!” Sho snapped irritated - mostly with himself, but he wouldn’t admit that. “I’m still the one who can decide whether you can live or not” he said staring at Nino hard.
Nino looked back at him with an empty face, his smirk disappearing in a heartbeat.
“You must’ve forgotten from where I came from if you think I’ll shrunk under a threat like that” he said putting down the cards from his hands. “I lost counting years ago how many times it was thrown at me. And anyway, you already decided that I can live so why don’t we skip this bullshit and you can finally say what you have to say?”
Sho frowned at Nino. He hated when he had to resort to threats like this so he didn’t do this unless he see no other choice. Or when he couldn’t think straight and his mouth and temper just ran away with him. Which was obviously the case now. But he hated it even more when he achieved nothing even with threats.
“For some reason…” Sho started, still looking at Nino closely to see his reaction. “For some reason Satoshi trusts you. And Masaki…” Sho trailed off as if the mention of the other man’s name was enough to de-rail him. He shook himself quickly. “He too, obviously…” he added hurriedly but he couldn’t help but mumble his other, more bitter thoughts under his breath. “He even loves you enough to beg for your life instead of his own…” Sho seemingly forgot about Nino’s presence and watchful eyes for a moment as ruffled his hair agitated as he was trying to focus on the current situation. “Anyway…” he started again after some time. “Last night you helped us to take down someone we were hunting for a long time and helped us to save Toma and Masaki. For that, I’m more grateful that I’d be able to convey in words…”
“But…?” Nino asked. There was always a ‘but’.
“But it doesn’t mean if I know whether I can trust you or not” Sho said seriously. “You’re smart so I’m sure you understand that I can’t allow myself to put my trust in the wrong people” ‘Especially not now…’ he added in his thoughts.
“Why are you here?” Sho asked finally after they stared at each other silently for a long time with Nino. Both of them were trying to figure out the other’s motives without baring their own intentions.
“Why am I here?” Nino repeated the question wondering as if he himself wouldn’t know the answer to the question either.
“Yes! I think I kind of entitled to an answer for this question” Sho told him, clenching his fists to keep his temper in check. “I know you came to rescue Masaki which is obviously unnecessary since both of you are free to go any time you wish” Sho said, forcing himself to sound neutral even when the mere thought of Masaki leaving left him breathless. But he realized that he had to stop being selfish and let go of Masaki if the younger man wanted to leave, no matter how hard it was for him. “Therefore… I’m guessing your staying has something to do with Satoshi... Am I right?” he asked when it was obvious that Nino wouldn’t start speaking up on his own.
For the first time since Sho met Nino, the smaller man seemed to cringe a little under the pressure Sho’s question posed.
“It’s not really what you’re implying…” Nino said and it sounded like an awfully weak excuse. Especially coming from Nino. Because Sho was sure of only a very few things when it came to Nino, and one of it was that being snarky and bratty must be Nino’s default mode.
“It’s ‘not really what I’m implying’ you say… And what do you think exactly that I’m implying here?” Sho asked raising an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest, staring at Nino skeptically.
Nino groaned frustrated, his pale cheeks turning slightly pinkish behind his hand he raised to cover his face.
“Fine! Your man is hot! That’s what you wanted to hear?” he snapped looking up at Sho but the edge of his words lost to the blush on his cheeks.
Judging from the look on Sho’s face: it wasn’t. Nino sighed, willing himself to turn serious. And honest for once.
“I wasn’t with that old bastard because I wanted to or because I share any of his sick views of the world. But back then this was the only way I saw so I took it…” he said curtly, and bit hurriedly, hoping that Sho would want him to elaborate the topic. “I’m not making excuses for myself or my past acts, it’s just the truth, simple as that”
While he talked, Nino stared at the wall somewhere behind Sho and this made it obvious to the young leader that Nino actually had a vulnerable side he usually hid behind his snarky, smartass attitude.
“I want you to let me join you” Nino said simply but firmly. “I didn’t expected you to be… so you… But I see that you’re strong, respected and in return you treat your men kindly and with respect. You treated Ma-chan well when you didn’t know his true identity and you treated both of us fairly when you got to know who we are...” Nino said seriously. He slid further from the table. “You’re a leader I’d be able to follow so I want to do it” he said lowering his head before Sho.
A/N: sorry, I'm not giving more lovey-dovey time Sakuraiba, I have to torment them a little more, please bear with it 😅 also I didn't plan on writing so much Sakumiya but it ended up like this... I hope you don't mind 🤣 I kind of miss writing bratty Nino, so maybe that's the cause... 🤣