A Shared Dream (Songfic) - One Shot
Title: A Shared Dream
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst (?)
Word Count: 1,961 words
Warnings: Awful!English
Author's Notes: Well, if anyone followed my Twitter and saw my tweet-long rant about #KevinDebut7thAnniversary and how it isn’t his alone, you’d know what this is about. And this is so late because I don’t check Twitter often lol.
And I didn’t really want this to be a songfic, but I couldn’t come up with a better title. Since I’m gonna use this name as the title, might as well add the lyrics, yeah? Lol.
Kevin fiddled with his phone slightly, as if unfinished with his business even after sending out his last tweet.
So it has been seven years.
Even he didn’t realise it, but of course he could always trust fans to remember the dates he forgets.
Because right after his own birthday, the next biggest date would be his birthday. That's all he remembered, and not the in-between date when they debuted in XING together. Afterall, they had looked past XING since they reunited in U-KISS.
Scrolling down his contact list meaninglessly, he went back up to the contacts he marked as favourites at the top of it all, breath hitched for the umpteenth time as he laid his eyes on the familiar name.
“It's...not like he would reply, anyway.” Kevin sighed, still unable to make up his mind on whether he should send a message despite knowing what will not happen.
Because...Kevin wonders if he still remembers.
-
Ever since the day I saw that dream
I’ve been the same as I was as a boy
Even now that I’ve become an adult
I still feel you by my side
-
“Hey.” The taller boy quietly said as the two of them were left in the practice room, a little cautious around Kevin. Afterall, this was a foreign kid hanging around in Korea for his chance to make it big.
Kevin knew that was the impression the other three guys had of him. He wasn't the most friendly person when language fails him, always wearing a stoic expression and keeping silent in case he messes up his words and says something wrong.
“Kebin. Yeah?” The other boy continued, carefully pronouncing while checking the said boy's expression.
Kevin nodded slightly despite his Koreanised name, wondering what business this person had with him. This boy wasn't over-friendly, and didn't quite neglect his presence either, but Kevin really couldn't remember Korean names well.
Who was he again?
“I'll show you something.” The boy then inched closer after deeming it appropriate, face instantly brightened up. Holding up a recent model of a phone, he turned up the volume and held the screen before Kevin and himself.
Kevin blinked slightly at the proximity, but quickly turned his attention towards the performance by SS501. It was their recent comeback performance, “Unlock”.
He looked to his side once more, remembering this guy beside him was the brother of the youngest in SS501. He had proudly given all of them SS501's newest album, jabbing at his brother's face while rambling in Korean with a beaming face.
As the performance went on, the camera panned towards the fans, all passionately cheering for their idols.
“Us.” The boy smiled, speaking in simple Korean as if understanding Kevin's lack of knowledge for anything higher than grade 2 Korean. “Fans. Many. Someday.”
Kevin looked at those determined eyes for a moment, contemplating a response. He saw the other waiting for his reply, anxious and eager, then himself breaking out into a small, shy smile.
“Yes.”
-
In the times when I became unsure
And that I became depressed
You would always smile and sing to me
That things would become what they would become*
* keserasera is a phrase used in Japanese that’s taken from the Spanish “Que sera sera”, and is generally translated to mean “Whatever will be, will be.”
-
Because Kevin still does.
He had then let out a small sigh mindlessly when they went back to their practice room from a schedule in the early days with fans so few he could count them.
Kibum would yawn in a wordless reply as he checked their fan site, then showing Kevin the new pictures only just uploaded with a grin.
“Aren't you...” Kevin sought for the word he wanted to use, deciding that the handy English-to-Korean dictionary Kibum gave him as a belated birthday present would be useful in such situations. “...worried?”
“It’s fine.” The other smiled, confidence so overwhelming Kevin wished he had half of it. “We’re good, so we just have to withstand the test of time.”
Kevin frowned, more due to the fact he was struggling with the words Kibum was using than in disagreement. The older boy seemed to realise his mistake, then scratching his head for this cool phrase he had learnt from a foreign movie three days ago.
“Ah.” Kibum grinned. “Que sera,sera.”
-
I’m right here, can you hear me?
No matter how much we become separated
I want this to reach you, so I’ll sing as long as my voice lasts, as long as I have strength
So that we can bathe in the light and shine
-
And no matter how distant the memory was, at least six years ago, Kevin still remembered that soft smile.
Kibum had held him close, lightly wiping the tears from his face.
“Do not cry.” Kibum said, words slow for Kevin to register even though the younger was getting better at Korean. “You don’t have to cry for me.”
“Instead…hate me. Hate me for selfishly wanting a better future.” Kibum had mumbled, but it sounded like gibberish to Kevin.
He watched the other pull away with this bitter smile, and could only guess what the mess of words meant. Without much thought put into his actions, Kevin then reached out for the older’s face and kissed him.
Kibum looked surprised at the action, but continued smiling softly into the kiss. As he pulled away, he patted Kevin’s head lightly as if soothing, reminding the younger to not cry for him.
And he left, with the same soft smile he wore all day.
-
On sunny days I want to laugh with you
On rainy days I want to talk with you
You are the only one
I don’t have anyone else like that to me
-
He kept that image close to heart, lasting him almost a full year, almost.
Whenever he wanted to give up, he thought of that soft smile and how it told him not to cry for his departure, and also not to cry because he wasn’t there.
It was difficult, but it was also easy.
Kevin would remember the joke of the day and think of the soft smile, as though urging him on to keep on laughing.
And when he felt like the number of fans just wasn’t increasing, the soft smile never failed to console him.
He remembered the image, so strongly, so closely, and one day, he paused the natural flow of thoughts.
Was…was it still friendship?
-
Without hurrying let’s take our time
Because we share one dream
Someday the whole world will just go
Step by step, like 1 2 3.
-
Before he could miss the older boy for an entire year, he got a call from the said boy. The voice was deeper, slightly huskier, but definitely belonging to the one and only.
Kibum had grown up, and so had Kevin.
“Kevin.” The man pronounced in slightly accented English, learning of the right way to address the younger in the period apart. He paused for a while, and then decided to correct the right in favour of his habits. “Kebin.”
Kevin laughed, because really, what could you do when a man is insistent on being wrong?
“Yeah, hyung?” Kevin smiled to himself, liking how easily he could address the other without feeling even slightly awkward.
“Remember...“Fans. Many. Someday.”?”
Kevin blinked, feeling recollections hit him hard. He nodded, not caring if Kibum couldn’t see him nod. The same dream they had agreed on before they debuted, those words, and that Kevin wasn’t the only one harping on those memories.
This man….he wanted to see this man.
-
When I can’t believe in anything
And I want to run away, on my own
I quietly remember your small guts pose.
-
And all that he held onto so easily crumbled.
It wasn’t easy saying he wanted out of XING suddenly, with so many excuses to give and so many stressful meetings to hold - but he wanted out.
Desperately clinging onto their last original member, the company continuously tried to reach some other compromise. They offered him money, they offered him a better contract, and kept trying to renegotiate. When it failed to work, they would postpone it again as if giving Kevin time to rethink his decision.
“This is hard…” Kevin remembered mumbling to no one in particular, feeling helplessly alone. He would hesitate messaging Kibum, not wanting to become a burden to the older man.
”Fighting!” Kibum grinned like a Cheshire cat with fists before him, hushed voice unable to hide the cheekiness overflowing. He had afterall just won a bet with Kevin, causing the younger to have to play a prank on the sleeping eldest.
Then he smiled, the way one would when they realised what they had to do was nothing difficult.
He just had to tell them firmly, the way Kibum would, the way Kibum did.
-
I’m right here, can you hear me?
Even though we’ve already come this far
I don’t give up and hope that the continuation of our dream will reach you
Someday we’ll meet again.
-
“Kebinnie.” Kibum beamed, reaching his hands out for a hug. “It’s been really long.”
Kevin nodded in silent agreement, tentatively ignoring the other guys around them. Pulling apart from the older man, he then politely greeted the rest.
There were various voices all chipping in to exchange their greetings, and Kevin regarded every single one of them with a practiced smile, the one that comes out whenever he attends social events as a celebrity.
Afterall, no one can guarantee this would last. Not when the previous one didn’t.
For now, they are the ones to help him continue their dream, his and Kibum’s, and that was all they temporarily were.
-
Even though it seems like it might break, again and again, no pain no gain
It’ll connect to our future
Our tears will one day turn to a rainbow
And a large flower will bloom from a small bud.
-
It gave way again.
The news hit them both, hard, as the company so conveniently decided to drop him, him of all people, in the middle of nowhere.
Kibum’s eyes spoke of hurt and sorrow, but he kept his lips pursed, the final goodbye conveyed with a gentle pat on Kevin’s head.
”Sorry.” The message came just a little before 2a.m., while Kevin was staring blankly into the darkness wondering what to do with his life. “I left you alone again.”
The soft cries he let out mirrored the ones by Kibum, far away yet still under the same sky. And Kevin thinks maybe that was why neither spoke a word of goodbye.
”This time, I don’t think I can make it.”
-
I won’t complain any more
We don’t have the time to just stop and stand
Look, a new today is going to begin again
-
“It has been seven years, huh?” Kevin typed, a subtle frown between his eyebrows. “Seven years since the very start.”
His finger hovered over the send button, wondering if he should add frivolous emoticons or revert back to the honest days where only the words between them mattered.
(“I miss you.”)
Kevin bit his lower lip, biting back his longing.
He then sent the message on impulse, the other half of him hurrying to find an excuse for sending the message.
-
Can you hear me?
No matter how much we become separated
I want this to reach you, so I’ll sing as long as my voice lasts, as long as I have strength
-
“Yeah.”
A minute passed, as if as an afterthought.
“You did it, you did it for us.
-
Much love to thyfloatinglily for helping me "beta" at this unearthly hour! <3
Fandom(s): U-KISS
Pairing(s): Kemaru
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst (?)
Word Count: 1,961 words
Warnings: Awful!English
Author's Notes: Well, if anyone followed my Twitter and saw my tweet-long rant about #KevinDebut7thAnniversary and how it isn’t his alone, you’d know what this is about. And this is so late because I don’t check Twitter often lol.
And I didn’t really want this to be a songfic, but I couldn’t come up with a better title. Since I’m gonna use this name as the title, might as well add the lyrics, yeah? Lol.
Kevin fiddled with his phone slightly, as if unfinished with his business even after sending out his last tweet.
So it has been seven years.
Even he didn’t realise it, but of course he could always trust fans to remember the dates he forgets.
Because right after his own birthday, the next biggest date would be his birthday. That's all he remembered, and not the in-between date when they debuted in XING together. Afterall, they had looked past XING since they reunited in U-KISS.
Scrolling down his contact list meaninglessly, he went back up to the contacts he marked as favourites at the top of it all, breath hitched for the umpteenth time as he laid his eyes on the familiar name.
“It's...not like he would reply, anyway.” Kevin sighed, still unable to make up his mind on whether he should send a message despite knowing what will not happen.
Because...Kevin wonders if he still remembers.
-
Ever since the day I saw that dream
I’ve been the same as I was as a boy
Even now that I’ve become an adult
I still feel you by my side
-
“Hey.” The taller boy quietly said as the two of them were left in the practice room, a little cautious around Kevin. Afterall, this was a foreign kid hanging around in Korea for his chance to make it big.
Kevin knew that was the impression the other three guys had of him. He wasn't the most friendly person when language fails him, always wearing a stoic expression and keeping silent in case he messes up his words and says something wrong.
“Kebin. Yeah?” The other boy continued, carefully pronouncing while checking the said boy's expression.
Kevin nodded slightly despite his Koreanised name, wondering what business this person had with him. This boy wasn't over-friendly, and didn't quite neglect his presence either, but Kevin really couldn't remember Korean names well.
Who was he again?
“I'll show you something.” The boy then inched closer after deeming it appropriate, face instantly brightened up. Holding up a recent model of a phone, he turned up the volume and held the screen before Kevin and himself.
Kevin blinked slightly at the proximity, but quickly turned his attention towards the performance by SS501. It was their recent comeback performance, “Unlock”.
He looked to his side once more, remembering this guy beside him was the brother of the youngest in SS501. He had proudly given all of them SS501's newest album, jabbing at his brother's face while rambling in Korean with a beaming face.
As the performance went on, the camera panned towards the fans, all passionately cheering for their idols.
“Us.” The boy smiled, speaking in simple Korean as if understanding Kevin's lack of knowledge for anything higher than grade 2 Korean. “Fans. Many. Someday.”
Kevin looked at those determined eyes for a moment, contemplating a response. He saw the other waiting for his reply, anxious and eager, then himself breaking out into a small, shy smile.
“Yes.”
-
In the times when I became unsure
And that I became depressed
You would always smile and sing to me
That things would become what they would become*
* keserasera is a phrase used in Japanese that’s taken from the Spanish “Que sera sera”, and is generally translated to mean “Whatever will be, will be.”
-
Because Kevin still does.
He had then let out a small sigh mindlessly when they went back to their practice room from a schedule in the early days with fans so few he could count them.
Kibum would yawn in a wordless reply as he checked their fan site, then showing Kevin the new pictures only just uploaded with a grin.
“Aren't you...” Kevin sought for the word he wanted to use, deciding that the handy English-to-Korean dictionary Kibum gave him as a belated birthday present would be useful in such situations. “...worried?”
“It’s fine.” The other smiled, confidence so overwhelming Kevin wished he had half of it. “We’re good, so we just have to withstand the test of time.”
Kevin frowned, more due to the fact he was struggling with the words Kibum was using than in disagreement. The older boy seemed to realise his mistake, then scratching his head for this cool phrase he had learnt from a foreign movie three days ago.
“Ah.” Kibum grinned. “Que sera,sera.”
-
I’m right here, can you hear me?
No matter how much we become separated
I want this to reach you, so I’ll sing as long as my voice lasts, as long as I have strength
So that we can bathe in the light and shine
-
And no matter how distant the memory was, at least six years ago, Kevin still remembered that soft smile.
Kibum had held him close, lightly wiping the tears from his face.
“Do not cry.” Kibum said, words slow for Kevin to register even though the younger was getting better at Korean. “You don’t have to cry for me.”
“Instead…hate me. Hate me for selfishly wanting a better future.” Kibum had mumbled, but it sounded like gibberish to Kevin.
He watched the other pull away with this bitter smile, and could only guess what the mess of words meant. Without much thought put into his actions, Kevin then reached out for the older’s face and kissed him.
Kibum looked surprised at the action, but continued smiling softly into the kiss. As he pulled away, he patted Kevin’s head lightly as if soothing, reminding the younger to not cry for him.
And he left, with the same soft smile he wore all day.
-
On sunny days I want to laugh with you
On rainy days I want to talk with you
You are the only one
I don’t have anyone else like that to me
-
He kept that image close to heart, lasting him almost a full year, almost.
Whenever he wanted to give up, he thought of that soft smile and how it told him not to cry for his departure, and also not to cry because he wasn’t there.
It was difficult, but it was also easy.
Kevin would remember the joke of the day and think of the soft smile, as though urging him on to keep on laughing.
And when he felt like the number of fans just wasn’t increasing, the soft smile never failed to console him.
He remembered the image, so strongly, so closely, and one day, he paused the natural flow of thoughts.
Was…was it still friendship?
-
Without hurrying let’s take our time
Because we share one dream
Someday the whole world will just go
Step by step, like 1 2 3.
-
Before he could miss the older boy for an entire year, he got a call from the said boy. The voice was deeper, slightly huskier, but definitely belonging to the one and only.
Kibum had grown up, and so had Kevin.
“Kevin.” The man pronounced in slightly accented English, learning of the right way to address the younger in the period apart. He paused for a while, and then decided to correct the right in favour of his habits. “Kebin.”
Kevin laughed, because really, what could you do when a man is insistent on being wrong?
“Yeah, hyung?” Kevin smiled to himself, liking how easily he could address the other without feeling even slightly awkward.
“Remember...“Fans. Many. Someday.”?”
Kevin blinked, feeling recollections hit him hard. He nodded, not caring if Kibum couldn’t see him nod. The same dream they had agreed on before they debuted, those words, and that Kevin wasn’t the only one harping on those memories.
This man….he wanted to see this man.
-
When I can’t believe in anything
And I want to run away, on my own
I quietly remember your small guts pose.
-
And all that he held onto so easily crumbled.
It wasn’t easy saying he wanted out of XING suddenly, with so many excuses to give and so many stressful meetings to hold - but he wanted out.
Desperately clinging onto their last original member, the company continuously tried to reach some other compromise. They offered him money, they offered him a better contract, and kept trying to renegotiate. When it failed to work, they would postpone it again as if giving Kevin time to rethink his decision.
“This is hard…” Kevin remembered mumbling to no one in particular, feeling helplessly alone. He would hesitate messaging Kibum, not wanting to become a burden to the older man.
”Fighting!” Kibum grinned like a Cheshire cat with fists before him, hushed voice unable to hide the cheekiness overflowing. He had afterall just won a bet with Kevin, causing the younger to have to play a prank on the sleeping eldest.
Then he smiled, the way one would when they realised what they had to do was nothing difficult.
He just had to tell them firmly, the way Kibum would, the way Kibum did.
-
I’m right here, can you hear me?
Even though we’ve already come this far
I don’t give up and hope that the continuation of our dream will reach you
Someday we’ll meet again.
-
“Kebinnie.” Kibum beamed, reaching his hands out for a hug. “It’s been really long.”
Kevin nodded in silent agreement, tentatively ignoring the other guys around them. Pulling apart from the older man, he then politely greeted the rest.
There were various voices all chipping in to exchange their greetings, and Kevin regarded every single one of them with a practiced smile, the one that comes out whenever he attends social events as a celebrity.
Afterall, no one can guarantee this would last. Not when the previous one didn’t.
For now, they are the ones to help him continue their dream, his and Kibum’s, and that was all they temporarily were.
-
Even though it seems like it might break, again and again, no pain no gain
It’ll connect to our future
Our tears will one day turn to a rainbow
And a large flower will bloom from a small bud.
-
It gave way again.
The news hit them both, hard, as the company so conveniently decided to drop him, him of all people, in the middle of nowhere.
Kibum’s eyes spoke of hurt and sorrow, but he kept his lips pursed, the final goodbye conveyed with a gentle pat on Kevin’s head.
”Sorry.” The message came just a little before 2a.m., while Kevin was staring blankly into the darkness wondering what to do with his life. “I left you alone again.”
The soft cries he let out mirrored the ones by Kibum, far away yet still under the same sky. And Kevin thinks maybe that was why neither spoke a word of goodbye.
”This time, I don’t think I can make it.”
-
I won’t complain any more
We don’t have the time to just stop and stand
Look, a new today is going to begin again
-
“It has been seven years, huh?” Kevin typed, a subtle frown between his eyebrows. “Seven years since the very start.”
His finger hovered over the send button, wondering if he should add frivolous emoticons or revert back to the honest days where only the words between them mattered.
(“I miss you.”)
Kevin bit his lower lip, biting back his longing.
He then sent the message on impulse, the other half of him hurrying to find an excuse for sending the message.
-
Can you hear me?
No matter how much we become separated
I want this to reach you, so I’ll sing as long as my voice lasts, as long as I have strength
-
“Yeah.”
A minute passed, as if as an afterthought.
“You did it, you did it for us.
-
Much love to thyfloatinglily for helping me "beta" at this unearthly hour! <3