Spring better hurry up and get here.
My friend asked me how I was at the bar the other night. I was tired of lying. So I said, matter-of-factly, "to be honest, I'm depressed, bored, lonely, and broke. Frankly I don't see how it could possibly get any worse." Obviously he was caught slightly off guard by that, but we proceeded to discuss how in a few months, two of those problems will work themselves out - when business picks up at the bar in the nice weather, I won't be broke, and when baseball season starts, I won't be bored. As far as the rest of it goes, though, I'm going to have to work a little harder.
One thing that helps with the depression is running. Something about exercise affecting the neurotransmitters that affect how we feel; I don't know the specifics, but anyway, it makes a very noticeable difference. So today I went for my first run of the year. A risk, since my knee is still messed up from my little encounter with the stairs the other week, but something had to give, so I did just a mile, and it doesn't seem to have gotten any worse. So far, so good. My goal is to be able to do 30 miles a week by the end of the season. Reason: I need the extra motivation. It may turn out to be entirely unreasonable, but we'll see how it goes; it may be completely doable. I'm starting early, so that gives me a good 7, maybe 8 months to work with. I was easily doing that much, if not more, 8 years ago, as an almost-beginner. I obviously don't have the endurance anymore that I did then, but I think I'm stronger now, after going through Michigan Marching Band, 3 years of stocking the bar, plus having time to actually sleep and not having to live entirely on coffee, and of course hundreds of miles more running experience.
One problem left, then - still lonely. That's the hardest one to solve, and the one I'm most sick of fighting. Over and over again, it's the same thing. Different reasons maybe, but always the same outcome - I get screwed. WH = unavailable. PR = emotionally unavailable. FD = unavailable. FM = confused. And that's just in the past year. Why can't I fall for someone who actually wants to be in a relationship? Just once?
One thing that helps with the depression is running. Something about exercise affecting the neurotransmitters that affect how we feel; I don't know the specifics, but anyway, it makes a very noticeable difference. So today I went for my first run of the year. A risk, since my knee is still messed up from my little encounter with the stairs the other week, but something had to give, so I did just a mile, and it doesn't seem to have gotten any worse. So far, so good. My goal is to be able to do 30 miles a week by the end of the season. Reason: I need the extra motivation. It may turn out to be entirely unreasonable, but we'll see how it goes; it may be completely doable. I'm starting early, so that gives me a good 7, maybe 8 months to work with. I was easily doing that much, if not more, 8 years ago, as an almost-beginner. I obviously don't have the endurance anymore that I did then, but I think I'm stronger now, after going through Michigan Marching Band, 3 years of stocking the bar, plus having time to actually sleep and not having to live entirely on coffee, and of course hundreds of miles more running experience.
One problem left, then - still lonely. That's the hardest one to solve, and the one I'm most sick of fighting. Over and over again, it's the same thing. Different reasons maybe, but always the same outcome - I get screwed. WH = unavailable. PR = emotionally unavailable. FD = unavailable. FM = confused. And that's just in the past year. Why can't I fall for someone who actually wants to be in a relationship? Just once?