You Find Your Ways (written for: sweetspicyhot)
Title: You Find Your Ways
Pairing/Group: Sakuraiba/Arashi
Rating/Warnings: NC-17 - This turned into PWP. Warnings are Sadomasochism, BDSM, Mild Physical Violence, Spanking, Orgasm-denial, and I hope that covers most of the triggers.
Summary: How Sakurai Sho develops taste for sadomasochism, while working out stress-related problems in his relationship to Aiba Masaki.
Note: Please note warning and triggers. It isn’t as bad if you’re familiar with some degree of BDSM, but if you’re not familiar, I suggest you tread these waters carefully. I also hope this fulfills request, though mostly I just wrote what I wanted to, but took consideration of what was in the request. If you hate it, I apologize. This is to be a light PWP read, nothing serious at all.
It starts with an argument about something not argument-worthy but Sho cannot back out now that he’s worked up over it. The words change to hostile, heat rising over his face, concentrating at his cheeks. Relentlessly pushing to his boundary and hopefully Masaki’s, Sho says things he’ll surely regret the moment his temper dies down. Masaki is the one that loses it.
The strong hands push his arms back against the wall. Sho winces at his head bumping too hard against the dry wall. Masaki dares him with his eyes and Sho just cannot move. A whimper traitorously escapes his throat and the flares in Masaki’s eyes die down. Wrists are let go and Sho goes sliding down the wall.
“I’m sorry,” Masaki apologizes first. He always apologizes first.
“It’s alright,” Sho responds, head down.
“Do you want me to… go?”
Sho raises his head. “No. No… Could you… Get me a water please?”
Masaki’s mouth flicks up weakly before heading to the kitchen. Sho lets out a sigh, rubbing at his eyes. He isn’t sure why his dick is hard from that.
---
“Because you like it,” Nino tells him matter-of-factly. He’s looking at Sho as if expecting Sho to thump his head with his hand at the sudden realization.
“I like what? That he pushes me against the wall? Traps my arms immobile? Abuses-“ Sho stops the thought. No, no no no no… Not abuse. Masaki gets angry, too, and if he thinks about it, he is the one who abuses his boyfriend with harsh words and accusations. Masaki doesn’t truly hurt him, ever.
“You like it. You are so do-M!”
“Am not. Besides, I’m not going to let some overused women’s fashion magazine profiling analyze me.”
“I’m not joking though.” Nino suddenly looks serious. “You really should research sadomasochism.”
---
And research he does, not because Nino tells him to, but he’s curious, too. He certainly doesn’t want to try a lot of the things he’s finding out - for now at least - but he understands the fundamentals of it. The power exchange makes little sense. Sho had thought that in relationships, power is equally distributed. He isn’t sure about giving up power, but then he’s not sure if he wants to try any of these, either. He understands about trust. Hurting or being hurt requires heavy trust for both partners. His chest stirs at the thought of doing something like this.
He isn’t sure if he’ll tell Masaki about it. He wants to try it but bringing himself to say it will be difficult.
He does think about what his safe word would be.
---
Sho is sweet to Masaki the next time they get together. Masaki is pleasant if he doesn’t provoke him. They take turns playing Wii until they get tired. They end up crushed at the corner of Masaki’s couch, kissing and touching each other. Sho lets his fingers take permanent residence in Masaki’s hair, sucking at the invading tongue in his mouth. Masaki’s hips are perched between his spread legs and his weight feels so right over his body. The warm mouth pulls away from his for a second. Sho opens his eyes to focus.
“This feels nice.” Masaki says with a smile. Sho agrees by nodding, pulling his lover down for another kiss.
They slowly make their way into the bedroom, Sho’s groans filling up the room as Masaki strips him down, nibbling at each span of exposed skin. They make love and Sho comes twice, much to Masaki’s delight. He fits himself in Masaki’s arm for sleep. He’s satiated, but not wholly satisfied. The one moment he almost lost it completely had been when Masaki held him down by his wrists, hips thrusting harshly.
---
Sho fidgets thinking about how it would feel like if Masaki spanks him. He’s searched for online pornography with spanking, but they all looked too faked that he ended up shutting down his laptop. He’s found clubs and meetings he can go to to ask questions, learn more about sadomasochism, but it won’t actually be discreet. He can’t be in a relationship, and certainly not a homosexual relationship. Though his company turns a blind eye on them as long as they don’t obviously flaunt it, they would have the worst fit if Sho became involved with kinky S&M clubs. The company puts up with their relationship only because they are professionals in all that they do, and he’s not stupid to think otherwise.
Sho gives up on the script he’s been studying, lays down back on his couch and imagines his boyfriend spanking his ass until he’s sore or biting his skin, enough to leave disconcerting bruises.
---
One night, after days and days of contemplating, Sho asks Masaki, “Do you have a safe word?”
Masaki drops his chopsticks, mouth open in aghast. “What?”
“I said, do you have a safe word?” Sho picks at the bland seaweed salad in front of him. The restaurant is packed and no one is looking or listening to them. He had tried to be casual about it, but in truth his throat is drying up.
Masaki regains his composure. “What… made you… What… I mean… Sho-chan…”
Sho smiles at Masaki’s stuttering words. He waves his hand for the check. They pay together. As they are about to leave, Sho just lets slip out, “I think, I mean, my safe word is ‘Kaze’. Just so you know…”
---
Sho earnestly sucks his boyfriend’s dick, using his one hand to cradle and message his testicles softly. He has to be careful to continue to breathe shallowly. His other hand is wrapped around his dick, jerking off the best he can without losing rhythm. Spit and thick cock fill his mouth, so he does the best he can to please. He waits for that small sound, so wonderful to his ears.
“Nnn…” Masaki groans from his chest. His fingers thread through Sho’s hair, and then he whispers, “You are… such a good boy.”
To both their surprises, Sho comes hard at those words, spilling over his hand and the floor beneath him.
Masaki lets him catch his breath before pulling him in against his chest, not even minding his sticky palms or the saliva trickling down his chin. “You really like that, don’t you, Sho-chan?”
“Yes. I think so. I mean… I want to find out… If you--”
“Anything you want. Anything.”
---
“I’m sorry for all the mean things I’ve said before,” Sho blurts out. “I don’t mean them. I’ve just… been stressed and overworked lately. I mean, I love you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Shh,” Masaki breathes against his ear. Sho shivers. “I’ve already forgiven you. Don’t be sorry. Now just relax and enjoy. And don’t talk.”
Sho loosens up, limbs relaxing a little. His arms around bound together over his head. Masaki has put a blindfold over his eyes. He feels more naked because he cannot see. He bites his lip to keep from talking. Masaki’s voice is different, lower and growling, commanding and it excites him. He doesn’t understand where, but the want to obey and be pleasurable to his boyfriend fills his head.
“What’s your safe word?”
“Kaze.”
“Do you want a slowdown word?”
Sho nods in thought. Masaki waits for his response. A rough palm caresses his thigh. He clenches his jaw to keep from squirming too hard. “A-Ame?”
“That’s fine. Don’t forget them. It’s our first time so I won’t be so rough. I want you to know, that I love you for letting me do this.”
At that, Sho wonders if Masaki has always known. He certainly doesn’t fit the image of a sadist, no, but it also feels like he is familiar with scenes. Sho wants to know, but he won’t ask now.
“We’ll take it slow. How about ten spanks, and we’ll see how you feel about this?”
“That’s fine.”
“Promise me you won’t forget to use the safe words.”
“I won’t.”
“Don’t make any sounds, and,” Sho can almost hear Masaki’s smirk. “You aren’t allowed to come until I say so.”
“Yes.”
Masaki shifts, pulling Sho’s legs straight up. It isn’t the way he’d imagined, probably from those pornography he’d witnessed before. He’d imagined being on his hands and knees but Masaki’s positioned him so his body is jackknifed, ass in the air. It feels more humiliating than he’d thought, even though they’d been naked together enough times. It’s as if Masaki can see all of him, while he is tied up and blindfolded, oblivious to what will happen. Masaki’s left hand is holding his ankles down. His dick feels trapped between his stomach and thighs. And without a trigger, Masaki’s hand smacks him harder than he had thought he would. A startled whimper escapes.
“I said, don’t make any sounds.”
Sho nods vigorously, waiting for the next. It’s five for his left ass cheek, and two for his right. The left feels numb and the right feels like burning. Masaki isn’t holding back at all. Sho has done well to keep his mouth shut tight, breathing rapidly through is nostrils. His dick is so hard against his stomach, and he can feel the pre-come drooling down over his navel. The next one almost stings. Sho almost shouts, but manages to stop it, burying his face into his arm. It feels like his thoughts are swirling, all the pain he feels mixing and melting together with the little pleasure.
“Two more, Sho-chan. Are you okay?”
Sho nods, intent on showing Masaki he can follow orders. The next one comes, making his spine bend. He’s glad for Masaki’s hands on his ankle. His breath is hitching from the pain. He wonders if they counts as sounds, but Masaki hasn’t scolded him so he supposes it’s fine. He wills his body to relax and as soon as it does, Masaki’s hand comes down over his left cheek. Sho can’t stop the throaty shout from the unexpected. He’s scared as soon as he realizes, but Masaki is releasing his legs, letting them fall gently back down over the bed. The blindfold is removed and wrists are freed. Masaki’s thumb traces over his closed lids, collecting the unshed tears from his lashes.
And there are words Sho is so glad to hear. “You’ve done so well, Sho-chan. You’re so brave. So beautiful. Thank you.”
“I… I shouted…”
“You didn’t. You just think you did. You were so well behaved and so good.”
He smiles at his lover, the loving gestures of his hands. “Did you like it, Masaki?”
“Yes. I enjoyed it very much. Thank you. You may come now, if you want to.”
Sho is too tired and his skin hurts too much for anything else. Masaki expertly jerks him off, and Sho lets it all go, coming into his lover’s hand.
Masaki goes to the bathroom to clean up. He brings back a warm towel to spread over Sho’s now-numb ass. There is a fuss with some cream, though he doesn’t think it necessary. Sho decides to sleep on his stomach. He feels tired, but good and complacent. He can’t believe how cool and commanding his boyfriend had been, and how arousing it had been. His ass is sore, in a good way, when he fidgets under the covers, reminding him of every stroke he’d taken. He smiles at Masaki’s words, how kind and polite he had been after. He reaches over to take a hold of Masaki’s hand, the one that had hurt him so good. He hears Masaki’s small sigh as he sinks into sleep, fingers tight around his.
Sho hopes there will be more. But he’ll think about that later on. Right now, he just wants sleep.
.end.