fuck eve and adam.
"I play tennis, the thing that's depressing about tennis is that I'll never be as good as a wall."
"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something."
"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"I have a few cavities, but i dont like to call them cavities. I like to call them places to put stuff. Do you know where I can store a pea?"
RIP Mitch Hedberg
"I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long."
"Imagine trying to fly a chair, you'd have to run like a motherfucker."
"I wrote a script and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts. He said he really liked it but he thinks I should rewrite it. I said "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."
"On the day the rubber was supposed to show up a big truck of potatos arrived. Pringles is a laid back company, they said "fuck it, cut 'em up"
"Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something."
"I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
"I have a few cavities, but i dont like to call them cavities. I like to call them places to put stuff. Do you know where I can store a pea?"
RIP Mitch Hedberg
"I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long."
"Imagine trying to fly a chair, you'd have to run like a motherfucker."
"I wrote a script and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts. He said he really liked it but he thinks I should rewrite it. I said "Fuck that, I'll just make a copy."
"On the day the rubber was supposed to show up a big truck of potatos arrived. Pringles is a laid back company, they said "fuck it, cut 'em up"